


Picture on the Milk Carton

by Butrthnu



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (Comicverse)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jack Hammer - Freeform, Lots of it, M/M, Mentions of Harry Osborn, Minor Character Death, Peter is 23, Peter is depressed, Peter is pissed lmao, Slow Burn, Spideypool - Freeform, Tony Stark/Bruce Banner (mentions), Wade Wilson/Matt Murdock (past relationship), Wade flirts with anything with a pulse, Wade is 29, Wade is depressed, Weasel - Freeform, What am I doing, comic based, im depressed, implied self harm, mentions of Vanessa, mentions of norman osborn, my first fic on here uwu, no pedos here, not the mcu, plot heavy, spideypool in 2020, spin off idea from the comics, you better believe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25178812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butrthnu/pseuds/Butrthnu
Summary: Spider-Man has been missing for close to three years now, and without the protection of everyone’s favorite web slinger, the city of New York has quickly overflowed with crime.Deadpool, having worked with Spider-Man on more than one occasion, knows with absolute certainty that Spidey would never abandon the city without a good reason. He’s been searching high and low for the arachnid the past three years, and the only lead as to where Spider-Man could have wandered off to is his apparent friend and personal photographer, Peter Parker.(aka the one where Peter goes feral)
Relationships: Deadpool/Spider-man, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 81
Kudos: 377





	1. Subtle Stalking

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so Peter is kind of a bitch at first, but trust me it’s not going to last too long. His cold sad heart needs a minute to thaw. Also Italics are Yellow and Bold is White.

“Listen buddy, I don’t usually kill civvies, but I’ve had a rough 3 years and it’s been a particularly trying day, so I’m feeling  _very_ murdery.” Wade tightened his grip on his gun and the eyes on his mask narrowed. “So it’s in your best interest to start talking.”

The man in front of Wade backed himself up against the brick wall of the ally, his sweaty hands up in surrender. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about! Honestly, I-I have no idea!”

Wade sighed exasperatedly and rolled his head back as he cocked the gun. “Wrong answer.” He placed his finger on the trigger.

The man choked down a scream. “I-I don’t know anything about Spider-Man!”

“You were a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent.”

“I was an  _intern_ with S.H.E.I.L.D. I wasn’t an  agent !” His voice cracked.

“Close enough!” Wade tapped his foot impatiently. “Come on you’ve got to have something. I know before Spidey disappeared he was rubbing elbows with the uppercuts at S.H.E.I.L.D. so you have to know something.”

The man licked his drying lips as his panic continued to rise. His eyes darted around, looking for a possible way out. “I-I mean, I saw him around once or twice, but I never even spoke to him—! Wait—!” His eyes widened and he looked towards Wade. “Peter Parker!”

Wade raised what would be his eyebrows. “Listen, if you’re going to make up a name you need to steer clear of alliteration. Makes it more believable. Like Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire-“

“H-He’s real! I promise!” The man wiped his hands off on his shirt and began to explain. “He was the guy who got all the close up shots of Spider-Man when he was still around. His pictures were so good everyone was pretty sure they were close friends. I think he still works at the Daily Bugle part time?”

“Peter Parker...” Wade repeated.

“The name does ring a bell.” Wade hummed and put his gun back in it’s holster on his hip. “See that wasn’t so hard.” He quickly pat the mans cheeks with his gloved hands. “Timmy, I’m glad you spoke up, I mean I wasn’t actually going to kill you. Not really my things anymore... Well, at least not for free.”

Without the gun in his face, “Timmy” felt relief wash over him. Wade turned on his heel and headed towards the exit of the ally leaving the other guy shaking and covered in sweat.

** I think we should have killed him. Don’t see don’t tell, and he can’t do either if he’s dead. **

_ No, no, no, because when we find Spidey we want a clean slate. We want him to be proud and say “Good job not killing anyone while I was gone!” _

** But we have killed people... A lot of people. **

_ Well yeah, but not recently. _

** Last week we killed a guy over a parking ticket. **

_ Well fuck cops. They’re not technically people. _

Deadpool stepped out into the sidewalk and took a deep breath while the boxes chatted. He headed off to his left, not really going to any place in particular.

_ This is our last lead. _

** What are we going to do when this inevitably leads to a dead end like everything else? Give up finally? **

“That’s not an option” Deadpool shook his head and headed down the street. “We’re going to find him—“

There was an explosion on the other side of town that was big enough to shake the ground. As the smoke started to lift, another followed, and the sounds of emergency vehicle sirens filled the air. Deadpool steadied himself.

“I  _have_ to find him.”

*************

Peter trudged around his apartment with whatever pop music was popular at the time blasting in the background. With a tooth brush in his mouth and one shoe on, Peter turned on the news and the music off.

_ “-Electro’s rampage last night cost millions in damage. There were 32 casualties and 16 injured that we’ve accounted for. This was his third attack this month and we all can’t help but wonder, where is Spider—“ _

Peter switched the TV back off before the anchor could finish, turned the music back on, louder this time, and went back to brushing his teeth, aggressively. Peter spit in the kitchen sink, shoved everything in his bag and grabbed his camera before bolting out the door. When he reached the stairwell his phone rang.

_Today Is not the day for this—_ “Aunt May!” Peter answered as enthusiastically as he could. “I’m on my way to the Bugle. Is something wrong?”

_ “Yes, Peter, something is wrong. You haven’t called me in a week! I assumed it was because you were busy, but can’t you at least take five minutes to check in with me? Even a text would be nice.” _

Peter laughed nervously as he reached the ground level and set off towards the Bugle. “Yeah, sorry. I’ve been slammed lately.”

May hummed on the other end of the phone and Peter could hear the suspicion in her voice.  _“Oh, I’m sure Parker. I’m sure you haven’t had a sin-gle moment to shoot me a text saying “I’m alive” at the very least.”_ Peter rolled his eyes and a small fond smile tugged at his face. 

May sighed. _“Peter I’m just worried about you. You know me.”_

“And I’ve told you I’m fine! I’ll try to call more often I promise.”

_“And I’ll hold you to that...”_ There was silence on the other end.

Peter looked at his phone to see if something was wrong with it. Maybe a bad connection—?

_ “Peter, my offer still stands you know?” _

Peter huffed and brought his phone back to his face.

_ “You can move back in with me.” _

“Yeah, I know, but I’m fine on my own.”

_ “Are you sure...? I’ve been talking with MJ—“ _

“You’ve been talking to MJ?” Peter got a worried look on his face and began biting at his bottom lip. “I— You know she likes to exaggerate things- listen May, I’m fine, I promise. Uh,”  Change the subject,  “How about we have dinner this weekend, yeah? We can catch up.”

May jumped on board.

_ “No take backs! I’ll make pot roast.” _

“Sounds great.”

May sighed again.  _“Alright, I’m off to work.”_

“Be careful. Please.” Peter pleaded as he looked up to the smoke filled sky. “Some of the explosions last night were close to where you live...”

_“You know I’m careful! More than you at least. Everyone travels in packs now, unlike some of us. Do you carry that mace I gave you?”_

“Of course,” Peter lied, “I never leave home without it.” 

He was pretty sure he lost it.

_ “At least there’s that. Shoot me a text tonight will you?” _

“You worry too much, but I will. Promise.”

_ “You make a lot of promises. I hope you actually keep this one.” _

Peter let out a single sarcastic laugh and he could hear the smile on his aunt’s lips. “I will! Now go to work. Love you.”

_“Love you too Pete. Bye.”_ Then she hung up. 

Peter sighed while he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“What does she mean “I’ve been talking to MJ,” I haven’t seen MJ in six months!” He mumbled to himself.

_I’m gonna kill MJ next time I see her, I swear._ Peter thought.  _The last thing I need right now is May worrying over nothing—_

Peter’s hair suddenly stood on end and just as he wiped around to see what was wrong, he was shoved face first into the cement wall to his left. Around his height leaned their weight against him. People who passed by turned a blind eye or walked in the other direction to avoid confrontation.

Whoever had Peter pinned started sifting through his bag and feeling around his pockets.

“ _Oof_ , Woah there handsy-“ Peter pushed back but the perp pushed back harder, their elbow against Peters neck.

They pulled out Peter’s wallet and Peter felt the weight of his laptop leave his bag.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Peter groaned as the cement scrapped against his skin and broke it. “Ow, shit— that mace is looking pretty good right about now—“

“Shut up.” It was a woman.

_God damn it, I can’t afford another laptop right now. I can’t fight back though._ Peter thought as he  allowed  himself to be mugged.. He looked around, or he tried to, he couldn’t really turn his head, but from what he could see and hear, no one was around. 

_...Aaah, maybe just this one time._ Peter thought. “You know,” he started, “I used to have a policy where I didn’t hit women. Then I realized that was kinda sexist.”

Peter raised his right leg and used it to push off of the wall and catch the woman by surprise. While in shock, the woman’s grip faltered so Peter wrenched his arms away, and spun around. “I mean if you’re gonna try and rob someone, rob someone with money. I’ve literally got 3 dollars and a Wendy’s coupon in my wallet. I don’t even carry a card on me!”

This woman, now that Peter was getting a good look at her, was not your typical mugger. She was fairly built, had stark white hair, and wore black combat gear from head to toe. She had two guns visible on either hip, and probably an assortment of weapons hidden on her.

“Do you use all your mugging money on hair product and Doc. Martins, or what?” Peter raised an eyebrow.

Despite catching her off guard, Peter was still in a bit of trouble. The woman pulled out one of the guns and aimed it at him.

“Well, that’s an unfair advantage.” Peter bantered. The same shocking feeling from before shot through Peters body, focused on his right side. The woman fired her gun and Peter nearly dodged, his eyes widened.  _Boy, I’m rusty._ He thought.

“ _ Usually _ , people don’t actually shoot. All talk, no show. I prefer those people.”

“God, shut  _up_.” The woman tried to bring the butt end of her gun down on Peter, but he caught her wrist just in time and twisted it behind her back in a fluid motion. He took the gun and tossed it away.

“Banter is what makes a good fight. It  is a little tricky to do though, at first.” Peter stole back his wallet and laptop from the woman’s otherwise empty duffel bag then released her. 

“You get the hang of it though. Not my first mugging and probably not my last. You made it further than most so congrats— aaand she’s gone.”

The woman was bolting down the sidewalk and disappeared around a corner. She didn’t put up much of a fight, maybe the look was more of an intimidation act?

Peter put his belongings back in his own bag before he started back on his way to work, this time jogging.

His face stung pretty bad. That woman had an arm on her. She managed to push his head into the wall hard enough to scratch up his face and draw a little blood, but it would heal in a few hours. Scabs were already forming.

Hopefully, no one paid any particular attention to him today. Not that anyone did, but it was a  sort of  nice thought to think that someone would see Pete, and remember that half of his face had been beat up a few hours earlier.

Peter rounded the corner and was stopped by a large crowd of people. He elbowed through the dense crowd and when he saw the cause of the street fair, his heart rate dropped.

Buildings were in shambles, the road was ripped up in chunks the size of a bus, and telephone poles laid criss-cross everywhere while the live wires sparked and added to the growing number of fires that the firefighters were fruitlessly trying to put out. Police cars lined the block acting as barricades, and there were even more on lookers observing the carnage.

Of course, this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence. This was a regular thing now, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hit Peter hard. He tore his eyes away from the scene, snapped a few pictures with his camera, and kept his feet moving with his head down. The adrenaline rush he’d had from earlier was gone.

He walked quickly around the scene with his eyes glued to the ground. He walked a few more blocks in silence, his mind racing. 

_Don’t think about it._ Peter squeezed his eyes shut as he stepped into the Daily Bugle.  _Don’t think about it. The world doesn’t need—_

When he opened his eyes he stopped. Everything in him stopped. His feet, his brain, his heart, he was finding it hard to breathe too. Today was just one terrible surprise after another.

At the reception desk was someone he’d never thought he’d see again.  Hoped  he’d never see again. 

Clad in red and black head to toe with twin katanas on his back and guns strapped to every part of him, was Deadpool. He was pestering the receptionist about something Peter couldn’t quite make out over the blood rushing through his ears. His hands balled into fist.

The receptionist looked over Deadpool’s shoulder, probably looking for security or anyone who would intervene, and her eyes landed on Peter. Her eyebrows shot up and she pointed at Deadpool with question in her eyes. Peter swallowed and willed himself towards the receptionist, his head buzzing.

“Mr. Parker,” the receptionist interrupted Deadpool’s rambling, “this... Deadpool is here to see you.”

“I would have made an appointment,“ Deadpool said, “but I didn’t want to. And I don’t think you guys take appointments.”

The receptionist rolled her eyes. “Not with our photographers, no.”

“That’s too bad,” Deadpool turned his gaze to Peter and leaned against the desk. “I would  _love_ to make an “appointment” with  _that_ .” Deadpool leaned out and looked down at Pete’s butt before whistling. “You do squats?”

Peter kept his eyes trained on the receptionist, fighting back the blush in his cheeks, and strained himself to keep a flat look on his face. “Uh, yeah. Thanks, Vic. Uh, would you mind clocking me in while I...” He gestured his head towards Deadpool. “Deal with this?”

“You don’t have to sound to somber about it.” Deadpool pouted and crossed his arms like a toddler.

The receptionist, Vic, side eyed Deadpool and began typing. “Yeah, no problem.“ 

Peter nodded a thanks and finally looked up at the mercenary.

Deadpool winced and sucked in a breath through his teeth upon seeing Peter’s beaten face. “Damn, rough morning?”

Peter rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on his bag. “Let’s... talk at my desk.”Before Deadpool could say anything more Peter made his way to the elevator and pressed the door button.

*************

_ Now that’s an ass that won’t quit. _

** That aside, he hates us. **

_ What? He can’t we just met him! _

”I’m a very hate-able person.” Wade muttered and trailed along after Peter.

”What?” Peter asked.

”Nothing, dear.” Wade singsonged and Peter huffed.

Peter stepped into the elevator and Wade followed him. The first few floors up neither of them said anything. Peter looked so tense that he might burst at any moment, and Wade couldn’t help but feel awkward. He buzzed his lips then huffed.

”...I’m not gonna shoot you if that’s what you’re thinking. Or stab you, slice you up, torture you,” Wade began to list off on his fingers. “Poison you, decapitate you- though I guess that would file under slicing. Good news is I’m not here to kill you. Actually, I’m here because—“

”Wow, liberating.” Peter interrupted dryly and stepped out of the elevator.

** He hates us. **

_ Yeah, I’m starting to get those vibes. _

Wade followed Peter to a small cubical that had its walls plastered with photos and news paper clippings. Most of them were about all the destruction the villains had caused over the years and the pictures were definitely taken by Peter. They were all close ups of the wreckage and a select few were of people caught up in the tragedies.

”This is a... Pretty grim work space you got here.” Wade leaned on the wall of the cubical and scanned over the photos while Peter settled in. “But let’s get down to business,”

_ To defeat- _

** Literally shut the fuck up. **

“I’m Deadpool—“

“I know who you are.” Peter cut him off again and sat down in his office chair.

_🎶 He hates us 🎶_

“You do?” Wade raised an eyebrow.

Peter nodded. “You and uh, Spider-Man worked together.”

“A lot.” Wade added and Peter’s shoulders tensed.

”...I don’t know where he is.” Peter mumbled, and Wade blinked.

”Thats why you’re here isn’t it?” Peter looked at Wade over his shoulder while he plugged in his laptop.

“Good job Supersleuth! You figured it out.” Wade mocked and clapped his hands. “Read me like a book. What was it that gave me away?”

Peter turned his gaze to the article covered walls of his cubicle and knitted his eyebrows. “Soon after Spider-Man went missing I had a few supers approach me asking about him. I assumed you were here for the same thing.” Peter looked back to Wade. “You’re three years later than everyone else, but I’ll tell you the same thing I told them. I don’t know where Spider-Man is, and I don’t know what happened to him. Wish I could help, really I do,” His tone was dry. “But I’ve got nothing. Nice to meet you though.” 

Peter turned away from Wade as he began biting his nails then waved the other good bye. Apparently, he assumed that would be the end of it.

** Well, we tried. Gave it our best. **

_ Bitch, we are not giving up that easily. _

“Oh definitely not,” Wade mumbled. He looked to his right and grabbed an extra chair out of the empty cubical next to Peters. He turned it around and sat down, his weapons clacking together awkwardly as he did. “You’re lying.”

** Shot in the dark, but alright. **

That got Peter’s attention though. He turned to face Wade with an unimpressed and bored look on his face.

“I’m lying?” He asked flatly and raised an eyebrow. 

“Or at least with holding information. Which in court is just as bad! I would know.” Wade crossed his arms. “You’re avoiding eye contact,  _super_ tense, biting your nails, and your poker face isn’t quite as good as you think it is.”“Why would I lie about this?”

“I don’t know you tell me.” Wade pushed. Peter just clenched his jaw.

Wade sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Will you at least entertain me by answering some questions? Then I’ll be out of your gorgeous hair and you’ll never have to see me again unless it’s on the 6 o’clock news. How about it?”

Peter chewed on his bottom lip then turned back to his laptop. “As long as I can work.”

“I mean you’re going to anyways, so sure.” Wade said. “Question number one. Are you a virgin-?”

Peter’s head snapped towards Wade. “Try again.”

“I’ll take that as a yes and store that information away for later. Question two. Do you still talk to Webs?”

Peter shook his head. “No. When he disappeared we, um, stopped talking. Last time I saw him was the last time I took his picture.”

“And that was...“ Wade recounted the research he’d done and snapped his fingers. “New Years Eve. Three years ago.”

Wade scanned over the wall and spotted the picture Peter had taken. It was hidden behind a few newer pictures, but was still visible. “This one.” Wade pointed to a worn looking picture of the Web-slinger himself crouched on top of a building.

Peter followed his finger and leaned back in his seat.

“...That’s the one.”

“Did he say anything alarming? Like “I owe Frank Costello money” or something along those lines?”

“Nope.” Peter popped the “p” and returned to his laptop. “It was... A perfectly normal day.”

“You’re proving to be  _incredibly_ useful.” Wade huffed and he started sifting through the pictures and articles on the cubical’s walls.

“I told you, I’ve got nothing. Quit touching my—“

“And you’re lying. We really don’t need to repeat the conversation, people can just go back and reread it.” Wade pulled an article off of the wall and something hit him. “...Have you been looking for him too?”

Peter blinked and looked at Wade bewildered. “No??”

Wade gasped. “You have! You ole Spidey-nerd you. That’s why you’ve got all this depressing memorabilia, you’ve been trying to track him down!”

*************

_This is ridiculous._ Peter thought.  _This is more than ridiculous._

It was taking everything in him not to laugh at the unsaid joke that only he got. How can you look for Spider-Man when you were Spider-Man?

Peter knew exactly where Spider-Man was, he didn’t have to look, but it’s not like he could tell Deadpool that.

“Come on pretty boy let’s exchange notes. I’ve got a good two years worth of research, plus whatever you’ve got- we could be team Nancy Drew. Team Riverdale— no scratch that. Riverdale is ass. Unless, you wanna have some sweet sweet at sex?”

Peter, ignoring the last part, thought it over and crossed his arms, but he quickly decided, “No.”

Deadpool seemed unfazed by his answer. “Not an option.”

Peter narrowed his eyes.

“See,” Deadpool continued, “This is it. You’re my last lead. My last chance to find Webs. So  _no_ isn’t an option.” Peter opened his mouth to say something, but Deadpool didn’t give him the chance. “I’ve been searching for two years and barely have anything, and now I’ve got someone who was apparently best buddies with him. I’m not just walking away. Whether or not you share what you have with the rest of the class is up to you, but until you do I’m going to be up. Your. Hot. Ass.” Deadpool pursed his lips under the mask and raised his brow. “Metaphorically and physically if you want.”

“I— no. Hold on, shut up.” Peter squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. With Peter’s past experiences with Deadpool, he wasn’t kidding. He was a persistent pain in the ass. Peter once upon a time found that enduring, but right now it was just annoying.

_I could just... Throw him off track a little bit, give him a few miss leads that go nowhere and hopefully, hopefully, he’ll give up. _Peter groaned as he thought. _I forgot how stubborn he is... Kind of missed it—_ Peter winced and shook his head. _Just give him a few false leads, send him on his way, and never talk to him again. Last loose end tied up, done and done._

“Alright,” Peter opened his eyes and looked and Deadpool, “I might be able to help you out a little.”

“Goodie goodie!” Deadpool clapped.

Peter’s laptop chimed a little tune alerting him about an e-mail. He held up a finger to Deadpool to say  “ _One Sec_ ”  and scrolled through his emails. Jameson’s name was everywhere and everything was in all caps. Lots of exclamation marks and lots of swearing. Very professional. The e-mails were about deadlines, quality, bringing in uninvited mutant guest, yatta yatta yatta. 

Peter sighed as he turned back to Deadpool. “Actually, could we talk more tomorrow?”

“...Did I not just go on a whole tangent about being up your ass-?”

“No, you did,” Peter rolled his eyes, “But I have a job to do right now. You’re welcome to stay if you really want, but I’m not talking Spider-Man. I need to work.”

“Sounds good to me.” Deadpool didn’t make a move to leave. Apparently he actually planned to stay.

“Okay, I lied. You’re not welcome to stay. You’ll get me in trouble. Or more trouble at least.” The laptop chimed again. “I’m off tomorrow we can talk then. We’ll get breakfast or something,” Peter turned to his laptop hooked his camera up to it, “And you know where I work so it’s not like I can weasel my way out of this, so...”

“Fine! Fine, fine, fine, fine. Tomorrow then. You. Me. IHOP. And well trade our Spider-Man diaries.” Deadpool said.

“Sure.” Peter wasn’t really listening but he heard “IHOP”. He’d agree to anything if it meant Deadpool would just leave.

“9 am! It’s a date.” Deadpool stood up and his chair rolled back. “I’ll count the minutes we’re apart.”

Peter rolled his eyes  _again_ and listened to the sound of Deadpool’s heavy boots walking away.

When he heard the elevator ding and the doors slide shut, he sighed deeply and laid his head down on his desk. 

He was already exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last edited 02/04/21


	2. Breakfast Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade and Peter have breakfast together then Wade proceeds to indirectly guilt Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all making me blush with all this positive feedback! I’m sorry to say that my update schedule will be really random due to work, but I will try my best.

Peter walked down the street with his teeth chattering and his hands shoved into his pockets. With the holidays nearing it was freezing outside. Peter, being the financially unstable college graduate he was, did not have proper winter gear. He had on a long sleeve shirt, a sweater, and then the thickest jacket he owned on over that. That still wasn’t enough because even his bones felt chilled.

Peter broke out of the flow of people on the sidewalk and slipped into the IHOP. He was met with instant warmth and sighed as feeling returned to his toes.

“Is it just you?” 

Peter looked towards the host stand and there stood a tired looking girl in her late teens early twenties.

Peter shed his jacket and looked around the restaurant.

“Petey-Pie~!”

Peter’s eyes darted to the left, and in the far back corner Pete saw Deadpool’s masked head pop up over the dividers. Peter pursed his lips and laughed through his nose before turning his attention back to the hostess.

“I’m with him. Thanks.”

The hostess nodded and Peter made his way to the back. He sat down in the rubbery booth and set his jacket next to him. Deadpool sat across from him looking over a menu humming. He was in casual winter clothes. A thick black hoodie with the words “Fake Love” scrawled across it, a coat off to the side, gray sweat pants, but he still had on his gloves and mask. The rest of his suit was probably hidden under his clothes. Pete remembered he hardly ever took it off.

“For a second I didn’t think you were going to show up. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been stood up—“ Deadpool looked up from his menu, stared at Peter for a moment, then squinted.

“What?” Peter asked defensively, “Is there toothpaste on my face or something?” He pulled the sleeve of his sweater down and rubbed around his mouth.

“No, more like what’s not on your face. Yesterday you had a nasty booboo up and down the side of your face.”

_ Shit.  _ Peter laughed a little and shrugged. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Uh, you know... Vaseline is a bitch.”

Deadpool seemed to just shrug it off then folded his menu closed. “Sooo, how has your day been?”

Peter opened a menu and scanned it over before quickly closing it and setting it off to the side.  _ IHOP is expensive, or I’m just very poor. Probably the second one.  _ “Well, I’ve only been awake for an hour, so.” Peter squinted and folded his hands together.

Thankfully, a waitress came by and took their orders before they could continue with awkward small talk. The two ordered and the waitress left only to return a minute later with two mugs of coffee. Wade just sort of stared at his while Peter added as much cream and sugar as he could to his.

“Would you like some coffee with that?” Deadpool joked in a mockingly deep voice.

“Choke.” Peter retorted and mixed his coffee carefully so it wouldn’t spill. He took a sip and hummed happily.  _ Guess I’ll start.  _ “... So... How long have you been looking for Spider-Man?”

Deadpool tapped a gloved finger in the table rhythmical as he thought. “A little over two years.”

Peter furrowed his brow and took another sip of coffee.

“I haven’t been looking the full three years because at first I thought Spidey was just avoiding me.” Deadpool answered Pete’s unasked question.

Peter’s eyes darted up to meet Deadpool’s, but Pool was looking down at the table. 

“I thought he’d finally had enough of me and decided to move on. Despite my  great  personality, and killer bod, people drop me like hot shit.  _ Surprise ,  surprise. _ ” Deadpool chuckled then mumbled a quick “ _shut up_ ” to  _ someone _ . He cleared his throat and spoke animatedly. “Then around the end of the month I was like “Oh shit Spidey is nowhere to be found.” So then I thought, maybe he’s on some side quest with the Avengers, because he worked with them on occasion— He usually told me when he was going to be away, but maybe this time he just didn’t have time to find me? Then Fury- do you know Fury?”

Peter blinked. “Yes?”

“Cool.” He didn’t question it. “So, One Eyed Willy called me in for some work- “classified”,” He did air quotes, “But I’ll give you a hint.  _ Fuck _ Task Master. Shit lasted 7 months. I was across the pond for 7 months and just thought Spidey was off on his own little mission trading friendship bracelets with the Hulk only to return to find out he  _ still  _ hasn’t shown back up and New York has turned into assfuck city—“

“You didn’t leave the states again?” Peter blurted out, then when Deadpool gave him a weird look he back pedaled. “Uh— Spider-Man said you moved around a lot, so I just assumed you’d... Leave. Something about him being your only reason for staying... Or whatever.”

“Trust me, I wanted to.” Deadpool crossed his arms on the table. “There’s nothing I wanted to do more than say fuck it and move onto another city. Despite the spandex esc suit, I’m not a hero.” He paused. “...But knowing something happened to Webs I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He may have not considered us friends or anything, but I did.”

Peter felt a new guilt build inside him and everything was suddenly very fresh. He wrapped his hands around his cup of coffee and tried to focus on the warmth and not the dread creeping up his spine.

“Spidey gave me chance after chance, and I did nothing but let him down. He still stuck around for some unknown reason. Definitely not because of my boyish charm.” Pool chuckled. “He was the only person who didn’t just write me off as a lost cause...” His voice grew quieter and he shook his head slightly. “I don’t want to find Webs for the city- definitely not. Before he disappeared New York treated him like shit.”

Peter held his breath.

“I just want to know if he’s okay.”

Peter’s grip on his mug tightened, the glass whined, and the cup handle snapped off in his hand. A bit of coffee spilled on the table in the process. Pete jumped and blinked rapidly like  _ “Did I do that?” _

“Oh, shit—“ He tried to think up an excuse, a good reason to just snap a handle off of a cup—

“Damn, they need new cups.” Deadpool wrote it off and grabbed a few napkins out of the despiser before laying them over the spilled coffee. 

_God, what is with all of my slip ups today?_ Peter thought and wiped the coffee off of his hands and the table. He stayed quiet and busied himself with cleaning.

“But anyways, that’s just me rambling! Just my little tragic backstory. Now, let’s rewind our conversation a few paragraphs. I have been a topic of conversation between you and Webs?” Deadpool leaned forward.

“Did I say that?” Peter set the coffee soaked napkins to the side. 

“It was alluded towards, yes.” Peter could see Deadpool’s grin under his mask. Peter took in a breath to speak then the waitress came back with their food. A large and colorful stack of pancakes was placed in front of Deadpool and an egg and sausage breakfast for Peter. Peter looked at the stack of pancakes with slight envy and poked at his fried eggs.  _ Pancakes sound good. Maybe I should put off paying student loans. I mean my credit is already pretty shit so what’s the harm—  _ Peter continued to think to himself as he stared at his plate. The waitress went to leave, but Deadpool stopped her. 

“Could I go ahead and get a lil doggie bag pretty please?”

The waitress nodded and scooted off quickly.

Peter made a face. “Why?”

“Well, darling-doo, I wouldn’t want to ruin your appetite, so I’ll just have brunch later.”

“Ruin my appetite-“ Peter thought back and it hit him. “Your... Face?”

“Right again! You’re very good at these guessing games. Next we’ll play “What’s Deadpool’s favorite position” that should be fun.” Deadpool teased. “Did Spidey tell you about the cheese crater riddled skin that I have?”

“No,” Peter said almost defensively, “He just... Mentioned that you were self conscious.”

Deadpool threw his head back and laughed hysterically. “Self conscious? That’s one hell of an understatement angel cakes! Hahaha—“ He looked at Peter and mimed wiping a tear out of his eye, “Listen babe, my body, it’s like Freddy Krueger and the Walrus from Tusk had hate sex, and then the  _ walrus  _ got pregnant, tried to have an abortion, abortion failed, then I came out. It’s not pretty.”

Peter refrained from rolling his eyes and instead sighed. “It can’t be that bad.”  _ It’s  ** not ** that bad.  _ He thought.

“See, that’s where you’re wrong, but thanks for the uplifting speech. I’ll keep it in mind.” 

The waitress returned with a box and Deadpool started piling in his pancakes. Peter watched him thinking. 

Three years ago, Spider-Man and Deadpool were friends. Peter wouldn’t say they were  _ close  _ close, but close enough that he ate with his mask up. Deadpool did the same. They never made a big deal about it, it just sort of happened, and it was natural. Now Peter was watching Deadpool put hot cakes into a to-go box because he didn’t want to gross Peter out. Peter felt like he had lost some sort of progress... He sighed and took a bite of his food. Deadpool set the box to the side and pulled a tiny Hello-Kitty notebook out of his pocket and began flipping through it.

“What’s that?” Peter asked and pointed at it with his fork.

“This, my frail looking companion, is my spidey-diary. You thought I was kidding last chapter but I was dead serious when I said we would be trading.”

“So you’ve actually been keeping a diary of... Spider-Man.”

“Of course! I’d think you being a super fan yourself you’d have one on you as well, but I can see that you’re a poser.” Deadpool stopped turning pages and scanned over the scribbled writing. “So, now that you have my timeline, what about yours?”

Peter swallowed. “My timeline?”

“Yeah, that’s what I said. Like what you’ve been doing. How has Spidey’s disappearance affected you  personally.  Catch me up like it’s a filler episode, because that’s sort of what this is. And don’t lie! I’ll know if you’re lying.” 

Peter flashed through the past three years then blinked. “I, Uh,”  _Been wallowing in my own self pity_ ,  “You know... Taking pictures...” He mimed taking a picture.

Deadpool blinked and nodded slowly. “Cool, cool, nothing else to add? Great. You know, you are just so chuck full of life?” He sighed, “Let’s just share notes already— Last time Webs was seen he was fighting the apparently undead Green Goblin, he won I’m pretty sure, both of them disappeared. The two of you met up that morning for a quickie-“

“A  _ photoshoot _ .” Peter corrected.

“Same thing- so, what all do you recall about that day?”

Peter’s mouth got dry.  _ Throw him off.  _ He thought.  _ Pull something out of your ass. Something completely unrelated to that day.  _ “After the shoot Spider-Man said something about S.H.I.E.L.D.” He blurted.

“S.H.I.E.L.D. Yeah,” Deadpool flipped through a few pages. “I know Webs was working with them on a few projects. One of them involving the Green Goblin. So, I borrowed a few files without asking and wrote down the important stuff. The Green Goblin was Norman Osborn on some Steroids-Extreme ™ and—“

Peter froze.  _ Way to throw him off.  _ “S.H.I.E.L.D. Knew it was Norman Osborn?”

Deadpool sighed and shook his head. “Baby, S.H.I.E.L.D. knows everything. Anyways, everyone knows the Green Goblin commited seppuku- so how did he show up the night Spidey disappeared?”

Peter couldn’t look Deadpool in the eye. 

*************

** Jesus Christ this kid is fidgety and shifty eyed **

_ How can you blame him? Spidey told him all about us so he probably thinks the worst of us which is why he won’t tell us anything. _

Wade ignored the boxes and tried to focus on Peter.

** And what was with his reaction just now? **

_ I know! He seemed upset. _

“Maybe he came back because of the serum somehow.” Peter started it as more of a fact than a question.

Wade hummed and laid his notebook on the table. “I guess that’s believable, but that doesn’t explain the disappearance.”

Peter chewed his lip and his shoulders tensed slightly. “...Do you have anything else about the Green Goblin?”

Wade smirked under his mask. “Peaked your interest have I? Sadly, no, I don’t. All I know is the identity of the GG. The file actually hasn’t been touched in like four years so all of the stuff in it is a little dated, but I think there’s another way to get information.”

Peter raised an eyebrow in question. “Is there like another file or something?”

“Of sorts. It’s a living breathing file that was created due to a mommy and daddy being very lovey-dovey~” Wade wiggled his eyebrows at Peter. “Anyways, Osborn has a son, Harry Osborn. So I figured if anyone would know anything about Father Dearest it would be his spawn.”

Wade watched a range of emotions cross Peter’s face.

** Like really, his reactions are so strange.  **

_ Did he eat something bad? I mean IHOP isn’t exactly the cleanest— _

“Harry Osborn is dead too.” Peter said.

_ Ah. I see we’ve fucked up. _

Deadpool blinked. “He is?”

Peter nodded slowly and kept his eyes on his plate as he spoke. “Yup. He... died of... a drug overdose.”

“Shit, maybe I really did fuck up.” Wade mumbled. “Did you know him?”

Peter nodded again. “He was my best friend.”

“Oh, Uh... Sorry to hear.” Wade scratched his neck a little embarrassed. He felt his ears heat up along with his cheeks.

** Way to go fuckass.  **

_ How could we have missed something like that?? That’s very crucial information! _

Wade paused for a second as the wheels in his head turned. “Hey, quick question, sorry to make you think about something that was probably  very  tragic, but I need to progress the plot. How long ago did Harry die?”

Peter didn’t seem to be paying attention, he was spaced out staring at his fork. “Three years ago.”

**...Sus  **

Wade hit the table and Peter jumped.

“Hey! That’s something!” Wade exclaimed. “Again, very sorry for your loss. I feel just terrible. Really, I feel for you—“

Peter had this look of  “ _how fucking stupid am I?_ ”  on his face and Wade couldn’t place why.

“Would you happen to know who owns Oscorp now?” Wade squinted and tucked his notebook back into his pocket. Peter rubbed his eyes in a frustrated manor and shook his head in disbelief as he grumbled to himself about his own stupidity. 

Wade got tired of waiting for a response so he pulled out his phone and looked up  _Oscorp_.  He read over the results and he sighed. “Literally, how did I miss the whole dead Harry thing, it’s all over the place- who’s Mendel Stromm?” Wade poked Peter’s unresponsive head.

“He’s the new owner of Oscorp.” Peter mumbled with his head buried in his arms.

“Interesting, vewy vewy intewesting- yoohoo miss?” Wade flagged down the waitress again. “Could I go ahead and get a check? His too.”

The waitress nodded and shuffled off again.

Peter sat up suddenly, his forehead red and his hair sticking up at odd angles. “I can pay for myself.”

“I’m sure you can honey buns. How about you make it up to me by taking me to the Osborn manor?”

Peter’s face dropped. “Why?”

The waitress brought Wade his ticket and he handed her his card. 

“Because I want to do some snooping! I mean, it can’t be a coincidence that Osborn Jr. died around the same time that the GG reappeared and fucking Webs dipped- it’s just all very suspicious, so we’ll be moving our date to this rich white mans house.”

Peter shook his head and waved his arms around. “Noooo, no. This was supposed to be a one time thing and then you’d be out of my hair.”

“It is a one time thing!” Wade nodded and made a circular motion with his hand. “A continuous, one time thing! Technically it’s a one time thing if I never leave you alone.”

Peter buried his head in his hands and groaned. The waitress returned with the receipt and Wade thanked her as he stood. “Come on bubble butt we’ve got places to be.” Wade tugged at Peter’s arm and he reluctantly got out of the booth.

“Can’t you just go interrogate some villains about Spider-Man?” Peter protested. “Doc Oc, King Pin, Electro,  _literally anyone_. ”

“I could.” Deadpool nodded and dropped a hundred on the table as a tip. “I could go around asking about Spidey to the people who have benefited most from his disappearance. I’d probably end up having to regrow a limb or two,  ooooor  I could drag your cute little twink ass around the city.”

“Option number one sounds pretty appealing to me. Minus the regrowing limbs part.” Peter followed Wade out of the store and slipped his jacket on. In a few minutes he was shivering. Wade watched him carefully as they walked.

“I dunno babe. Door number two is pretty appealing.”

_ He’s cold! _

Well, maybe if he wasn’t 2 pounds.

“Here.” Wade hadn’t put his own coat on so he draped it over Peter’s shoulders. Peter of course protest. “I’m fine.” He said with his teeth chattering.

Deadpool did that amused nose laugh and rolled his eyes. “Really? Because you’re shaking and quaking in your lil shoes. Just accept the generous gesture.”

Peter shot Wade a look and reluctantly pulled the coat on.

“Alrighty then snookums.” Wade wrapped his arm around Peter’s shoulder with a smile. “Lead the way.”

Peter scowled. “When will  _this_ , ” he gestured between the two of them. “Be over do you think?”

“Well, if everything works out, never! We’ll get married, have six or seven kids, get a dog, or cat! I’m not picky.” Wade joked. “But in all seriousness, this ends when I finds Webs or find out what happened to him. You’re stuck with me, baby boy.”

Peter shivered. 

Wade looked at him. “Are you still cold?”

Peter’s face flushed, presumably from the cold. “Yeah.” He said. “Let’s just get this over with.” And he lead them down the sidewalk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last edited 02/04/21


	3. Follow the Leader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets the first bit of serotonin in his brain in three years while Deadpool just follows him around confused as hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey sorry I haven’t updated in a while. And sorry the end of this chapter may seem a little rushed. I’ve been really busy with work and applying to schools, but I’ll try to get a move on chapter 4!

_My plan has failed. Miserably._ Peter thought with a sigh. He was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Deadpool in a dingy New York taxi stuck in traffic. The heat in the cab was fleeting and the smell was rancid. It was a combination of cigarettes, alcohol, and some third smell Peter could place. They were headed to Osborn manor like Deadpool had wanted, but Peter wasn’t happy about it. Of course he wasn’t. Why would he be?

 _ I tried to redirect him and he put the pieces of the puzzle together better than I thought he would.  _ Peter crossed his arms and looked out the window while Deadpool played Subway Surfers on his phone with the volume on.

_ How was I supposed to know he had S.H.I.E.L.D. files? Further more, how was I supposed to know S.H.I.E.L.D. Knew about Mr. Osborn? _

“You’re pouting.” Deadpool commented and Peter sat up straighter.

“I’m not pouting.” He retorted.

“I’m pretty sure that’s pouting.” Deadpool put his phone away and shifted around in the seat. “Cozy aren’t we? Should we reenact the car scene in Saturday Night Fever?”

Peter ignored him and pulled his knees away from the back of the drivers seat. “What are you hoping to find at the manor?”

Deadpool huffed and leaned further back in his seat. “Anything. Any kind of hint to show what happened.”

_ Obviously I can’t let that happen.  _ Peter ran his tongue over his teeth and looked back out the window. “Would you ever give up? Looking for Spider-Man I mean.”

“Nope. I don’t think so. I don’t have anything else going for me, and I don’t think I ever will! So this is it. At least until I find him. Then he’ll be all like “Deadpool,” He said in a higher pitched voice, “You really pulled though this time. Thanks man. I’m proud of you and I respect you also we are totally best friends and I’m sorry I left without telling you!” And then we’ll get Mexican and see where the night takes us. Hopefully back to my place.” 

Peter felt a smile tug at his face, but he fought it. “Have you ever thought that maybe he doesn’t want to be found?”

Deadpool looked at Peter dumbfounded and scrunched up his nose. “Of course I have, but I can’t think of a reason as to  why  he wouldn’t want to be found.” Deadpool nudged Peter with his elbow. “Why? Do you know something I don’t?” Deadpool leaned closer and Peter pushed him back.

“No, you and I are in the same boat.” Peter shoved his freezing hands into the coat Deadpool had lent him. Pool sighed next to him and mumbled something to himself.

“So,” Deadpool started, “How much longer until we get there do you think?”

Peter hummed and looked out the window to get a feel of where they were. “Well, the manor is on the outskirts of the city, so... 30 minutes give or take with traffic.”

Deadpool groaned. “We’d already  be there if you’d agreed to piggyback across the roof tops. I wouldn’t drop you.”

Peter shook his head and again fought back a smile. “Sure.”

“Aw come on, you have to be a little intrigued. Bounding across the roof tops of New York on your noble and trusty stead.” 

“Can’t say I am.” Peter half laughed.  _I kinda am. Ah! Shut up!_

“This is gonna take a hot second, so let’s play eye-spy. Or is it I-spy?”

Peter gave up trying to keep a straight face and sighed at the bad joke. “Sure let’s play.” He hummed, “I go first though.”

After about 35 minutes of mindless car games the cab again came to a stop and the cabbie turned to Pool. He muttered some amount to Deadpool in a thick accent. Deadpool seemed reluctant, but he paid and the two hopped out. Peter took in a deep breath of cold, but clean (as clean as city air could get) air. 

Next to him, Deadpool whistled and placed his hands on his hips looking upward. “Shit.” 

The manor was enormous. Enormous and probably cost more than all of Queens put together. It was surrounded by a 12 foot tall cement wall covered with dark green Ivy. The only part not covered by greenery were two looming iron gates in the center as well as a small panel with buttons to the left.

Peter looked up at the familiar scene and a sense of melancholy turned inside his stomach. He pushed the feeling aside and balled his hands into fist inside his pockets.

“Shall we?” Deadpool snapped Peter out of his thoughts and he jumped.

“Ah, yeah. You first.” Peter gestured to a small panel next to the gates.

“So I only go first when it’s convenient for you?”

“Of course.” Peter grinned.

“Of course.” Deadpool repeated with a roll of the eyes and stepped up to the panel. He pressed what he assumed was a sort of “Call” button. After a few seconds of silence a screen folded out from an area of the wall above them and showed a pale bald man who looked to be in his late 50’s. He turned to the camera and Deadpool was caught off guard. “Oh shit!” He exclaimed and leaned back. The off part about the man was that half of his face was machine and he had a glowing red eye.

“I didn’t order anything—...Peter Parker?” The man leaned forward in his seat to get a better look, adjusting him monocle as he did so.

Peter forced a smile and gave a shy wave stepping forward a bit. “Dr. Stromm.”

The man leaned back and beamed down at them. “Nice to see you! Want me to send a cart around for you?”

”We’re fine walking.” Peter said.

”Alright then, I’ll meet you in the foyer.” The man said and the screen blinked to black before folding itself neatly back into the wall.

A second later, there was a loud mechanical _buzz_ and the gates creaked open slowly. Peter walked past them with Deadpool tailing him.

“You’re friends with Cyborg Vladimir Putin?” Pool asked, leaning over slightly.

“Oh yeah. We share secrets about the New World Order all the time over tea.” Peter cracked and hunched his shoulders against the cold wind. Meanwhile, Deadpool seemed unaffected. Instead of shivering he smiled. “So we have jokes now? I was starting to think somebody had shoved a stick up your ass... I’d be happy to oblige—“

“He’s Mendel Stromm. The man on the monitor. He’s the one who owns Oscorp now.” Peter changed the subject.

Deadpool nodded. “And you two are best pals because...?”

As the two approached the large oak front doors, they swung open from the inside. The two servants who opened the doors stepped to the side, and there stood the man from the screen, Mendel Stromm. He was taller than Peter but shorter than Deadpool. He was your typical meek, old looking scientist, but the entire left side of his body was all metal. He wore a dirty lab coat with some formal work wear underneath.

“Parker! Good to see you.” He greeted and put his hands in his pockets. 

Peter waved and stepped inside with Deadpool. The doors were shut behind them and warmth enveloped them again. As he spoke a servant approached Peter and offered to take his coat. Peter handed it off with a thank you.

“I have to say your a bit earlier than your usual visit, and you’ve...” Stromm glanced form Peter to Deadpool curiously. “Brought a guest with you?”

Before Deadpool could make a witty remark Peter cut him off and stepped forward a bit. 

“Sorry to intrude and bring extras. I should have called ahead.”

“Nonsense, you know you’re welcome here. I still have an open position in my labs just for you.”

Peter shrugged awkwardly. “Tempting, but...”

“Buuuut you’re on with Stark. I know, I know.” He chuckled. “So what brings you here so early? And with a...” He eyes Deadpool with a look of confusion. “Spandex clad bodyguard.”

Again Deadpool went to speak and again Peter cut him off. “I just came for an early visit this year. This is Deadpool. He’s...” Peter looked at Pool and tried to think of a quick lie. “A friend. I wanted him to come.”

Dr. Stromm nodded and kept his brow firm. “I understand.” His eye darted around the room as he thought then he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uh, would your friend like a tour?”

The eyes of Deadpool’s mask lit up with excitement. “Would I!”

“Would you?” 

“Would I!”

“He would.” Peter interjected. “He would.” 

Dr. Stromm chuckled. “Follow me then.” And he lead them off down one of the many elegant hallways. Stromm began to go on a long tangent about the “intricate history” of the house that Peter tuned out having heard it all a million times by now. 

“So,” Deadpool whispered. “Come here often?” He wasn’t listening either apparently.

Peter huffed. “That’s a lazier line.”

“No that was a legitimate question. How dare you even  think  I’d use a lazy one liner like that.”

Peter gave him a slightly amused look and shook his head. “My apologies,” He looked forward. “But to answer your question, kind of.”

“Kind of?”

Peter shrugged. “I come when I feel like it, but I usually visit around New Years and Harry’s birthday...”

Deadpool scratched his jaw and looked up at the ceiling. “Ah, because...?”

“Yeah.” Peter picked at his nails. “It just... Makes _me_ feel better. I know it’s... Weird to visit a dead friends house constantly, but it’s just comforting.” He sounded defensive.

Deadpool shrugged and slid his hands into his sweatshirt’s pocket. “...Nah. Not really. I mean, everyone grieves differently.” He laughed awkwardly. “That’s one of the more tame ways to grieve though, At least you didn’t go on a killing spree, right? Could be worse.”

Peter side eyed Deadpool with mild concern. “You... Went on a killing spree?” 

_ Which time? _ Peter wondered.  _ When we met it was right after- _

“You sound surprised.” Deadpool scoffed and tilted his head to the side. “Guess Spidey didn’t tell you everything. Yeah, I uh, I killed a shit tone of people after my fiancé was shot. In my defense... I was very smad (Sad Mad), and they all deserved it!”

“That’s not your call to make.” Peter tried to keep his voice down. _We met right after he killed all those Weapon-X agents. Is that what he’s talking about?_

Deadpool shrugged. “I mean too late now. Those bitches are dead. Dead as hell.” He looked at Peter with narrowed eyes. “Though I can see why you and webs were close. Same morals. You sound  exactly  like him. I mean  exactly. I can remember when we first met. That’s all he would say after we teamed up and I would send a few souls satans way. Murder bad.”

 _ Yeah I remember.  _ Peter shook his head and thought back to the last time him and Pool had spoken while he was still Spider-Man. Pool was doing better. A lot better; he was putting in real effort to be a hero. “But you’re a lot better about it now aren’t you?”

“I guess...” Pool shook his head and huffed. “I mean the whole point of me “Going Straight” was for Webs, then he left.”

Peter shrank back. “Have you gone back to killing?” 

Deadpool paused for as a second then admitted, “I have my days...”

Peter knit his eyebrows together and looked at Deadpool, but just before he could ask Dr. Stromm stopped abruptly and Peter almost ran into him. 

“-And of course, this was Harry’s room.” Stromm said.

Peter stomach dropped. He hadn’t realized what direction they were headed and now he wasn’t ready for the sudden wall of grief that hit him. 

“Everything is untouched, can’t bring myself to have it cleaned out.” Stromm looked from the door to Peter. “I’ll... Give you a moment. I’ll be back in my labs if you need me. Peter you know the way.” Then he meandered down the hall leaving Peter and a slightly awkward Deadpool alone. Peter stared at the door handle for what felt like an hour until Deadpool cleared his throat.

“Uh... Shall we?” Pool gestured to the door. Peter blinked and wiped his eyes while he fumbled with the door and opened it.

The room was dark and dust particles floated out into the hall followed by the smell of old furniture. Peter quickly stepped inside and Deadpool followed.

The room was exactly how Peter had left it during his last visit in the Spring. The bed was made neatly but there was still an imprint on the bed from where Peter had sat last time. All of Harry’s books were still on the shelves covered in dust, chair still slightly pulled out from the desk from where he had last gotten up, a tea set sat out on the coffee table, piano lid open with a music sheet sat on the stand. It was like Harry had been there yesterday.

He hadn’t though. He was gone. He’d been gone for three years.  _Three years_ and Peter was still a wreck. Peter walked over to the piano and looked at the music sheet. 

_ November; Max Richer_

He crossed his arms and shrank in on himself as he remembered the last time Harry had played for him. He was a great pianist, Peter would always tell him. That only fueled Harry’s ego, but that was alright. Peter thought it was enduring.

Off to his right Deadpool was oddly quiet. Not that Peter didn’t appreciate the silence, but it was odd for the other to be quiet for longer than a minute. Peter turned to Pool to find him looking over the contents on top of Harry’s old desk.

Pool glanced back at Peter then back at the desk. “Sooo, what did Harry OD on?” He said it so casually.

“Antipsychotics.” Peter squeezes his arms and lied. “He had schizophrenia.”

“These?” Pool held up an old bottle.

Peter nodded and walked over to the desk with Pool. Pool popped open the bottle and poured a few pills into his hand while Peter watched him carefully.

“Respirdal.” Deadpool read the prescription off the bottle then looked at the pills, and immediately his eyes went wide. “Uuuh,” He looked at Peter, his eyes a bit wide and tension in his shoulders. “Ooga booga, how are you feeling? On a scale of one to ready to receive bad news.”

He suddenly has Peter full attention. “What? Why?” 

“Uuuh, this isn’t Respirdal.” Deadpool looked into the bottle at the remaining pills. “It’s not even expired Respirdal.”

Peter’s looked bewildered and he stepped closer to Pool, eyeing the pills with a new cautiousness. “What? How do you know?”

“Few years ago I was jumping around jobs and took one with another guy. He had to take Respirdal.” Pool dumped all the pills back into the bottle except for one and held it in his fingers. “Respirdal is green like these, but these are hand made. “ He unscrewed the capsule and green powder spilled out from the sides. “You can tell because of the casing. These are used for making homemade drugs. Real Respirdal is manufactured.”

Peter stared at the powder in disbelief, his mind was blank. “Let me see a pill.” 

Pool handed him the bottle and Peter took a pill out and studied it closely in his own hand. He didn’t know what he was feeling. His head was empty and his heart was racing. Something deep in him told him that this was all very wrong. Whether it was his Spider sense or just his gut, it didn’t matter. “Do you know what this is then?” He asked looking up at Pool.

“No. For all I know this could just be expired cocaine. Does cocaine expire? I hope not, I’ve got a _lot_ of it hidden in my walls. Saving it for a rainy day.”

Peter pocketed the pill and bottle with a hard look on his face. “Follow me.” He instructed and quickly left the room.

Deadpool blinked and threw the pill he had over his shoulder before following after Peter.

“Hey, hey, hey what’s going on? Do you have a lead or something? Sharing is caring.” 

“This is about something different.” Peter kept an even and quick pace as he sped through the mansion, around corners and down stairs until the reached an industrial level of the manor. The floors were tiled and the walls were bare and white with metal doors on either side. 

Peter was almost running now and Deadpool was beyond confused. 

Peter stopped at a larger automatic sliding door with the green Oscorp logo plastered on it. Peter hurriedly punched in a code, and doors slid open. Before they were even open all the way Peter slipped in with Pool close behind.

They were in a lab now, and a nicer one too, but that was to be expected. It was empty other than Dr. Stromm, who was over at a welding station doing what seemed to be working on his mechanical arm. He set down his tools and pushed his goggles up when the two came in. 

“Parker? That didn’t take too long—“ 

“Dr. Stromm I need to use your lab.” Peter said it as more of a demand than a request.

Stromm blinked, surprised. “Oh, of course. Whatever you need.”

Peter nodded and speed walked over to a machine that was about as big as he was with multiple empty glass vials inside that were set in a rotating stand. While he booted up the computer attached to it, Pool watched him baffled. Stromm reattached his arm and watched Peter as he approached Deadpool.

“What is he doing?” Stromm asked, not taking his eyes off of Pete.

Deadpool shrugged and rolled his eyes. “Hell if I know. He refuses to tell me anything.”

Stromm nodded and pulled his goggles off of his head before setting them on a table. “Give him some time. It takes a bit for him to warm up to someone.”

They watched as Peter slipped on a pair of goggles and and began gathering things from around the lab.

“Hey, I have a question.” Pool crossed his arms and kept his gaze forward. 

“Go right ahead.” Stromm rocked on his heels and looked away from Peter to Pool.

“This is a really nice place.”

“Um, yes I’d say so.” Stromm agreed.

Pool nodded. “And I noticed you don’t have too much security.” He watched as Peter typed something into a computer and pulled the pill bottle out of his pocket. “And this is the furthest place from any police station or anything like that for that matter, so why aren’t villains on your doorstep waiting to rob you blind?”

“Well, my security system does a pretty good job of keeping the house secure on it’s own—“ Stromm’s phone began to ring and he pulled it out of his pocket. “Sorry, but I have to take this. Hello?” He answered and walked out of the lab into the hall.

Deadpool looked away from Peter and watched Stromm leave. He waited until Stromm was out of the room then approached Peter. “So, what’s going on?”

Peter was typing like crazy. “I’m testing this powder for something.” He slipped on some gloves and poured the powder from the pill into a solution then poured that into one of the many rotating glass vials. Pete closed the casing around it and the stand lifted up and out of sight. The machine whirled and hummed then a loading bar appeared on the screen of the computer.

Peter was crazy tense while he waited for the results. His shoulders were up to his ears and his back was hunched over the keyboard, nose inches away from the screen.

Deadpool watched him, still confused.

The computer refreshed and Peter read over the results. Suddenly, his face went pale and he felt crazy nauseous. He doubled over, but managed to keep the contents of his stomach in.

”Dude—!” Deadpool dropped to his knees and placed a worried hand on Peter’s back. After Peter managed to suck in a few solid gasp of air, Pool helped him to his feet and helped him settle into an office chair.

Peter muttered, “I didn’t kill Harry.” He covered his mouth as he spoke and it came out muffled.

“What?” Pool knelt down to Peter’s level. “Pete what in the fuck is going on. Let me in the loop you little prick-“

“The pills.” Peter started ran his hands through his hair.  _ I didn’t do it- I didn’t—_

“I-I— Oh my God—“ Peter grabbed Deadpool’s arms and looked him in the eyes, “Those pills were full of a powdered form of the Green Goblin serum!” He was laughing now, almost hysterically.

“Fucking what—?” Pool’s eyebrows _had_ to be in his hairline right now.

_ I didn’t kill Harry.  _ Peter thought and he laughed again.  _ Oh my fucking God I didn’t kill Harry!  _ He was reeling in his head.

None of it made any sense to Deadpool _or_ to Pete, but Peter knew one thing for certain now.

He hadn’t driven his friend into his grave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last edited 02/04/21


	4. Shot Through The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade: Omg were on the same page!  
> Peter, literally reading a different book at this point: Yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pfffft, 2 month hiatus? Nooo, not this fic. Never! (I made this one extra long for you guys)

_ He touched our arms- _

** What in the butt fuckin’ tarnation is going on? **

_ He touched our arms and was all happy, very cute, 10/10 _

** He sure does know a lot about this serum for a civvie. Why? **

_ Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is that he fell into our arms and now our peepee kinda hard. _

“Shut up.” Wade muttered and shook his head. “You said a powdered form of the Green Goblin Serum. What is that? Why are you so excited about it? I understand nothing.”

_ Not that we don’t like it! Him being excited I mean. He needed to loosen up a little anyways. _

Peter collected himself then grabbed the ledge of the table and rolled himself closer to the computer.

“The Green Goblin Serum is what Osborn made to give himself mutant abilities. He injected it directly into his blood stream and became the Green Goblin.” Peter pointed at the mumbo jumbo on the screen. None of it made sense to Wade. “These pills are a powdered form of the serum.“

Under the mask Wades face contorted with confusion, Everything was a muddled mess in his head. “Wait, Harry was taking these, right?”

Peter, still focused on the computer screen, nodded. “In place of his schizophrenia medication. With that dosage for as long as he was taking these-“

“They turned him into GG the sequel. There were two Goblins.” Wade finished and the pieces clicked together in his head. “Damn I’m good.”

_ Look at us. A couple of detectives- do you think Spidey would be jealous? I like to think he would be- Wait doesn’t that get confusing in the comics? Two Green Goblins? _

** Don’t think about it too hard. **

_ I never think! _

Wade stared at the screen for a second longer then glanced at Peter. “Well,” He cleared his throat awkwardly, “Good news is, Harry didn’t kill himself...! Bad news is, he was the bigger, badder, Greener Goblin.”

Peter didn’t seem very surprised, or distraught about this new information. Wade blinked and again, felt confused. A feeling he was becoming more familiar with the more time he spent with Peter. He narrowed his eyes. “You don’t seem... Very surprised.”

Peter jumped and snapped his head over to Wade,  visibly  nervous. “I-I am! It’s just... Settling in.”

Wade narrowed his eyes.  _ That’s suspicious... That’s weird...  _ He thought. “So anyways,” he changed the subject, “Did Harry just want to follow in the steps of dear ol’ dad or what-?”

“No,” Peter cut him off and shook his head, “Harry wouldn’t do that.”

Wade grabbed the back of Peter’s seat and sucked in a breath through his teeth, his tone skeptical. “Taking into account your  intense bromance with this guy, don’t you think your judgement is a _little_ biased?” 

Peter froze and looked at Wade with an ice cold glare. It would have been intimidating had it not been for Peter’s pouting face. 

Wade struggled to fight back laughter. “I was just kidding—“

“He didn’t have enough knowledge of biochemistry to do something like this.” Peter said heatedly, and turned back to the screen. “For him to have stumbled across the formula, replicated it  and convert it into a powdered form would be a miracle.”

Wade hummed. “He could have been feigning ignorance?”

“Definitely not. Science was never his strong suit.” Peter said.

“So, someone had to have swapped out Harry’s meds for this Green Goblin cocaine. Why would they do that? How would they benefit from that?”

Peter bit his nails and leaned back in his seat. “That’s what  _ I  _ don’t understand.”

“Maybe if you didn’t purposefully leave me here all by my lonesome in the dark, we’d make more progress in this, now, murder mystery.” 

Peter ignored him and Wade half sighed half groaned.

“Alright, then mind telling me why you’re a connoisseur of the Green Goblin variety? You knew Norman was the GG this whole time.”

Peter paused and flexed his fingers over the keyboard as he thought, choosing his next words carefully. “...Back before all of this I was really close with the Osborn’s.”

Wade gasped loudly and clapped his hands on either side of his face in mock surprise. “No, really?! Damn I thought they just let any lanky kid and his strapped leather friend waltz right in.”

Peter groaned and punched Wades arm. 

Pete was kinds strong for a walking skeleton.

“ _Anyways_ , Mr. Osborn told me he was working on this serum that would give him insane abilities. He even showed me some of the “coding”, that’s how I was able to recognize it.” He sighed, “When the first Green Goblin popped up I knew it had to be Osborn’s experiment gone wrong. That and a majority of his attacks happened around this area of New York.”

Wade pursed his lips then crossed his arms. “...Did Harry know?”

Peter sighed and shook his head. “No, and I never told him. I honestly didn’t know how he would react to hearing that his dad had turned into the cities super villain, so I didn’t say anything to him. I knew after Mr. Osborn died and the Goblin disappeared Harry was suspicious, but I tried to keep his mind off of it best I could.”

“He never like, confronted you? What did he think happened to Norman?”

Again, Peter sighed and had a far off look in his eyes. “He was  _ told  _ that his dad died during the fight between the Green Goblin and Spider-Man when part of the mansion fell on top of him, but Harry never believed that Norman was just collateral damage.”

“Then what did he believe?”

A pained expression crossed Peter’s face, like someone had just punched him in a sore spot.

“He thought- well, he  _ knew  _ that Mr. Osborn was the Goblin, and thought that Spider-Man was the reason he’d died.” Peter said. 

Wade shrugged and shook his head. “Well, that impossible. Spidey doesn’t do the killing thing. He actually _heavily_ discourages it. Pretty sure he was programmed without a kill switch.”

“Do you even know what happened that night?” Peter turned away from the computer once again to face Wade, his shoulders tense and his tone defensive.

“Webs never told me anything. I asked him about it a few times because he seemed really out of it for the next few weeks after the last fight, but he brushed me off every time.” Wade said, a little salty. “But I assume he told you all the gory details judging by your reaction.”

Peter suddenly looked very tired. He clenched his jaw and scratched it, avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. Osborn wasn’t supposed to die. In the end he knew he was caught and didn’t want to rot in a cell so he...” Peter cleared his throat. “While Spider-Man was chasing him he just jumped off the roof. Spider-Man tried to catch him with his webbing, but by the time web met Goblin it was too late...” Peter narrowed his eyes. “...Obviously, Spider-man didn’t _mean_ to let Osborn fall... The way Harry looked at it was, it was Spider-man’s fault.” Peter winced, like he was getting second hand embarrassment. 

“He could have been faster— _should_ have been faster—“

Wade twitched and his hands tightened into fist underneath his folded arms. “I’m gonna stop you there kid,” He wanted to snap, but he kept his tone steady. “Because I know for a fact that Webs did all he could. He couldn’t have been faster. No way.”

Peter bit his cheek. “How do you  _ know _ ?” Peter sounded almost desperate for an answer. “You weren’t there.”

“Well, from the sound of it, neither was Harry.” Wade sighed and the conversation paused for a moment while Wade composed himself, eyes closed while he tried to find the right words. “...I fought a shit ton of dick bags over the years right along side Webs and lemme tell ya,  _I really wanted to kill a lot of those bastards_.” He breathed out slowly, “But I didn’t, because Webs wouldn’t let me. He wanted every shit stain we came across to be dealt with through the law,  _because he’s a good person_.”

Peter flinched.

“He gave it his all 100% of the time. You’re right, I wasn’t there, but I would bet on his fine ass that he was fighting tooth and nail to make sure that Osborn was dealt with through a court system. That’s how he handled things. To the best of his ability. There’s no possible way he could have been any faster. Norman’s death was his own fault. Sorry to tell your dead friend wrong, but that’s just the facts.”

Wade huffed and released the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders. When he opened his eyes, this time he couldn’t help but laugh. Peter was bright red now and he had his shoulder hitched up to his ears in embarrassment.

Peter swallowed the lump in his throat and tugged at the hair. On the back of his head. “I...” He exhaled thorough his nose and his eyes darted to the ground. “Sorry...”

Wade shrugged. “I get that you have a little bit of a Vendetta against Webs for all the stuff with the Gobins, but that wasn’t his fault. Plain and simple. So just... Refrain from slandering my special boy.”

After a half laugh half sigh from Pete, Wade could have sworn that heard a mumbled thanks, but Wade didn’t catch any sarcasm from it.

Peter ran his tongue over his teeth while he tapped his index finger rhythmically of the table, debating something in his head.“...Deadpool-“

Suddenly the double doors to the labs entrance flew open and in strolled Stromm, phone in hand.

The doctor grunted as he shoved his phone into his pocket and spoke. “I do apologize. Business calls come whenever they like.”

Peter seemed wary now. “That’s alright. “ He said as he stood. “We were actually just about to leave.”

Wade blinked. “We were?”

“We were.” Peter grabbed Wades arm and tugged him towards the door.

_ Oop, there goes my peepee. _

** One day, I will have had enough. And you will never hear from me again. **

Wade swatted at his ear like there was a fly.

“Oh, you’re leaving already?” Stromm raise an eyebrow and kept a close eye on Peter, Wade noticed. This guy sure did like to stare at him.

“You usually stay a few hours.”

Peter gritted his teeth and hesitated at the doorway. “I know, but something came up.” He pushed Wade out the door. “It was good to see you!” Peter called and they were on the move. Peter, still holding Wades arm, lead them through the manor as he mumbled to himself.

“...Alright, uh, getting back on track, let me see if I’ve got this right.” Wade started. “Norman Osborn was the Green Goblin and while he was fighting Webs, he killed himself. Harry Osborn blamed Spidey, giving him the perfect motivation to pick up where his dad left off, but according to you that’s not the case-“

“It’s not.” Peter reiterated.

“-And since were going off of what you say, that means somebody sabotaged Harry.”

Peter’s grip on Wades arm tightened. “Yes.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Why would someone make another Green Goblin? And this still doesn’t explain where Webs went.”

Wade could almost see the smoke coming out of Peter’s ears from all of the work his brain was doing. 

“I know,” Peter muttered just loud enough for Wade to hear, “ _ None _ of this makes sense.”

Finally, Peter managed to navigate them back to the entrance where Peter recollected Wade’s coat and slipped it back on before they were back out in the chilly winter air. 

“Why would someone make another Green Goblin?” Peter repeated. “Why would somebody recreate one of New York’s biggest villains?”

Wade crossed his arms and tapped his fingers against them as he thought. “Maybe for some sort of control?” He tried.

Peter considered it, but shook his head slowly. “I don’t think they could have. With as unpredictable as the Green Goblin was, it’d be too much work to try and control him.”

“So what? Just make a weapon of mass destruction?” 

“That’s so careless though? What is there to gain from that?” Peter huffed and shoved his hands into the pockets of Wades coat.

Wade wracked his brain for anything. Trying to see where all the wires attached, what switches weren’t flipped, something was missing out of all this. He had a feeling that Harry’s apartment “murder” had something to do with Web’s disappearance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For years Peter had thought that Harry willingly turned himself into the Green Goblin as a means to get revenge for his fathers death. Pete thought Harry had stumbled across the extra vials of serum that Pete had left in Norman’s secret lab and transformed himself on _purpose_ , but those pills had proven otherwise. If Harry wanted to become the Green Goblin, then would he choose to slowly poison himself with pills? 

Peter may have not been the cause of Harry’s death, but somebody was. Somebody had made those pills and given them to Harry, knowing exactly what they were doing. Knowing _exactly_ what it would do to Harry. What it would turn him into.

Peter was seething with rage

“Why Harry?” He questioned aloud and Pool blinked at him. “Of all the people in New York, this person could have picked anyone and they pick  _Harry_.”

“He may have just been a convenient target at the time.”

“Slowly poisoning someone and waiting for it to take affect doesn’t seem very _convenient_.” Peter spoke through gritted teeth. 

“I don’t think our uh, suspect? Mystery man—?” Pool did that thing where he would zone out, like he was listening to someone whisper in his ear, then snapped back to the conversation, “—Unsub, is the type of person to just walk up to a stranger and jab a heroine needle in their arm full of GG juice.”

“All the more reason Harry wasn’t just  _convenient_.”  Peter narrowed his eyes. They finally stepped off the property and were back on the sidewalk. Apparently Deadpool had paid the cabbie from earlier to sit there for the past couple of hours because he was still there luckily. Cabs didn’t usually drive by this area regularly.

The two climbed in and the cab sped off, in no particular direction. Deadpool muttered at the cabbie to just take them back to where he’d picked them up and leaned back in his seat, legs crossed with his arms spread out along the back of the seat.

“...Hey, Spidey didn’t have any relation to the Osborns did he?”

“No.” Peter lied and shook his head. “Why?”

Deadpool shrugged and scratched his chin. “Just spit balling here, but if Harry  _ wasn’t _ a target of circumstance, then our masked murderer may have been targeting people close to Webs’ private life, since it was _both_ Osborns.” He rolled his head back and hummed. “They may know his identity.” He whistled. “Lucky bastard.”

Peter’s heart stopped. That may have been a little closer to the truth then Deadpool realized.  _ It would make sense wouldn’t it?  _ Peter thought and began to bite is nails.  _What if someone does know my identity? So they went after the Osborn’s?_ Peter’s eyes widened. _Did I give them exactly what they wanted by disappearing-?_

“...Wait, am I _right_?!” Deadpool sat up and leaned closer to Peter. “I just pulled that theory out of my ass, am I actually right?!”

Peter leaned as far away from Deadpool’s face as far as he could and waved his hands around in a dismissive way. 

“No! I just told you Spider-Man and the Osborns didn’t know each other. I literally said Harry hated Spider-Man-“

“They could have known him as just a civilian! It would make sense right???”

“No.” Peter tried.

“Shut up, of course it does!” Pool leaned away and chuckled. “Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.”

_ What happened to Deadpool being a dumbass?  _ Peter refrained from scowling. “There’s also the chance that this guy—“

“Or girl.”

“—Had something against the Osborn’s, and Spider-man just got caught up in everything. That’s more believable. There were plenty of people who didn’t like Mr. Osborn and would do just about anything to get him out of the picture. People hated Harry too of course. He inherited the company.”

“I like my theory better, but I’ll bite. Have any of Norman’s competitors had any good fortune come there way after Oscorp rebranded?”

Peter furrowed his brow in thought. “After Harry’s death, Oscorp lost almost all investors and their customers. Most of them actually moved to Stark Industries.”

“Hey, earlier Stromm said that you were working there didn’t he?”

Peter nodded. “I’m interning, but I don’t think Mr. Stark is involved in this.”

“Iron-man might have an iron-vault of secrets though. Plenty of hero’s do.”

“Mr. Stark has always had more success than Oscorp though. He never really considered them competition until recently.” Peter sweat. “His words not mine.”

“Well, we’re still at a blank then. No suspects. But we have two possibilities, someone was out to get the Osborn’s and Webs got caught up in it, or someone was targeting people close to him.”

Peter looked out the window and saw the buildings getting progressively taller and closer together indicating they were getting further into the city.

“...Let’s start with people who wanted the Osborn’s out of the picture.” Peter said and turned his attention back to Deadpool.

“Oh, so  _ now _ you’re interested in my search?”

“Well, I’m pretty sure we just discovered a cover up of my best friend’s death. So, yes.”

Pool ignored Peter’s sour tone, and clapped like an excited toddler. “Oh, happy day! We’re like a modern day Jack and Annie, but our love isn’t forbidden.”

Peter made a face and the cab slowed to a stop a few blocks away from the IHOP they’d ate at earlier that day. “Aren’t those the main characters from the Magic Treehouse books?” Peter paused. “Weren’t they brother and sister?”

Peter could almost see Deadpool’s stupid grin under his mask. “So you  _ do  _ get my reference humor, but yeah. That’s why they’re love was forbidden.”

Peter paused and blinked at Pool. “What the hell.” He mumbled and climbed out of the cab with Deadpool after he payed the cabbie for their last trip.

“Pete, now that were best buddies, you’ll soon realize that there are many things wrong with me. Number one, incest jokes about a historical children’s series.” Pool shut the door to the cab and rounded the car before hopping up onto the sidewalk next to Peter.

“I already knew there was something wrong with you when you fucking tracked me down at work. It’s intuition.”

Deadpool made a weighing motion with his hands. “Intuition, love at first site-”

Peter rolled his eyes as they walked down the sidewalk. “Common sense?”

“You can’t tell me you  _ didn’t  _ get lil butterflies in your tumtums when you saw how big my tits were.”

Peter couldn’t hold it in this time. “Pffft—“ he pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head, laughing. “Can’t say I did either.”

The surrounding street was completely empty, a stark contrast to earlier when they were stuck in traffic. There was no one other than Peter and Pool on their side of the walk way and cars were scarce. It was a Tuesday, so everyone was probably at work. Despite the extreme lack of people, Peter felt like he was being watched and his Spidey-sense was going  _ crazy  _ all of a sudden. He tried to push the intense feeling down and instead focus on the conversation, but Pool had gone strangely quiet. It made Peter even more uneasy. Electricity pulsed through his nerves giving him goosebumps and every hair was on end.

Peter spoke quietly, and calmly. “...Pool—“

“Just keep walking.” Deadpool mumbled to him and slung an arm around his shoulder. He kept his eyes forward, but he seemed to be on high alert. “Just act normal.”

Now Peter was definitely freaking out. The shocking surges from his Spidey-sense were focused above him. Whatever was following them was above them, but when Peter looked up nothing was there.

“Don’t look around.” Deadpool mumbled and pulled Peter flush to his side. “Just keep your eyes forward.”

“Is someone following us?” Peter mumbled and looked for a close by awning that they could possibly duck under.

“No. Just watching.” Deadpool said. “I can’t tell from where though... Turn left down that alley up ahead.” He nodded towards an approaching wide gap between the buildings. 

“That seems like a horrible idea.” Peter hissed under his breath, just loud enough for Pool to hear.

“Well, its the only idea I have right now, and you don’t seem to have any either, so fucking hang a left!” Pool hissed back.

Peter’s Spider-sense kicked up the surges from “ _ Hey watch out _ ” to “ _ Oh fuck _ ”, telling him that this was a  _ horrible  _ idea. “We’re going to get cornered you ass—“

“I can handle it just fucking turn or I’ll push you!”

“Oh my fucking God.” Peter growled and reluctantly hung a left int the alleyway with Pool right next to him.

Peter’s nerves finally relaxed and the impending feeling of doom was gone in a second. Pool seemed to feel the same way because his posture relaxed.

Peter surveyed the area cautiously and thought to himself.  _...Maybe it was just because we were out in the open. It’s pretty common- _

Then his Spidey-sense came back tenfold, and Peter’s head shot up as everything began to move in slow motion. 

Above them, someone had jumped off the fire escape and was plummeting towards them with a large gun drawn. They did a tuck and roll landing and began rapid firing.

“ _Wade—!_ “ Peter yelled, and side stepped in front of Deadpool on instinct as soon as the first bullet left the chamber.

Peter wasn’t sure when Pool had pulled out his own guns, nor was he sure _where_ he pulled them from, but he was already firing as well. Pool quickly shoved Peter behind a dumpster and crowded him against the wall with his back, but the cover of the dumpster didn’t last long because the attacker was above them again in a second.

“ _Shit—_!” Deadpool panicked and covered Peter with his body.

**_ Bang bang _ **

Deadpool’s body lurched forward and he groaned. “...Fuck... I really liked this sweatshirt too.” Then in a second, Pool’s body slumped over. Dead weight. Two bullet holes in his back.

Peter caught him and stared at him for a second, his eyes wide with panic. Wade was out cold and his breathing was shallow. Pete knew he’d be fine, but it had been so long since Pool had _died_ in front of him, he wasn’t ready for it.

He set Deadpool to the side carefully, and his attention was quickly regained by the shooter.

From what Peter could tell, it was a taller woman with a strong build. She was somehow familiar, but she wore a military grade gas mask, so Peter couldn’t place her.

Peter glanced back over to Deadpool to make sure he was totally out of it before looking back to the woman.

She reloaded her gun quickly and aimed in at Peter then fired. He was barely able to dodge and the bullet nicked his shoulder as he dove out of the way. He breathed in a sharp breath through his teeth at the pain, but regained his composure quickly. Before the woman could re-aim and fire again, Peter threw off Pool’s coat, and without the added resistance, he was able to sprint towards her and kick off the wall, fist ready. He had the high ground advantage thanks to his wall jump, but the woman was just as fast as him. She easily ducked under his punch and grabbed his leg, throwing him to the ground.

Peter’s back met the concrete with a hard  **_ crack  _ ** and he yelped out in pain followed by a string of curses. The woman shot at him again, this time from point blank rang, but again he was able to roll out of the way just in time.

Breathing heavily and fueled by adrenaline, Peter in one swift movement, pushed himself back up to his feet and threw another punch. This time when the woman evaded his attack, he swept her legs causing her to hit the ground with the same painful sounding  **_ crack! _ **

“Karma bitch!” Peter hollered, and attempted to wrestle the gun out of her hand, causing the gun to go off a few more times. Peter almost got his head blow off in the process, she was surprisingly strong, but he managed to yank the gun out of her grasp and toss it away. Just when he’d thought he’d won the fight, a sharp pain shot through his leg and he broke away from the brawl to cover the apparent _stab wound_ in his calf. The woman had stabbed him with her free hand.

While he was distracted by the amount of blood he was loosing, the woman scrambled away towards the discarded gun. Peter grit his teeth against the pain and reached for a discarded tin garbage lid. He channeled his inner Cap and frisbeed the lid at the woman, catching her in the lower back making he fly against the opposing wall. The back of her head hit the wall and her mask flew off. Peter dragged himself over to where her discarded gun lay and with his good leg, kicked it with the strength he had left out into the street. A buss passed by just then and there was an unsatisfying **_crunch_** that followed.

Breathing heavily, Peter poked back towards the woman.  His eyes widened at the realization of who this woman was. She was the lady who had tried to mug him the other day. “What the hell?” He breathed and struggled to a standing position, incredibly lopsided.

The woman glared at him and fought to get to her feet. She stumbled around, she was dizzy from the hit, but she managed to run out of the alleyway. Peter went to pursue, but almost immediately fell back over. “Damn it!” he swore and winced at the pain in his leg as he sat down breathing deeply. In through his nose and out through his mouth.

A few feet away, Pool’s body began to twitch and Peter breathed a sigh of relief. He scooted closer and leaned back against the rough brick wall, eyes closed tight and face contorted in a permanent wince.

“Oh what the  _fuck—_ “ Pool coughed and Peter peaked an eye open. “God fucking damn that fucking bitch ass whore right in her fucking tight asshole catching me off guard what in the  _hell—_ “ He pulled himself into a sitting position and rubbed his back before leaning against the wall next to Peter. “...Who the hell did you piss off?” His voice was raspy.

Peter closed his eyes again and tried to relax to ease some of the pain. “...No clue.” 

Next to him, Peter heard Pool groan then go quiet again.

“...Did you call me Wade?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write because there’s what Wade knows, what Peter knows, and then there’s what I know (which is everything). I literally have two separate notes pages for what both of them know- all in all it’s a cluster fuck, but all will become clear soon! Hopefully. Some of you may have already figured out my end game plan, who knows.
> 
> Last edited 02/04/21


	5. That’s Depression Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has lost quite a bit of blood and says some very questionable things, and Wade realizes just how depressed Peter is and gives him a little bit of comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update so soon?? Don’t get used to it.  
> These past few chapters have been mainly plot, so here’s a lil treat. Angst, fluff, and humor all wrapped up in a nice little package for you.

“No.” Peter tried.

_ No, he definitely did. _

“He did!” Wade said. 

His back was cold from the bloody wound-winter air combination that was happening, but he ignored it. He peeled off his now ruined, blood stained, and bullet hole riddled sweat shirt and tossed it to the side. “You definitely said  _Wade_ ,  I never told you my name.”

“I didn’t call you Wade.” Peter groaned, his face twisted in pain.

“No no no, you can’t pull that shit this time. You said my name just as that bitch landed, and you stepped in front of me like you were gonna to take a bullet for me—“

** Hey, hate to interrupt whatever the hell this is, but he’s bleeding out. **

Wade stopped mid sentence and glanced down at Peter’s left leg, where indeed, there was a sizable three inch wound oozing blood all over the pavement.

“We’ll come back to this.” Wade grabbed his discarded sweatshirt and ripped off one of the sleeves to use as a temporary bandage. 

Peter started to sway side to side. “My ‘partment.” he slurred.

Wade tied the sleeve tightly around Peter’s leg and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Your apartment?”

Peter nodded and tried to stand. Wade put a firm hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. “I think maybe a hospital would be better?”

Peter looked at Wade like he was stupid. “They’re gonna think  _ you _ stabbed me. That’s more trouble than it’s worth.”

Wade paused. “...Alright, yeah. Your place sounds great.”

“It’s...” Peter blinked hard a few times and tried to stand again. “It’s not too far. From here. Few blocks.”

Wade helped him up and held him around his waist for support, which Peter didn’t like at all, and pushed off of Wade. Instead he tried using the wall as support.

Wade gave him a bored look. “Pete—“

“I got it.” 

Wade watched Peter slowly sink back to the ground. “...Really? Cause you’re on the floor again.”

“No I’m not-“ Peter looked down. “...Yes I am.”

“Okay. You’re obviously useless.” Wade grabbed his coat up from the ground and slide it on before he stooped down next to Peter. “So, I’m just—“ He gently wrapped an arm under Peter’s legs, despite his protest, and picked him up.

“Pu’ me down.” Peter pushed at Wade’s head. 

“Hey, quit— just tell me where to go. The sooner we get to your place the sooner you can get down.”

Peter just scowled and made himself dead weight.

“Pete, please just give me a general direction.” Wade walked back out onto the main sidewalk, much more alert this time. Peter pulled his head up and looked around, then after some more squinting and failed escape attempts, he mumbled some barely coherent directions to Wade and his head fell back.

Wade started to walk towards downtown Brooklyn. “You know on any regular day this would look,  _really weird_. ” 

“It still does. You just wanted to pick me up.” Peter glared at him with lidded eyes. Wade exhaled sharply out of his nose in amusement and shook his head. 

“No, I just didn’t want it to take us three hours to get to your place because you literally cannot walk.” He said. “However, can’t say I’m mad that my hand is very close to your ass.”

Peter weakly punched his chest. “God you’re a perv.”

“Petey-pie, it’s all jokes. I would never. Unless, of course, you  _ wanted  _ me to do anything then of course—“

“Never. No.” Peter hit him again weakly. “Never in a million years.”

Wade made a popping sound with his mouth then hummed. “Okay, okay, but if you  had  to choose between me and like Mole Man, who would you pick?”

Peter made a grossed out face. “If the only other man alive was Mole Man, then  maybe  I’d pick you. It’s still an if.”

“An  _if_?  Cupcake, you’re killing me, the Mole Man smells like a 2 star motel and is greasier than a fry station, and it’s still an  _if_!?”

Peter hummed and wrinkled his nose. “...Alright, fine I would pick you. You have nicer muscles.”

Wade grinned broadly. “You  _ do  _ like my tits!”

Peter cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “That is very much not what I said.”

“But it’s what you meant. I know it in my heart.”

Peter shrugged. “I guess. They’re nice.”

“That’s the spirit.”

_ Is there anyone following us still? _

** No. We’re good. I think it was just the one chick. Whoever hired her probably thought it was going to be an easy job. **

_ I can’t believe we got shot. Twice! _

** We were more focused on that fact that our pet twink knows our name. **

_ And then he tried to take a bullet for us! Very romantic. _

** I’ve said it from the start, this guy is sus as hell. **

_ Wait, I have an idea. Ask him questions while he’s all loopy! _

Wade made a face and mumbled. “Isn’t that kinda like... Taking advantage of him?”

**Yes**.

_ Don’t listen to him. It’s nothing like that, we’re just trying to get some answers! _

Wade debated the idea. “...Pete, how did you and Spidey meet?”

“What-? Oh.” Peter let out a heavy sigh and buzzed his lips. “Uuuuh, I saw him while he was on patrol and asked to take his picture.”

Wade nodded and while he was thinking of another question Peter groaned annoyed and tugged on his hair.

“Spider-man, Spider-man, Spider-man. _Listen_ ,” Peter continued, “I know you said not to talk bad about Spider-man anymore, but I’m gonna. Don’t drop me.” He covered his face like he was ashamed.

Wade made a face.  _ I might drop him.  _ He thought.

** Just listen to him for a second. **

_ THEN drop him. _

** Don’t drop him. **

“Peter—“

“I’m not saying this to be mean, I’m saying this because I know you idolize him. You shouldn’t.” He breathed. “Cause like, yer a nice guy under all that murder and sarcasm. You should stalk like... Cap. He’s great.” Peter trailed off. “He’s got a nice butt.”

Wade laughed awkwardly. “...Ha ha what—?“

Peter rubbed his eyes. “This is all dramatic irony— just listen. On the surface, he seems like a great guy, but he’s not. He’s selfish and a coward. He freakin’ disappeared for three years- he didn’t tell anyone! And now the city has gone to shit and people are dying all the time-“ Peter threw his arms out in frustration. “Even before all this he was an ass wasn’t he? He wasn’t even that nice to you was he? Now that I think about it there’s a lot of stuff that he said that was probably really hurtful to you— you deserve better than that. You’ve wasted two years looking for this stupid guy. I think Spider-man did more harm than good- there’s hundreds of news paper articles about it. Mr. Jameson was right—!“ Peter rambled on and Wade just watched him  _baffled_.

_...What is happening? _

** Is he... Like defending us? **

_ I can’t decide whether or not I’m touched or pissed. So I’m settling for confused as fuck. _

“— _God_ , I _hate_ myself.” Peter dragged his hands down his face and groaned. “I’m the _worst_! Right??”

”Uh,” Wade raised an eyebrow and sweat, “You really did loose a lot of blood, huh?”

Peter stopped and squinted at Wade. “I was  _stabbed_. ”

“Yes, I am acutely aware of that fact.” He huffed.

_ Is he dying?? _

** He’s not... Is he? **

“No!” Wade interjected.

“Yes.” Peter needlessly argued.

“Not you.”

“I’m sorry.” Peter apologized and started to babble on again. Wade grimaced under his mask and zoned out while he tried to think of a game plan on how to protect Peter from whoever the hell was trying to kill him.

** Check his place for bugs when we get there. **

_ Yes. And be very thorough. Any planted mics will probably be focused in his room, so we’ll need to spend an ample amount of time in there. He should probably be present when we do so as well—_

** Yellow, please, shut the fuck up. **

_ I’m helping. _

Wade heaved a sigh of relief when he could finally see Peter’s apartment complex. “Oh thank fuck.”

The complex was definitely on the sketchier side of the city. The street over Wade could hear police sirens blaring while a group of people yelled at each other. Wade realized just how close the railway was when the ground shook and a train sped by over head. He’d also noticed the further they’d travelled the more sour the air grew. It wasn’t unbearable, but something had definitely died close by. That might explain why the police were there. Above, the sun was setting, but instead of the sky turning warm beautifully blended colors, it was just gray and smoky, crowded with power lines and tall buildings. Peter did  _ not _ seem like the type of person to live on this side of town.

“Oh good we’re here.” Peter snapped out of his trance and pushed at Wade’s chest as a cue to put him down, which Wade did. He put Peter down at the door and helped him inside, this time Peter didn’t try to fight him off. The inside of the building was much quieter, thankfully, and Wade allowed himself to decompress a little while Peter leaned against the wall and dug around in his pockets for his keys.

“Oh.” Peter snapped his fingers and turned to Wade, his face was getting pale Wade noticed. 

Peter winced and pushed himself off of the wall and onto Wade, using his chest as support while he sifted through the other’s coat pockets.

_Woah_.  Wade was caught off guard. “Hey there lover boy, gettin’ a little handsy there.”

“Do you _want_ me to fall over?” He pulled out his keys and pressed the door button on the elevator. “You’ll have to carry me again.”

“I _enjoyed_ it. You were the one being a bitch about it the whole way here.”

Peter just shrugged and the doors slide open with an unpleasant metal against metal scrapping sound. Wade furrowed his brow.

“...Should we take the stairs?”

Peter waved him off and grabbed the railing inside the elevator then drug himself inside. “It’s perfectly fine, just get in.”

Wade looked from the dingy lit elevator then back at Peter. Before Wade could do anything Peter rolled his eyes and grabbed the front of Wade’s suit, tugging him inside.

The doors slide shut with the same horrible sound and the elevator lurched upward with another _very_ concerning sound. Peter didn’t seem too worried that they could  die  at any moment.

As soon as the doors cracked open, Wade piled out, pulling Peter with him.

“That’s literally a death trap.” Wade commented and helped Peter find his footing. Again Peter shrugged and started down the hall, a hand on the wall.

“It’s fine. You can’t die anyways, right?”

“I mean, no. I’ve walked away from much worse things than an elevator falling, but you on the other hand, can die very easily apparently.”

Peter raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips, intrigued. “Noted.”

“Calm down there, Hannah Baker.” 

After fumbling with his keys and the door knob for almost a solid minute, Peter finally managed to stumble inside his apartment with Wade right behind him.

“Woah.” Wade’s eyes shot wide when he saw the state of Peter’s place. “Woooooah.”

_ Oh, I see. He’s  ✨ depressed ✨ _

The layout was pretty standard. A shared kitchen living room space, one bathroom, and a small bedroom. All of which could be seen from the entrance. Now imagine that, but piles of clutter stacked almost to the ceiling. Dirty and clean laundry, empty boxes, dirty dishes, the whole shabang. 

** Are those spiders? **

_ Uuuuh, yes. Yes, they are. A lot of them. _

In every corner of the room, there were  sizable spider webs.

Wade shook his head and turned his attention back to Peter. “Anyways, lets deal with your leg. You should take a shower, clean up some of the blood.” He crouched down closer to Peter, who was again on the floor. 

Peter didn’t object, instead he just nodded and tried to wrestle himself out of his clothes. After a few minutes of weakly struggling to wiggle himself out of a jacket and sweater, he let out a defeated sigh and slumped back against the wall.

Wade hesitated. “...You want some help?”

“.....Yeah.” Peter mumbled and pouted.

Wade restrained from cracking a joke, helped Peter slip off his jacket and tugged his sweater off over his head. With Peter’s head now on his shoulder, Wade could hear Peter’s quiet and almost labored breathing clearly.

There was a milli second of hesitation before Wade tried to take off Peter’s long sleeve shirt.

When he did, Peter sucked in a sharp breath and his hands shot out to stop Wade’s.

“Wait- stop - I can do it now.” Peter sounded panicked and Wade recoiled his hands quickly.

“Sorry, sorry!” He raised his hands.

Peter pulled the sleeves of his shirt down over his palms. “I-It’s fine.” He willed himself to his feet and staggered to the bathroom. “...Don’t touch anything.” And he closed the door.

Wade rubbed his shoulder, where Peter’s head had been and stared at the door.

_...We have a situation. If you catch my drift! _

** I do- **

_ Dick! Dick hard. _

Wade groaned and stood up.

_ What’s it like being so touched starved that every time someone touches you get a hard on? _

“You would know skid mark!” Wade grumbled and crossed his arms. He looked around the room, maybe for somewhere to sit and wait, but there was literally no clean surface. On the couch there was a small gap in between the massive piles of laundry that Peter probably sat in when he watched TV, but that was about it. 

“Sweet mother Mary, maybe I should _clean_ while I check for bugs.”

Wade begrudgingly moved some of the laundry off the couch so he could sit. “The tech kind, not actual bugs.”

** There’s probably plenty of those. **

Wade glanced at the coffee table in front of the couch and hummed. The table resembled the walls of Peter’s cubicle at the Bugle. It was covered in photos of villain caused disasters, and off the the left of the TV there was a mountain of old news papers. Wade poked through them curiously.

“He’s _really_ obsessed with tragedy.” He noted and carefully pulled out one of the papers from the bottom of the stack. It looked like it had been crumpled up and straightened back out quite a few times, so many times that the ink was wearing away. 

“These date back until New Years three years ago...”

_ He’s into some weird shit.  _

Wade skimmed through the paper. It was detailing the second Green Goblin attack. It mentioned Oscorp a few times as well as the Osborns themselves, but the article title stood out the most.

“Two Osborn’s at the Hands of One Spider”

** Oh, that’s rough. **

Wade frowned slightly and stared at the paper with half lidded eyes. After a moment, he folded the paper back and returned it to the pile.

“Huh.” Was all he said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ I called him Wade!  _ Peter scolded himself as he rolled himself into the tub and turned on the shower.  _ How stupid am I?? I mean it was in the heat of the moment, but that’s not something I can just explain away! I guess I could just tell him that Spider-man told me, but I can’t use that excuse for everything- _

The water hit his legs and he sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Ow—! Fuck!” He shielded the cut from the falling water and hissed.

_ Also, someone is trying to kill me.  _ He stared at his feet.  _ Which means... Someone knows my identity. _

He sat there listening to the water fall and make a static like sound while his eyes glazed over.

_ Someone knows my identity. Holy shit- Wait why would they wait three years to finally try and get rid of me? Is it because Pool showed up? Maybe they were trying to kill him and I was just a bystander-? No, they probably know about his healing factor. Who knows my identity?  _ His head was swimming. 

_ I was so careful with my identity. Only two people know that I’m Spider-man and that’s not really even my fault. Matt and Bruce.  _

His eyes widened in horror.  _ Would one of them rat on me to the villains—? No of course not. At least I know Bruce wouldn’t.  _ He began rubbing at his injury subconsciously.  _ But maybe Matt said something to the wrong person? Should I try to contact him...? It’s been a really long time... _

_ The only person I’ve ever unmasked myself to was Harry... and for obvious reasons it can’t be him...  _ He buried his head in his hands. The hot water felt good on his back.

 _ I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? And I can’t keep misleading Pool and try to figure all of this out at the same time. Is aunt May safe? What about MJ?  _ He closed his eyes and rolled his head back, allowing the water to run down his face.  _...I’m tired_.

Peter sat there, reveling in the feeling of the warm water rushing over his body like a comforting hug. The white noise from the shower helped him relax some and he could feel his cut ever so slowly begin to heal itself. he’d probably limp for the next few days, but his leg would be good as new, with a possible scar. He’d just add it to the list.

He started again.  _...What if he does find out I’m Spider-man? Will he be mad at me...? He thinks I left for a really good reason... But in reality... I just left because I was scared...  _ He chuckled somberly.  _ A pretty piss pour reason to abandon the city. I was scared to loose someone else who was close to me, and now people are dying anyways. _Peter frowned and knitted his brows together.  _ Would he be disappointed to find out it was me.....? Why do I care—_

**_ Knock Knock _ **

Peter’s eyes flew open and he jumped in alarm.

“Are you alive in there?” Pool called from the other side of the door. “It’s been like an hour, please be alive. It’ll look really bad on me if I report a naked dead body.”

Peter blinked.  _ An hour? It feels like I just got here- _

“I’m alright... Lemme wrap it up, I’ll be out in a second.” He called back.

“Alright.” And Peter heard the thump of Wade’s heavy boots leave the bathroom door.

Peter reached for a wash cloth and some soap. He squeezed out a generous amount onto the cloth and began scrubbing at his leg.

_ I just wanna take a nap.  _ Peter sighed and finished his shower.

When Peter finally left the bathroom he limped to his room, he could feel the cut open and close with every step.

With the door shut, he tossed the clothes to the side and sifted through a different pile of laundry. He salvaged a pair of shorts and an old graphic T-shirt with the Hulk on it. Once he was dressed, he decided “ _No more walking_ ”  crawled out of his room to the living room.

When he came out Wade was standing in probably the only clean part of the entire apartment, the center of the walk way.

“After I fix your leg, can we please, for the love of god, clean up your place? It looks worse than my Jersey safe house and that place is  _rough_. ” He said, his brows raised and his eyes squinted in mild disgust.

Peter just laid down on the floor. “Knock yourself out. I’ve been trying to clean for the past year, and you can see how far I’ve gotten.”

Wade stepped closer and stood over Peter’s head. “ Well, I’m not depressed and have motivation, so I’m sure I’ll have more success.”

“What?” Peter wrinkled his nose and Wade shook his head. 

“Never mind, surprisingly I found a first-aid kit in this horders heaven, so let’s get your leg fixed up.” Wade easily plucked Peter up off the floor and moved him to the couch. Peter sank back into the cushion and let his eyes fall shut.

“The Incredible Hulk?” Wade questioned and sat across from Peter on the coffee table.

Peter tugged at his shirt and shrugged. “He’s my favorite.”

Wade pulled Peter’s leg up onto his lap and opened the first aid kit. “Weird. I thought you would have been an Iron-Stan.”

“Yeah, then I started working with him.”

Wade laughed and poured alcohol on a cotton pad. “This is going to sting.”

Peter nodded. Wade gently swabbed Peter’s cut and Peter didn’t flinch. Wade hummed thoughtfully and dug through the kit once again, pulling out a stitch kit.

“Have you had to use this before?” He held up the kit. Peter cracked open an eye then closed it back.

“Yeah, a few times.”

“You get in a lot of fights or something?”

“Used to.”

“A skinny lil’ thing like you?”

“I used to be ripped.” Peter joked. “I’ve let myself go.”

“I’d  _ love _ to see that.” Wade said in a low voice and Peter laughed. There was a comfortable pause in the conversation while Wade worked on Peter’s leg. Despite the aching sensation emanating from his leg, Peter almost fell asleep.

“All done!” Wade chimed and Peter opened his eyes to find his leg was neatly bandaged. 

“Thanks.” Peter quirked a smile.

“No problem gorgeous. Now can we  please clean this place up a little? I wanna make sure no one’s planted anything in here.” Wade pleaded.

Peter looked around the apartment and he could already feel himself getting overwhelmed by the massive mess. “There’s so much shit, “ He said, “Can’t you just... Board up the windows or something?”  _ And he might find my suit...  _ Peter worried.  _ I should... Get him to leave. _

“And it’s getting kinda late shouldn’t you-“

“Petey, someone is trying to kill you. I don’t know if you caught onto that when you got fucking stabbed, but its true!” His tone dripped with sarcasm. “If I wasn’t leaving you before I sure as shit ain’t leaving now.” Wade said.

“Don’t you have anything else to do? Like a job or something?” Peter tried and he could almost hear Wade roll his eyes.

“Don’t even. I’m not going anywhere.”

Peter grimaced and sighed. “Alright, fine. I guess you’re staying the night then.

“Thank you for the invitation! So what’ll it be first? Baking cookies or should we skip right to spin the bottle?”

“Sleeping,” Peter mumbled. “We should skip to the sleeping part.”

“Right into the cuddles? But Petey-pie you’re not wearing socks! That’s alright I don’t mind. How big is your bed? Hopefully a twin size.”

Peter looked at Wade blankly and with the last bit of energy he had for the day, shoved the rest of the laundry on the couch into the floor, clearing off the couch.

“Wow, look at that. Somewhere for you to sleep.” Peter said.

“Aw, come on don’t be like that!” Wade whined and switched from sitting on the table to the couch next to Peter. “I’m kidding. I probably won’t sleep tonight anyways.”

“How are you not exhausted?”

“Well, I didn’t loose half of my body weight in blood,” Wade poked, “And I need to protect that fine ass of yours, so by the will of god, I’ll stay awake. I do it all the time when I’m on jobs.”

Peter folded his arms and stared at the pile of newspapers he kept next the the TV. “...How’s that going for you? Mercenary work.”

“Like I told you a couple of chapters ago, I have my days, but I don’t take as many hit jobs as I used to. Webs made me want to do better, and I still do! It’s just harder. Now I do more escort work.” Wade paused and Peter pursed his lips. “Not the kind your thinking of.”

Peter finally processed it. “...I wasn’t thinking of that!”

“Well, apparently you were.” Wade smiled coyly

Peter rolled his eyes. “Whatever, so you’re not killing people?”

Wade put up his hands. “Again, I have my days, but compared to how it used to be, it’s better. Couldn’t just throw away all of the progress I’d made with Spidey.”

Peter felt the ends of his mouth curl up into a small smile. “...That’s great.”

“See, he did something right.” Wade said softly.

Peter snapped his gaze over to Wade and he felt his ears turn red. “I... Guess.” He cleared his throat and began picking at his nails. “Uh- anyways. Do you only do escort jobs?”

“Well, for a shiny penny I’ll take people to the back and show them a good time-“ Wade joked and Peter kicked him with his good leg. Wade snickered and spread his arms along the back of the couch. 

“I do some odd jobs here and there. Lately S.H.I.E.L.D. Has had a little crush on me because Fury has been paying me off to do his dirty work, but recently he’s given me a break.”

They talked like that for the next hour or so, comfortably and casually. It was nice, Peter couldn’t remember the last time he sat down with someone like this and just talked. Of course, it wasn’t usually a mutated mercenary that he was talking with, and he had all of his blood most of the time, but it was nice none the less. 

A few times while they were talking, Wade would make a sexual joke, and Peter would just roll his eyes and punch him half heartedly. This only encouraged the merc further. What made Peter react the most though, were avenger jokes. Wade kept cracking quips until he had Peter wheezing with laughter; on his back, knees to his chest, face red.

“Well damn darlin’ if I’d known you like jokes at the expense of the Avengers I would had prepared a set up for you! I’ve got a million jokes about Tony. You’d be pissing your pants right now.”

Peter rubbed his eyes, still smiling. “I think I just did.” he yawned and rested his arm over his watering eyes. 

_When’s the last time I laughed like that?_ Peter wondered. _Probably when Harry was alive... He probably told the joke._

Peter realized and was laying against Pool’s thigh, but to be honest he didn’t really care, or more he didn’t know if he could sit up. Besides, Wade didn’t seem to notice or care either, because he just kept talking about whatever. Peter let out a long slow breath and eased the tension out of his body, he felt drunk. Probably from the blood lose? No, that wasn’t really affecting him anymore. His healing factor may have been weak, but it still worked. Maybe because he was tired...

“Mmmm, one time I stole a jet from Tony. Or more borrowed. I did return it. It was in two separate pieces, but you know what he’s in the one percent so fucking he could buy another one. I was not concerned. I wonder if he still remembers that?” Wade crossed his legs and leaned his head back on the couch as he spoke. Peter listened to his mindless babble, content for the first time in a long time.

“...” He hummed and sleep finally took hold of him.

“...I missed you.” He whispered as quietly as possible, and he was out. 

It was the best night’s sleep he’d had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s better than this? Just two dudes being guys.  
> Anyways, I love reading all of your comments, it really helps motivate me to write more! See y’all next chapter!
> 
> Last edited 02/04/21


	6. Shits About To Get Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s sad, then funny, then Peter has a breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this chapter contain some Tony/Bruce? Yes because I am starved for Tony/Bruce content.

_ Peter willed himself to run faster. He could hear his blood pumping in his ears as he sprinted towards an enormous fallen pile of rubble. He began slinging sheets of cement and support beams out of the way. With the rubble came heavy dust clouds and shards of glass that made him wince and cough, but ignored them as he frantically searched for any sign of life. _

_ After what felt like hours, bleeding and bruised, Peter finally found Harry through the settling dust. For the most part he’d returned to normal, but patches of his skin and some of his veins still glowed with that sickening neon green glow produced by the serum. _

_ Harry laid on his back and as Peter stumbled towards him, he noticed the long iron rod jutting out of Harry’s stomach. Harry’s hands were covered in his own blood from where he had presumably tried to remove the rod himself, but he’d given up. He just laid there, his chest heaving up and down with staggering breaths while blood coated the ground and soaked deeper into his Goblin Suit. _

_ Peter practically threw himself down at Harry’s side, his hands hovering over the wounded area while he tried to think of some way to help, but it quickly dawned on him that there was nothing he could do. Removing the rod would definitely cause him more pain and make him bleed out faster. _

_ With trembling hands, Peter ripped off his now ruined mask, his shoulders shook with every labored breath he took. He tugged at his hair and his eyes darted around the scene for something, anything, that would help. _

_ “Pete...” Harry rasped, and Peter snapped his attention to his face. Tears pricked at Peter’s eyes as he pulled Harry’s head into his lap.  _

_ “H-Harry, I’m so sorry— I didn’t mean for you to end up like this, o-or your dad— Harry I’m sorry— This is all my fault—“ His voice cracked and broke over his words. _

_ Harry lifted a weak bloodied hand up to Pete’s beat up face and gently cupped his cheek, his hands were ice cold when usually he was warm to the touch. _

_ “Pete...” Harry said again, blinking slower and slower. “Why didn’t you tell me... You’re Spider-man.” _

_ Peter couldn’t hold it in anymore. Tears started spilling out of his eyes and fell onto Harry’s cheeks, which were loosing their pinkish tint. _

_ “I-I couldn’t tell you. You would have been in so much danger, but look were that got you anyways—“ He cried. _

_ Harry just chuckled and Peter gripped his hand tightly. Maybe Peter could cling to life for Harry. _

_ “Parker, I talked shit about you... To you without even knowing-“ He coughed and blood spewed from his mouth. With his other hand Peter stroked Harry’s hair gently. He wished more than anything that he wasn’t wearing gloves right now. _

_ “That’s... A different level of irony...” His voice faded at the end of every statement. _

_ “Harry I’m so sorry—“ Pete sobbed, “About your dad, about not telling you about him, I didn’t want to drive you to do this—“ _

_ Harry winced. “No... No, Pete... You didn’t cause this... You didn’t drive me to do anything. S’not your fault.” Harry closed his eyes as tears weld up in them. He hated it when Peter saw him cry, he was supposed to be the cool, calm, and confident friend, so instead he tried to laugh it off. _

_ But the laughing only brought pain. Harry winced and groaned at the sharp stabbing feeling in his stomach. He ached all over and his vision was starting to get fuzzy. _

_ “...Pete, I’m scared. Pete... Don’t leave. Please.” He whispered, his breathing becoming more shallow. _

_ Peter pulled him closer and held him tighter as choked sobs escaped his throat. “I’m here.” _

_ “Pete,” Harry’s muscles tightened, Peter felt. “There’s... So much I wanna tell you- you can’t—“ He choked on a cough, “You can’t blame yourself for this. This...“ He couldn’t quite get all the words together. _

_ “This is my fault though.” Peter said, furious with himself. “If I had just told you the truth— if I had just been faster— I could have saved your dad and you wouldn’t have done this-“ _

_ “Peter, stop...” Harry cracked his eyes open, and he looked into Peter’s eyes with a worried look. He slowly reached his other hand up the the other side of Peter’s face a wiped away the tears. Peter stopped apologizing for a moment, and Harry willed himself to smile. Despite his grim situation, he managed to crack his million dollar smug smile that Peter was so fond of. _

_ There wasn’t enough time to say everything he wanted to say, so he settled for something he should have said ages ago. _

_ “...Hey.” He whispered, eyes locked with Peter’s “...I love you.” _

_ Peter froze. “Harry don’t—“ _

_ Harry went limp, his hands fell away from Peter’s face and onto the ground  _

_ The words died in Peter’s throat and rage overtook him. A new wave of tears came crashing in. He gripped Harry’s suit with shaking fist before laying his head on Harry’s chest and screaming in complete agony. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter jolted awake with a yelp. He sat up and his eyes darted around the room frantically, his chest heaving up and down.

_ I’m in my room _ _._ He noted and fell back on the bed with a hand on his forehead.  _ When did I go to bed? _ He wiped the sweat off his face and ran his hands through his hair.

He laid there, staring at the water stained ceiling, then his eyes landed on the tile that his hero suit hid behind.

_ It’s been a while since...  _ He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “...Since, I dreamed about that night.” He finished aloud.

He laid there for another ten minutes or so, not really thinking about anything, just sulking. A great way to start the day.

He finally got out of bed and stretched. 

His leg ached like a mother fucker. It hurt more than the day before somehow. Peter leaned his weight on his good leg, let out an annoyed sigh, and limped out of his room.

Oddly, everything seemed... Brighter. The entire apartment felt better, actually. Peter walked down the short hallway and his brow shot up.

Upon further inspection, all of the dirty dishes were gone along with some of the boxes. Peter poked his head in the kitchen and discovered the sink was empty for the first time in months. Peter blinked, shocked, and hobbled into the living room.

The clutter in front of the windows was gone (not really gone just moved), and light poured in through them. The apartment wasn’t clean, by any means, but now it felt... Manageable. It didn’t feel suffocating.

Peter walked further into the living room and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw a maskless Deadpool sprawled out asleep on the couch. Immediately, Peter averted his gaze, like he’d seen something e shouldn’’t have. He shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously, causing the floorboards to creak and moan, effectively waking up Wade with a jolt.

“ _Shit_ -“ He looked around for his mask and picked it up off the floor next to the couch before slipping it back on. “Shit. Fuck.”

“Uh,” Peter cleared his throat, and thought it best not to mention the mask. “Morning.” He said instead.

“Morning.” Wade mumbled as he scratched the back of his head. His voice was still heavy with sleep, making it lower and raspier.

Peter rubbed his arm awkwardly and finally looked up from the floor when he was sure Wade had his mask back on.

“Um... You cleaned?” He gestured to the kitchen.

Wade groaned as he stretched his back. “Yeah, just a little. I was hella bored while waiting for someone to sneak in through your window to try and kill you, so I did some spring cleaning. Or more, three year-winter cleaning. Also, you are out of dish soap. May or may not have used body wash to clean the last few plates, so if you taste some pomegranate women’s body wash in your ramen, don’t mind it.” Wade looked at Peter with a knowing look. “And I am  also a fan of women’s soap. I kinda took you for a three in one guy. I was pleasantly surprised.”

Peter curled his lip and wrinkled his nose. “Ew, no. How dare you.”

Peter wondered back over into the kitchen and dug through the cabinets. He pulled out a coffee canister and started scooping out spoon fulls into a filter.

“Speaking of pleasant surprises,” Wade started again, “I didn’t find any bugs. Though there are plenty of Spiders. I thought about vacuuming them up, but you don’t own a vacuum for some reason. Do you sweep your carpet or something?”

“Don’t mind them, and spiders aren’t bugs.” Peter commented. “They’re arachnids.”

Peter then remembered, “Hey— you— did you check my room?” He tried not to let his nerves show.

Wade blinked then shook his head. “Ah, no. I took your sweet ass to bed- something I wish I could say under different circumstances, but all I did was carry you to your bed. I didn’t want to wake you up so I just left everything in there alone.”

Peter imagined Wade picking him up off of the couch and carrying him to his bed then tucking him in. It made his chest feel warm.

He shook his head abruptly and poured some water in to the coffee maker.

“Now that you’re awake I can check, just to be safe-“

A shiver shot down Peter’s spine making him almost drop the mug he was holding, and from his room he could hear his alarm go off. 

One of the downsides of having a sixth sense was that it often woke him up before his alarm, defeating the purpose of the alarm.

“What’s that for?” Wade asked.

Peter groaned and dragged his hands down his face. “My alarm to get up for my internship.”

Wade gasped excitedly and the eyes of his mask twinkled with delight. “Am I gonna get to see papa Stark again—? You know, actually, maybe I shouldn’t be excited about this.”

Peter didn’t even try to argue that Wade couldn’t come. Peter was finally realizing he was stuck with Wade for a while, and didn’t want to waste the energy. It also distracted him from checking Pete’s room.

While Peter got dressed,being careful of his leg as he went, he wondered to himself if he was... Getting too attached too quickly. He hadn’t even spent the entirety of the past two days with Pool, and Peter already felt that familiar fondness from years ago starting to take root again.

Before Peter’s life had gone off the rails and he was still Spider-man, he and Wade teamed up a lot. With as often as they used to see each other, it wouldn’t be a stretch to call them friends even though Peter never said it out loud.  He remembered them fighting for their lives all night and then wrapping it up with tacos on the rooftops. Peter hadn’t realized how much he had missed Wade until just last night when they were talking like nothing had changed.  Peter couldn’t deny that he missed the feeling of having someone other than his aunt and MJ _care_ about him.

But he didn’t want to get reattached. 

No, that was a lie, he desperately wanted someone to be close to again, Peter was insanely lonely, but he didn’t want to give himself the luxury of being dependent on someone else, let alone Deadpool. 

But he didn’t have to worry, Peter reassured himself. He’d end this soon. He still planned to set Wade on his own wild goose chase, but maybe after they found the bastard that  _ really  _ killed Harry.

Peter slipped on his shoes and paused before leaving the room. He weighed something in his head, then hopped up on his bed, moved the ceiling tile and retrieved his web-shooters. He secured them on his wrist without looking at them too long, and pulled the sleeves of his flannel down over them.

They were much looser than they used to be, but they still fit.

He hobbled back to the kitchen, working around Wade as he made his coffee.

“Soooo, how’d you manage to get this internship?” Wade leaned back on the counter and crossed his ankles daintily.

Peter hummed as he poured creamer into his travel mug. “Kind of a lottery situation. In college, everyone in my senior engineering class was put on a list and three people got selected randomly to intern with either Stark, Oscorp, or S.H.I.E.L.D. I got picked and chose the Stark internship.”

Wade watched as Peter got his things together. 

“You didn’t choose Oscorp?” 

“I considered it,” Peter grabbed his keys, “But... I didn’t really want anything to do with it. Are you ready to go?”

“Not really bringing anything with me, so yes dear.” Wade chimed and Peter rolled his eyes.

Together, they left Peter’s apartment. Wade offered to carry Peter down the stairs because, “There’s no way on God’s green Earth that I’m taking the metal box of death down again.”

Peter waved him off. He just hopped up on the stairs railing and slid down with Pool following close behind.

“I guess I won’t be carrying you anymore.” Wade said sadly as they left the building.

“No, I’m not a damsel in distress.”

“Not anymore. Yesterday,  _definitely_. ” Wade poked Peter’s arm. “You were all over me.”

Peter swat away Wade’s hand and grumbled to himself making Pool chuckle.

“Anyways, now that you’re not bleeding out-“

_ Oh shit,  _ Peter thought and he gripped the strap of his bag tighter.  _ Oh shit he’s going to ask me about how I knew his name. Can’t use the Spider-man excuse- _

“Do you have any clue who’s trying to kill you?”

_ Oh,  _ Peter blinked,  _ That too. _

“No.”

“Really? Nothing? Did you upset somebody by taking a side profile picture them or something? I’d be pretty pissed about that.”

“Not that I can recall?”

“Do you think this is tied in with the GG shit?”

Peter didn’t doubt that it did, and he didn’t see a problem with sharing this with Wade. “Yeah... I think...” He thought out loud and stopped at the bus station. “I think it could be whoever messed with Harry’s meds. They may know that we’re looking into it, but I don’t know how anyone would know that we-“

Peter’s phone rang and his heart sank, and he suddenly remembered he forgot to do something very important. Only, two people ever called him at this time of day, and one of them was in Europe.

Peter prayed to a god he didn’t believe in for the ringing to stop.

“You gonna get that?” Wade looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Peter reluctantly pulled out his phone and stared at the caller ID.

Aunt May.

Wade looked from the phone to Peter with confusion, and Peter picked up the phone.

“May—“

_ “Peter Benjamin Parker.” _

Peter knew he’d fucked up.

“Not the full name.” Wade breathed and Peter swat him away.

“Aunt May—“

_ “I asked you to do one thing. A simple thing. I could have gotten a toddler to do the thing that I asked you to do, Peter. Do you know what that thing was?”  _ May’s Voice was eerily calm.

Peter swallowed and his hands sweat. “To... To text you.”

_ “Yes, Peter. It was to text me. And what did you not do?” _

“I, uh...” He stuttered and prayed the bus would arrive. “I didn’t text you— aunt May I’m really sorry I forgot—“

_ “You do a lot of that. Also, complaint number two, you didn’t pick up your phone yesterday evening, and I know for a fact that you are free on Tuesdays, so I’d also like your excuse for that.” _

Peter pulled his phone away from his face and looked through his call history and his heart skipped a beat when he saw that May had called him  three  different times. Peter thought back to yesterday when he was bleeding out on the pavement. He definitely couldn’t tell May about that.

“I uh,” He searched for an excuse and he made eye contact with Deadpool, who was still just staring at him. “A friend. I was out with a friend.”

_ “MJ?”  _ She sounded doubtful.

“No, um, new friend.” 

May was quiet on the other end for a moment.  _ “...You made a new friend? Peter, you don’t have to lie. If you honestly don’t want to tell me what you were up to-“ _

Wade slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle the abrupt laughter that was trying to come out and Peter glared at him.

“May I’m serious.”

_ “Peter you haven’t made friends since the second grade.“ _

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut.

“Freaking- you wanna talk to him? Cause he’s right here. I’ll put him on if you’ll quit bullying me.”

“Babe, I’m not ready to meet your parents.” Wade cracked and Peter raised his eyebrows at him.

_ “Is this one of those situations where you tell me one thing so I’ll think another? Reverse psychology?”  _

Peter’s face blanked and he handed the phone off to Wade.

“Pete, I literally do not want to talk to your aunt—“

Peter shook his head. “Well, that’s too damn bad.”

Wade scratched the back of his neck and lifted the phone up to his ear. “...Um, hello, this is Peter’s imaginary friend.”

_ “Oh,”  _ Peter could hear the genuine surprise in his aunts voice and he crossed his arms with a huff.

_ “Oh, you’re real!” _

“No, completely imaginary, like I said.”

The bus pulled up to the stop in front of them and Peter clambered on board with Wade.

_ “This isn’t a stranger Pete flagged down and asked to pretend to be his friend right? I know he takes lying to the next level, but...” _

“You’re telling me.” Wade said.

Peter used his bus pass and sat in the first free seat he saw. Wade didn’t bother with a pass or reach to grab any cash out of his belt, and the driver seemed perfectly fine with letting the guy with guns strapped to his thighs just have a free ride. Peter gave Wade a scolding look and Wade ignored him.

“But no,” Wade sat next to Peter, shifting around awkwardly in the seat because his weapons sat awkwardly against it. “I’m not some hobo he slipped a five to.”

_ “Oh that’s so great! I worry about him getting lonely over there. What’s your name? How did you two meet?” _

“I’mmmmm...” 

Peter looked at Wade and wondered if he would actually tell May his name. Wade made eye contact with Peter and din’t break it as he spoke.

“Wade. My name is Wade. I met Pete at the Bugle.”

_ “Really? Do you work there?” _

“Ah, no. I’m just a fan of his... Photography?” Wade pulled the phone away from his face and whispered to Peter. “Can you please take the phone back, I’m dying here.”

Peter smirked and crossed his arms as he leaned back in his seat. “Nooo, I’m enjoying this. This will help your improv.”

“My-improv-is-flawless-“ Wade snapped quickly and brought the phone back to his ear. “Yeah, I’m a fan.”

_ “Oh, this is so nice! I’m so glad Peter’s made a friend- he’s the shy type, but I’m sure you know about that.”  _ She rambled excitedly and Peter shook his head.

_ “Wade, I’d love to meet you it’s been so log since Peter has brought anyone over. You should join us for dinner Friday night! I know it’s sudden, but the more the merrier.” _

Wade looked at Peter and smiled slyly. Peter shook his head aggressively making a cutting gesture at his throat as to say “Cut it out.”

“...May was it? I’d love to.”

“Wade.“ Peter’s tone was warning.

“Peter is very excited.” Wade gave him a thumbs up.

_ “Wonderful! Do you like pot roast?” _

“No!” Peter whisper shouted.

Wade’s shit eating grin just grew wider. “I do! It’s my  favorite thing in the world actually, so I will definitely be there. Both of us will. Together. Actually, do you want me to bring anything? Rolls? Salad? Cheese platter? You name it, I will get it.” 

“No you will not! You’re not coming over-“ Peter tried to grab his phone back, but now Wade was trying to keep it away from him rather than hand it off to him.

_ “Rolls sounds fantastic! If you don’t mind.” _

“May, I will literally do anything for you.”

“Wade shut the heck up—“

_ “You’re a funny man Wade. Can’t wait to meet you!” _

“I will see you then.” Wade wrapped up and finally let Peter snatch his phone back.

“May,” Peter breathed heavily. “I don’t—“

_ “I don’t know if you heard, but I’ve invited wade over for dinner.” _

“Oh, you did?” Peter glared at Wade who looked at him innocently.

_ “I did! He seems like a charming man. I’m very excited to meet your first new friend in 10 years. I’m sure he’ll keep you on schedule. How does 6:30 sound?” _

“...It sounds great.” Peter tried to mask his annoyed groan with a cheerful tone.

_ “Alrighty then, you’d better put it on your calendar! And Peter,” _

“Yes?”

_ “If you don’t text me tonight it had better be because you’re dead in a ditch, otherwise I’ll kill you myself.” _

“Yes ma’am.” Peter mumbled with some underlying sass.

_ “I’ll let you get back to it then! Love you~!” _

“You have a weird way of showing it. Love you too. Bye.”

Peter hung up and turned his frustration to Wade, who was still grinning.

“Muffin, I’m glad you made me talk to your aunt. Now we’re going to have a lovely family dinner together.”

“I hate you.” Peter shoved his phone in his pocket and looked out the window. Wade chortled and roughed up Peter’s hair. 

“No you don’t.”

Peter shoved Wade off of him and rolled his eyes, but this time in a fond way.

After a 15 minute bus ride, Wade piled out and Peter was sure to slip the driver some cash for Wade’s ticket before stumbling off.

“God  _ damn  _ it, I should have taken some Ibuprofen or  _something_. ” Peter whined and rubbed the area on his leg around the wound.

“Baby, I said I’ll carry you. Anytime, I will not complain.

“No. You’re on thin fucking ice after that shit.” Peter said grumpily and gritted his teeth as he walked to the entrance doors of the building. That familiar shiver shot through Peter’s body and he spun around. Nothing. Just a normal busy street, bustling with people.

Wade shook his head like he was disappointed. “Petey, do you kiss you dear aunt May with that mouth?”

”Hell, you should hear her talk in a casual setting.” Peter retorted as he narrowed his eyes and looked around a little harder for something out of place. Someone watching them. Still nothing, so shook his head and went inside. He didn’t want to be late.

 _ I haven’t had my coffee yet so maybe I’m just a little jumpy.  _ Peter reasoned.

“You alright? Wade questioned. “Light headed? Unbearable pain?”

“No, I’m good. A little tired.” Peter took a sip from his mug and gave a passing wave to the secretary. The secretary waved back then eyed Wade, confused.

“Don’t mind him. He’s with me.” Peter said and the man at the desk nodded.

“You must be pretty important if you can just bring in a morally challenged avocado man.”

Peter shrugged. “I’ve been here a while.”

The two stepped into the elevator and it slid upward swiftly and quickly.

“See,” Wade said, “ This is how elevators are  _ supposed  _ to sound.”

“It doesn’t sound like anything.”

“ _Exactly_.”  Wade whispered in an awed voice.

In seconds the doors silently slid open and Peter stepped out, Wade behind him.

_ “Good morning, Peter.” _ An artificial man’s voice greeted from over head. Peter set his things down on a metal table close to the elevator and pulled his laptop out of his bag.

“Morning, Jarvis.” Peter replied, and made his way over to display table. He turned it on and it projected a 3D blueprint of a new jet model. Peter plugged his laptop in.

While Peter was doing that, Wade was awing at the wall full of Iron-man suit models to the left.

“What does he even do with these when he’s done?” Wade squinted.

“Jarvis, are Bruce and Tony here yet?”

_ “Dr. Banner is-“ _

The elevator doors slid open and out stepped a shorter curly black haired man in a plaid button up shirt and slacks.

_ “There he is. Mr. Stark isn’t here yet.” _

“Peter!” Bruce smiled and set his own bag next to Peter’s.It didn’t take him long to notice Deadpool, who was gawking at him.

“And Deadpool?” Bruce looked at Peter confused and Wade burst.

“Peter you work with the Hulk?!” Wade exclaimed and pointed at Bruce like he was an animal at the zoo. “And he knows who I am?!”

Peter sweat, and made eye contact with the very confused Bruce Banner. “I can explain. Uuuuuh-“

Actually, Peter hadn’t thought this far.

“Wait, you know I’m the Hulk?” Bruce pushed his glasses up his nose and looked nervously at Wade.

“Oop,” Wade covered his mouth, “Yeah, sorry. S.H.I.E.L.D. is pretty shit at keeping secrets and I couldn’t help myself.”

Bruce went to argue then instead he nodded. “Fair enough. Peter?”

“Uuuuuh-“ 

“Pete-pie is helping me look for Spidey.” Wade clapped his hands together happily. “Or Spider-man. You two teamed up a few times right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Bruce looked at Peter, eyebrows raised into his hair line and his expression bored. “ _ You’re  _ looking for Spider-man?”

“Uh,” Peter scratched his neck and put a hand on his hip. “Yes.”

Bruce rubbed is temples and Peter could tell he was trying not to laugh. “Alright, uh, still doesn’t explain why Pool is here.”

“Having you call me Pool is fulfilling many of my fantasies.” Wade said and Peter flushed from second hand embarrassment. He face palmed and groaned.

“Pool is here because,”  _ Should I tell him?  _ Peter thought.

Again, the elevator doors slid open and out stepped Tony Stark. A black Stark-industries branded T-shirt on his chest under a navy jacket with jeans. He had on a pair of iconic chunky sunglasses to tie it all together and as the cherry on top, two Starbucks coffee cups in his hands.

_ “Good morning, Mr. Stark.” _

“Jarvis.” Tony greeted and walked into the lab. “Hey, Bruce, I’ve got your—“ He stopped mid sentence when he saw Wade. He blinked, and looked over the top of his glasses with narrowed hostile eyes. 

“...Bruce, take your tea or I’m going to drop it.” Tony said flatly and Bruce quickly took one of the cups out of Tony’s hand.

“Jarvis,” Tony asked, not taking his eyes off of Wade. “Can you tell me why the hell there is a jet stealing avocado man in my state of the art, high security, lab?”

Wade put his hands on his hips. “Hey, we already used the avocado joke this chapter.”

_ “Peter brought him in.” _

Tony looked at Peter with wide eyes. “ _Willingly_?”

_ “He didn’t seem to be under any stress when he entered the building. His heart rate is normal. Though he is wounded on his lower left leg. It appears to be a stabbed wound-“ _

“Jarvis.” Peter hissed.

_ “...Apologies.” _

Tony’s eyes got even wider and his piercing gaze returned to Wade. “...Bruce hold my coffee.”

Bruce immediately took the other cup and backed away casually. Wade held up his hands in surrender.

“Now, Tony it’s not at all what you’re thinking— and I know what you’re thinking—“

“Jarvis, Mark 42.”

_ “Mark 42 inbound.” _

And from the wall lined with Iron-suits, the one furthest to the right flew forward in pieces and puzzled itself back together on Tony’s body like a second skin. Tony, now Iron-man, raised a hand and aimed the loading blaster at Wade’s head.

“Now hold on a second—!” Wade put his hands up in surrender.

Peter, ignoring the pain in his leg, ran in front of Wade and waved his arms around in a frenzy. “Tony, wait!”

“Kid, I’m kind of busy right now. Could you just scoot to the left a few steps?” Tony said, his voice clear despite the suit.

“Deadpool didn’t stab me!” Pete said.

“Nope. Somebody else is trying to kill him actually!” Pool chimed and peaked out from around Peter.

The blinding cyan light in Tony’s glove died and he lowered his hand.

“What—? Hold on. Jarvis, put the suit up,” Instantly the suit began to disassemble itself and realign at it’s podium.

“Keep a glove though.” Tony watched Wade carefully and the right glove zipped back to his hand.

“Explain.” He said.

“Um,” Peter tried to quickly think about what he  _ couldn’t _ tell Tony and what what he  _ shouldn’t _ tell Tony. Wade beat him to the punch unfortunately.

“I’m looking for Spider-man, Pete here is helping me out, but now someone is trying to kill him, so I’m protecting him.”

“Protecting?” Tony scoffed. “Well, it would appear you’re doing a pretty shit job. Peter? Is that true?”

“I-“ Peter tugged on his earlobe and shrugged. That was basically what was happening and it was vague enough. “Yeah. That’s why he’s here. He’s been watching my back.”

“Also, I would like to add that I literally died trying to save him which is why he got stabbed. Not my fault.”

“No, it’s _definitely_ your fault.” Tony said and took his coffee back from Bruce. “Kid, why didn’t you say something? I could have provided... _Better_ security.”

“Didn’t cross my mind?” Peter shrugged. “But, look, things are fine now. Wa- Pool. Deadpool, has been doing an okay job so don’t worry about it. Let’s just start the day?” Peter tried and Tony sighed.

“Does he _have_ to be here?” Tony made a face and jabbed a finger towards Wade. Peter glanced back at him and Wade was giving him his best attempt at puppy eyes. Peter huffed and looked back at Tony with a nod. “Yup.”

“Hey, I’ll stay quiet and out of the way if you point me to the nearest shower.” Wade shrugged and snapped his fingers into finger guns.

Tony grumbled something to himself. “You know what sure. We can talk about how you’re going to pay me back for stealing my jet while we head that way.”

“You’re _still_ mad about that? Damn, you must be an Aquarius cause you sure can hold a grudge.”

Tony clenched his jaw. “It was a  _ test flyer model  _ that cost  _2.5 million dollars_. _Yes_. I’m still _sore_.”

“The fuck was that plane made out of?”

Tony took a deep breath and headed back to the elevator. “Just follow me.”

Wade looked at Peter and gave him another thumbs up.

“...Thank you for the tea, Tony.” Bruce slipped in.

Tony’s cheeks tinted pink and he crossed his arms, somehow he still managed to look pissed though. 

“Don’t mention it.” He mumbled.

There was a pause, then Wade gasped and looked between the two of them as the elevator doors slid shut.

Peter looked at Bruce with pursed lips. “That’s nice of him. To go all the way to Starbucks for a tea when he has a Keurig installed every ten feet.”

“I don’t like Keurig tea.”

“ _That’s the point. _ ” Peter whisper shouted and Bruce ignored the implications.

“So, you’re looking for Spider-man?” He changed the subject. 

“Apparently.”

“Strange because, y’know, you’re Spider-man.” Bruce shrugged and took a sip of his tea. He turned to the display table and got to work on the blueprints. “So how’s that going for you?”

“Well, I mean someone is trying to kill me, so, pretty swell.” Peter huffed and leaned on the table.  “...Hey, you didn’t happen to mention to anyone that I’m Spider-man right?”

“Of course not.” Bruce looked at him, a little hurt. 

“Tony?” Peter raised an eyebrow.

“He doesn’t know. Why would I tell him?”

“You tell him everything.”

“I do not.” Bruce rolled his eyes and Peter gave him a skeptical look.

“How do you plan to get rid of Deadpool? Or are you going to tell him—?”

“Absolutely not.” Peter cut him off and made a cutting motion with his hand. “I’m still working on that, but I’m keeping him around for now because we stumbled across... A conspiracy, I guess.”

Peter filled Bruce in on everything that had occurred over the past few days and left out some of the more personal parts. At some point Bruce just stopped tweaking the blue prints and gave Peter his full attention, he wasn’t the best at multi-tasking.

“Wait, so then who’s trying to kill you?” Bruce leaned on the table.

Peter was pacing now with a hand on his chin. “That’s the thing, I have no clue. Because whoever it is knows Peter Parker is Spider-man, which is why I asked you earlier if you could have slipped up and told someone.”

“I mean, that doesn’t really just come up in conversation. Nobody just ask me “Hey Bruce do you know the identity of Spider-man?” And even if they did I wouldn’t tell them.” 

Peter furrowed his brow and stared at the ground as he paced.  _ Then I guess that leaves Matt.  _ He sighed and stopped in place.  _ Guess I’ll have to contact him. Do I even still have his number anymore? _

There was a long pause and Bruce shifted around nervously. “...Hey, Pete, you’re doing alright, right?”

Peter blinked and looked over at Bruce with a confused face. “yeah? What do you mean?”

Bruce hesitated. “Well, you found out Harry didn’t turn himself into the Green Goblin, and I know you... Blamed yourself for that, and. It contributed to you leaving, so how are you doing?”

Harry didn’t infect himself, somebody else poisoned him. It had nothing to do with Peter or Spider-man. In the moment Peter had a sense of relief wash over him back at the manor, and what was left behind was anger. Somebody killed his best friend, and it was most likely to hurt Peter. 

_ Someone still... Hurt him because of me. _ Peter stared off into space. He’d been so caught up in wanting to finding who did it, that he hadn’t really considered... That it was still his fault, just for a different reason.

“Peter?” Bruce pulled Peter from his thoughts. “Hey, you should sit down you look really pale- Peter?”  Bruce pulled over a stool and carefully pushed Peter to sit on it.

“Peter, hey, don’t spiral—“ 

Too late. Peter was already down the hole.

“Bruce, all of this, it’s still my fault—“ He rubbed his forehead, bug eyed, while he stared down at his feet, “But whoever did it— I gave them exactly what they wanted by leaving, didn’t I? I quit because I kept _hurting_ people, but because I left, even _more_ people have been getting hurt. I left for such a selfish reason, and everyone else has been paying for that. I was so caught up in my own head that I couldn’t consider that maybe _I_ had nothing to do with it— how _narcissistic_ and _selfish_ am I— “

“Peter!” Bruce exclaimed a little more sternly and put his hands on Peter’s shoulders as a sort of way to ground him. “Listen to me, you are one of the least selfish people I have ever met . You left a job you loved because you thought it would do more good to stay away. That isn’t _selfish._ ” Bruce shook his head, and studied Peter before continuing.

“Let me break it down scientifically, because I know that’s what you’ll actually listen to, you _leaving_ was destined to happen whether you thought you’d caused Harry’s death or not. Harry was the most important person in your life, you’ve told me many times, and loosing him like that, having him literally die in your arms, was _going_ to send you into a depression no matter what you knew. It was a traumatic experience. When someone experiences a loss, they go through grief and in major cases that will evolve into depression which is an unpreventable thing. Depression unmotivates people to do simple everyday task like brushing their teeth, Peter. It would have been a _miracle_ if you found the motivation to keep going on as Spider-man. By staying and continuing to do what you did, you could have possibly worsened your condition.

”Let’s say you knew someone sabotaged Harry after he died. Then what? You stay on as Spider-man, but your still carrying the mental burden of having your friend die in your arms. Who knows how that would have effected your performance as a hero. You used to climb a lot of tall buildings, fought a lot of fights you could have just given up in the middle of and...” Bruce trailed off, “You leaving, was for _your_ own good.”

”But not everyone else’s,” Peter tried to argue and Bruce lowered his brow and clenched his jaw. He looked mad.

”Worrying for your own mental health isn’t selfish, it’s _selfish_ to think it isn’t.” Bruce placed a hand on Peter’s back and softened his tone. “Breathe, Peter.”

Peter hadn’t noticed it, but he  _ wasn’t  _ breathing. He could feel the panic rising in his chest and he was fighting the urge to throw up.

“Breathe.” Bruce repeated a little softer.

Peter wanted to scream. He wanted to just blow up on himself. Punch himself, pull out his hair, throw himself down the stairs, just something to make himself feel better about letting himself get this way...

“Peter,” Bruce knelt down in front of Peter so he had to look him in the eyes. “Breathe in.” Bruce put a hand on his chest and he breathed in deeply, his eyes asked Peter to do the same.

Peter shoved down his anger and sucked in a painfully slow breath with Bruce. Then he exhaled slowly. Bruce made him repeat the exercise until he had calmed down enough to sit up straight.

“...Thanks, Bruce.” Peter mumbled, staring at his sweaty hands. Bruce still looked worried and handed Peter his coffee.

“Not a problem. I’m pretty sure I triggered that anyways. I’m really sorry.”

Peter sipped his coffee and let the warm liquid warm his throat and chest. “It was... Bound to happen eventually. I’m kinda glad it happened while I was with you though.” Peter said, “You’ve talked me down from a few ledges now. You’re pretty good at it.”

“Have to be,” Bruce said and got up from the floor. “I get angry when I have panic attacks too. Which is,” He huffed, “Not good, but I’ve learned how to talk myself down. Not always successful though.”

“But then I get to see my favorite green guy.” Peter joked, trying to lift the mood a little. Bruce made a face and shook his head.

“Yeah, and then he causes damages that cost millions.”

“Aw, come on I love me some Hulk.” Peter took another swig of coffee. He was joking now, but he still felt like shit.

Bruce chuckled and went back to work. “And Hulk loves him some Spidey.” Bruce’s face suddenly went lax.

“Jarvis,” He said.

_ “Yes Dr. Banner?” _

“Erase this conversation from your memory.”

_ “What conversation?” _

“Thank you, Jarvis.” Bruce laughed.

Peter cocked his head to the side and eyed Bruce. “Huh.”

“What?” Bruce shrugged. “Tony listens to the recordings sometimes to make sure we aren’t talking bad about him.”

“No, not that. I’m more interested in the fact that  you have full access to Jarvis. Tony’s most prized possession outside of his arch-reactor.”

Bruce tried to stutter out a comeback but he was cut off by, speak of the devil and he will appear, Tony marching out of the elevator back into the lab.

“Peter,” He sounded pissed, “You’re  _ certain  _ that you brought him here willingly?”

“Yes.” Peter nodded as he stood up from his stool.

Tony studied his face then pinched the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t think I’d ever meet anyone more frustrating to talk to than myself, and then I met _his_ dumbass.” Tony took a deep breath and rolled his wrist in circles. “But it’s fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. What were you two up too?”

“Working on the blue prints.” Bruce said quickly. Tony looked at him suspiciously.

“Okay?”

“I was just asking him why he got Starbucks instead of just using one of the twelve Keurigs.” Peter said and Bruce shot him a look.

Tony shrugged. “He doesn’t like Keurig tea.” He stated it like it was a fact that everyone knew. “Maybe I’ll have them put a Starbucks in the lobby. That would be easier...” He walked over to the display table and waved his hand across the projection. The hollow jet shell projection disappeared and a Map of New York took it’s place.

“The jet is sitting in the side car today. Right now, I want to find out who the hell is trying to kill my intern and where they are—“

Peter’s nerves shot and he grabbed both Tony and Bruce and yanked them down behind the table just as a blinding flash of light went off outside and the window exploded inward. Glass scattered across the ground with scraps of metal and smoke bellowed into the room.

Peter coughed at the smoke and peaked up over the table at the gaping hole in the side of the building.

“Found them.” He mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye-o! This chapter was dealing more with all the shit that Peter’s been internalizing, effectively setting up my plan for the next chapter (which is already in the works and will be up soon). Thank you for 1,000 hits! See you soon~
> 
> Last edited 02/05/21


	7. Shit Gets Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People try to kill Peter, he forgets to do his stretches, and we find out that Wade has a bigger brain than we thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Negative is a villain from the PS4 game and he’s actually kinda 😳 but that’s just me I think. But seriously, if you haven’t played the game or watched game play for it you really should. That version of Peter is the BEST version of Peter.

The smoke cleared and amidst the rubble, out walked a man in a stark white suit with pitch black skin. He looked like a reversed Polaroid. Behind him to his left and his right were to men wearing black and white mask that resembled antique chinese demon opera mask. Both men were strapped with explosives and carried enormous fire arms.

Peter ducked back down behind the table and shoved his back against it, panic in his eyes. 

_ Mr. Negative?  _ Peter thought.  _ Mr. Negative is trying to kill me?  _

On Peter’s list of “Villians Who Could Possibly Know His Identity” Mr. Negative and the Inner Demons were pretty low on the list. Pete hadn’t fought them that much and Negative was more concerned about King Pin than he was Spider-man for the most part.

“Peter Parker.” Negative said in a low and distorted voice. Just as creepy as Peter remembered.

_But that doesn’t matter because right now he’s trying to kill me._ Peter sank down lower behind the table.

“Come out quietly, and nobody has to get hurt.” Peter heard the cocking of guns and an electrical  zap  come from Negative’s direction.

“Screw that,” Tony mumbled and raised his wrist watch up to his mouth. “Jarvis, Mark 42 and activate security breach on Marks 38-41.”

_ “Already on it sir.” _

The wall of suits sprang to life and Tony leapt up from behindthe table. Mark 42 latched onto Tony’s body and in a blink of an eye every blaster glove in the room was trained on the three men.

“Aren’t you supposed to be Oscorp’s problem?” Tony asked and a streak of blinding blue light left his glove, and the other suits followed his lead. The attackers fired off their own weapons and one of them even threw themselves at the suits before setting off the explosives. The explosion took out one of the suits and critically damaged another.

While the fight played out, Peter grabbed Bruce and tried his best to navigate them to the elevator while bullets whizzed past. After some dodging, weaving, and bullets getting too close for comfort, Peter pulled Bruce into the elevator with him and smashed the door button. The doors slid shut and the elevator lurched downward.

Peter slid down the wall and breathed deeply. Peter looked over at Bruce, who looked like he was struggling to keep it together. He kept checking his watch and the taking slow deep breaths. Then if things couldn’t get worse, the elevator shook violently and a horrible warping noise came from overhead. Both Peter and Bruce froze and with wide eyes Bruce took another deep, but shaky breath.

The cables started to moan and Peter cursed. He leapt forward, grabbed the elevator doors and pried them open. Just as he heard the cables finally give way, he grabbed Bruce by the shirt and drug him out of the elevator.

The metal box fell through the shaft, sparks flying left and right and seconds later a loud  **_ boom _ ** range out.

Bruce hit the floor, exasperated, and Peter scrambled upto a standing position. He looked around the room and studied his surroundings, looking for signs of the Inner demons or even Mr. Negative.

They were on the training deck that the Avengers used on the rare occasion they got together.

Peter looked down at Bruce and squatted next to him.

“How you doing?” He asked casually, but out of breath.

“I am 10 heartbeats away from going  _ballistic_.”  Bruce whispered and closed his eyes.

“What do you usually do to calm down?” Peter hovered over him and another explosion sounded over head, shaking the building. 

“The sunset thing right?” Peter gave Bruce a quizzical look. “Um, suns getting real low now, buddy. Real low. Sinking further down behind those mountain tops. Think Bob Ross painting-“

“Peter,” Bruce said calmly, “Please _shut up_.”

The door to the right flew open and Peter jumped up and took a defensive position, but to his relief out stumbled Wade, strapping his katanas back on.

“Wade!” Peter sounded exhausted.

“There I am, having a refreshing shower and then there’s a fucking category 10 earthquake. It always has to happen when my dick is out, huh?” Wade pulled his mask on tighter and spotted Peter and the panicking Dr. Banner.

“I was in the middle of stealing Tony’s soaps, what the fuck is going on?” Wade tightened his belt and tapped the toe of his boot of the ground. “Is it our guy trying to kill you?”

Peter’s blood ran cold and he grabbed Wade by the straps of if holsters and pulled him out of the way just as the ceiling caved in where he stood. Tony crashed through the hole to the floor a second later, his suit looking worse for wear.

“I’m so sick of this shit! All the time!” Tony pushed himself up but was quickly pined back down as someone else fell through the ceiling onto him. The masked man aimed his gun directly at Peter, but Wade was faster. He unholstered his guns and shot the man in the knees causing him the howl in pain. Tony threw the now injured man off of him and across the room, knocking him out.

At least Peter  _ hoped  _ he was knocked out. He wasn’t moving.

“Deadpool,” Tony’s voice rang out from his suit, “You’re with me.” 

Wade gasped and switched his guns out for his katanas. “Is this our team up comic? I’ve been waiting for this since 2002!” 

Tony’s face as hidden, but Peter guessed that it read as instant regret. Tony glanced at Bruce then turned to Peter. “And Peter, get Bruce out of the tower.”

Then in much more elegant fashion than Tony, Mr. Negative dropped down, his hands glowing- or rather absorbing the light around them. He grunted loudly as he clapped his hands together and sent a black and white shock wave of light at Peter.

Wade tackled him to the ground knocking the breath out of Peter and the blast hit the wall behind them putting a colossal slash in the metal. Wade rolled off of Peter and threw a katana with scary accuracy towards Negative, but he jumped out of the way and threw another blast at them. To make things worse, three more suicide bombers dropped in through the roof brandishing what looked like swords made out of the same energy as Negative’s blast.

“God damn how many of these fuckers are there?” Wade fired off a few shots at the news guys as they rushed him.

Bruce was up now and this time  he  had Peter by the shirt and was leading him away from the danger and towards the stairwell. 

“Let’s go!” Bruce yelled over the deafening gun shots and Peter scrambled to his feet. The two bolted for the stairwell door and as soon as they were inside they slammed the door shut. They didn’t take a moment to collect themselves they were already racing down the stairs.

“You doing alright?” Peter asked as they climbed further down.

“I’ll manage.” Bruce replied, “But I’m not the one trying to be killed right now, so how are you?”

“I’m doing  _ great _ .” Peter huffed out. “Just another day at work-“

There was a loud echoing crash indicating they’d broken through the door and were now in pursuit. Peter and Bruce had a head start of a few floors so he wasn’t immediately concerned about them catching up, but their luck ran out. More men in black and white mask were running  up  the stairs. They were surrounded. 

The two stopped in front of another door and Bruce was wheezing for air.

“Nevermind, I’m not doing too great anymore!” Bruce panicked and peaked over the railing and Peter wracked his brain for something to do.

_ I have to get Bruce out of here before we have another bigger Greener problem. They’re just after me right?  _ Peter glanced at Bruce and got an idea. “I have to get you out of here and away from the commotion. How are you with heights?”

“Horrible.” Bruce said, panic creeping into his voice.

“Do you think you could hold it together long enough to be lowered 20 stories?” Peter rolled up his sleeves revealing his web-shooters and Bruce shook his head and pointed at them.

“Peter— no— whatever you’re plan is, it’s a horrible plan—“

Peter shot out a string and tied it around Bruce’s waste.

“Peter—!” Bruce panicked and held onto the railing for dear life.

“Think happy thoughts!” Peter said and picked Bruce up before tossing him over the railing.

“That’s not how it works—!” Bruce yelled before he descended down the center of the stairwell. Peter had a death grip of the webbing as he lowered Bruce down and the Inner demons closed in on him. He was right about them just being after him. As Bruce whizzed past them screaming, they paid him no mind.

Peter smiled triumphantly but his celebration was cut short by one of the men from above reaching his level and throwing a punch at his face. 

Peter let go of his webbing with one hand and grabbed the guy by the wrist and used his own body as a sort of seesaw and threw the man down the stairs, tripping a few other guys who were coming up the stairs that Peter hadn’t noticed.

Peter looked over the railing and continued to lower Bruce until more men caught up to him. Peter groaned and tied his webbing off on the railing.

“Bruce! Your gonna have to swing back onto the stairs and keep going down!” Peter called as both groups of men fully caught up to him.

“Peter—“ Bruce sounded like he wanted to scold Peter, but he didn’t. “Be careful!” he said instead.

Peter threw open the door and stumbled inside, his leg screaming in pain as he ran through the building, the men hot on his heels.

He pivoted of his right foot and aimed his webs for a bigger man in the back of the black and white mind controlled stampede of people. 

“Come ‘ere buddy!” Peter’s webs latched onto the the man and Peter yanked the man towards him, trampling the majority of the crowd. Peter leapt over the mans body and webbed another lackey out of the way as he broke for the window. 

He rolled out of the way of a rain of bullets that shattered the window and launched himself out of it.

As he fell through the air Peter took a deep breath, wind wiping past him, and fired his webs at the building. He flexed his core, pointed his toes, and swung around the building with all his might. He stuck to the glass and clambered up two or three stories before looking back.

He could see what remained of the Inner demons look up and out through the broken window at him wondering how the hell they were supposed to get to him.

Peter laughed as he caught his breath.

“What’s wrong? If I can do it so can you-“

**_ Bang bang bang bang _ **

Peter scrambled up the side of the building avoiding bullets. “Aye! Assholes!” Peter kept climbing.

Once he felt he was far enough away that he didn’t have to worry about the bullets meeting their mark, he shot out two short webs of either side at the top of the window pane he was stuck to, jumped back still holding onto his webs, and used the momentum to break through the glass and back into Stark Tower.

He landed with a roll and stood up to brush off any remaining glass shards from his clothes. He gave himself a moment to catch his breath. His heart was still racing and his head was still buzzing. He was sore in his core, lower back, and muscles from swinging without doing any stretches and his leg was killing him, but he didn’t really care.

Still breathing heavily Peter thought to himself.  _ When was the last time I did something like that?  _ Peter pictured the moment where he hurled himself out the window and caught himself on his webbing.

 _ Too long.  _ He rolled his sleeves back down and ran towards the sounds of fighting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ You know, I feel like the Avenger should have taken the walking Polaroid. _

“It’s just sort of how things played out.” Wade grunted as he fired off another round at the man in the white suit. As far as villians went he looked pretty easy, but he was proving to be a pain in the ass. He kept launching giant shock waves at Wade and making more and more of a mess, making it harder to see the fight.

** This probably isn’t the best time, but we should talk about what happened last night. **

_ The wet dream? _

** No! Before we fell asleep. Before Peter fell asleep? **

_ Ooooh, yes. The “Very Crucial to The Plot” thing. _

Wade hadn’t stopped thinking about what Peter said since, well, since he said it. 

Wade was sure Peter hadn’t meant for him to hear it, but Wade definitely heard it, and he had definitely been playing it on loop in his head.

_ “I missed you.” _

Those three words made Wade reconsider a lot of his theories. Sure, Peter had said his name, but he’d half written it off because maybe Spider-man told Peter his real name? Maybe Wade had slipped up at some point, but Peter missed him?

_ Why would he miss me?  _ Wade wondered as he dodged attacks.  _ We met three days ago... Supposedly. _

** I think were on the same page. Peter has all those pictures, isn’t too fond of Spidey, somehow held his own against a trained merc, avoids our questions, and we found that police scanner in his kitchen? **

_ He has a dump truck ass, quick witted, agile... _

** Yellow are we... Are we actually in agreement? **

_ Omg yes! Let’s say itat the same time! _

** Peter is Spider-man **

_ We like Peter. _

**...What happened. **

_ I thought... I thought we were talking about something else. Ignore what I said! Peter is Spider-man?! _

“Peter is Webs??” Wade mumbled it to himself and he paused, which in the heat of battle is a horrible idea.  Reverse man, or whatever the hell his name was, used his Halo energy sword lookin’ thing the slice off Wade’s left arm.

“Fucking, _ow_! Not lefty!” Wade yelled and glared at the villain. “He kept me company on lonely nights! Also you’ve just made it twice as hard to beat your ass, but that’s not going to stop me from breaking your spine.”

Wade hurled himself at at the man, Arthur in his hand, this time he was out for blood. Also known as Wade’s version of auto pilot. He wasn’t done with the boxes.

** Honestly, I don’t know how we didn’t figure it out sooner. Now all the slip ups make sense. I mean this whole thing makes sense now. **

_ Wait, I thought Peter and Spidey were dating. _

“Me too!” Wade said as he slashed through the air, “At least at first I did. Then Pete started rambling about not really liking Webs blah blah blah, just go back and reread it.”

“Who are you talking to?” Polaroid suit asked annoyed and brought his sword to clash with Wade’s.

“Not you nosey!” Wade shoved back and the man stumbled.

_ Mystery solved! I guess this is over. Thank you for reading- _

** Well, someone is still trying to kill him and I think Twinkle Toes here is more hired help. **

“Then who—?” Again the man got the drop on Wade and he fell on his back. It looked like Wade was about to have to grow a new head because Negative Nelly raised his sword over his head and was ready to bring it down.

“Hey, asswipe!”

Both Wade and the other guy snapped their heads over to find Peter standing there looking almost... Feral?

He looked like he’d just fallen out of a plane and landed in a glass factory. His hair was wild, pupils dilated, clothes torn, and he had a bunch of small cuts across his skin. His leg was obviously bothering him because he was standing lopesided, but despite that he still looked ready to fight.

_ Yup. That’s Webs. _

** Slap some spandex on him, and you’ve got yourself a friendly neighborhood Spider-man. **

Peter opened his arms up in a sort of “Bring it on” way. “I’ve got some questions for you!”

_ Love to see how he pulls this off.  _ Wade thought.

Peter now had the suit guy’s full attention giving Wade the opportunity to get to his feet.

The man reeled back like he was charging up his stupid anime esc attack, but this time he looked like he was giving it his all. The man sent his fist flying through the air sending a surge of white light right for Pete.

Peter dove and rolled out fo the way and landed in a squatting position while the blast just tore through the building. “You’re persistent I’ll give you that, but I’m really good at avoiding things. Like attacks and my emotions!”

** I think he’s distracting him for us. **

“I’ll ask him-“ Wade was going to have fun with this. “Hey, Pete are you distracting him?”

“Yes, Pool! Take advantage of it.” Peter yelled ducking behind a fallen sheet of metal as another blast came at him.

“Well, thanks baby boy! Can you give me a name so I know who I’m working with?”

“Mr. Negative—!”  Mr. Negative yelled as he chucked a hunk of fallen rubble at Peter, who again dodged.

“That’s a lame ass name.”

“ _Deadpool_! ” Peter yelled and as gracefully as an injured super hero could, leapt over a fallen beam and ducked for cover behind a wall.

“Alright alright!” Wade said and and waved his arm around. 

_ Wow, I feel amazing right now! What’s happening? _

** Serotonin. Spidey induced serotonin. **

With his new found motivation, Wade was ready to die. In a good way!

With Negative up Peters ass, it was much easier to get some hits on him. He seemed completely trained on Peter. 

“Pool! I’m running out of places to hide!” Peter warned.

“Working on it babe! I’m missing an arm in case you didn’t notice.”

“You didn’t always look like that?”

“Hahaha, Pete. You’re killing me. Really. Where  _ do  _ you come up with this stuff.” One of his rounds caught Negative’s shoulder and his blast misfired up to the ceiling, creating another expansive hole in the ceiling. He held his shoulder and tried another attack but nothing came out of his hand. His appearance was almost starting to glitch in a way. Peter peaked out from behind a flipped over table and saw that Negative was starting to loose his mojo.

“I’m not fond of guns, but they’re effective.” Peter came out his chest heaving up and down.

“Harder to hold back though.” Wade said and holstered his gun as Negative fell to the ground.

“That felt easy.” Wade said.

“He wore himself out for the most part.” Peter mumbled and trudged closer, stepping over debris. “Extra points for not killing him.”

_ There it is. THERE IT IS. _

** Nothing is better than Spidey praise. **

Peter stooped down next to the now just normal looking business man and grabbed him by the jacket of his suit, and pulled him closer.

“Why are you trying to kill me? Your problem is with Oscorp not Stark, so why?” Peter breathed and shook the barely conscious man. “You know, now that I think about it, you  _ really  _ hate Oscorp. Right? You’d do just about anything to get them out of the game, like kill the heir to the company?” 

Wade heard the anger rise in Peter’s voice.  “Did you tamper with Harry Osborn’s medication—?!”

“Pete, he’s out cold.” Wade mumbled and kicked the man’s limp body.

Peter let go of the man’s jacket and struggled to a standing position, leaning awkwardly to his right off of his bad leg. He looked up at the second hole in the roof then at Wade.

“Tony’s not going to be happy about that.”

“He’s not happy about any of this.”Wade retorted.

“Speak of the devil.” Peter rubbed his eyes and Tony descended in through the window. As soon as his boots met the ground he climbed out of the suit sweaty and grimy.

“I got the thugs under control.” He looked at the unconscious office worker and raised his eyebrows in surprise. “And I see you got him under control- Peter?”

Tony looked at Peter with wide eyes and looked him up and down. “You look awful.” Then panic crossed his face. “Where’s Bruce? Jarvis call Bruce-“

From Tony’s empty suit Jarvis calm voice called, _ “Calling Dr. Banner...” _

_ “Tony?” _

“Bruce!” Tony’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Bruce, where are you? Are you okay?”

_ “I’m outside the tower, and I’m fine.” _

“I’ll come get you.”

_ “Okay-“  _ There was some shuffling on the other end.  _ “Um, be prepared to deal with S.H.I.E.L.D. though. They just pulled up. Is Peter there? Is he safe?” _

”A little rough around the edges, but still kicking.” Tony said. “You said S.H.I.E.L.D. Was there?”

_ ”Yeah a few of their guys just pulled _ up.”

Tony groaned and stepped back into his suit. It shut around him but he kept the face guard up.

“Wait, what are you going to tell S.H.I.E.L.D.?” Peter asked.

Tony shut the face guard and walked over. “Well, I assume you want your situation to be left out of the conversation?”

Peter nodded and Tony sighed.

“Then I’ll say it was just a robbery attempt. Head down to the garage and I’ll have a driver take you out the back. You still live in downtown Brooklyn?”

Peter nodded again. He looked exhausted. He must have been coming down from his adrenaline high.

“Deadpool.” Tony turned to Wade. “You can pay me for the jet by protecting Peter until we get everything sorted out.”

“I was already gonna do that, but if it means we’ll be even, then absolutely Iron-dad.” Wade gave Tony a thumbs up and wrapped his only arm around Peter’s shoulders.

“And kid,” Tony pat Peter’s arm, “Take the day off tomorrow. Stay inside. I’ll check in on you if you want?”

“Don’t do that.” Peter groaned. “I’ll be fine.”

Tony nodded and took off while Wade waved his goodbye with his growing arm stub.

“Call me! I put my number in your computer when you weren’t looking!”

Wade felt Peter relax once Tony was out of sight.

“Wade,” he winced, “Are you still up for carrying?” 

“Always, baby boy.” Wade smiled under his mask. ”But it’s, going to have to be a piggyback ride situation, no bosom cradling today.”

“I prefer it that way, actually.” Peter mumbled and walked behind Wade. Wade crouched down and Peter slumped onto his back like a dead body.

“God, I’m out of shape.” Peter groaned. “Everything hurts. Mainly my core. My poor flabby stomach.”

Wade stood up and headed for the stairs “I hurt just watching you do all that tucking and rolling.”

“I wasn’t built for athletics. I was built to stand around at lab tables and type at a computers.”

“It’s good for you. A little near death experience never killed anybody.”

Wade felt Peter laugh against his back.

_ Are we gonna break the news to him or what? _

** Maybe not right now though? Kind of the worst time. **

“I’ll let him get his bearings. Then I’ll spring it on him. Like a trap! A fun little trap that could possibly backfire.”

“What?” Peter lifted his head up.

“Nothing sweet cheeks.”

The trip back to Peter’s place was, thankfully, uneventful. The car ride was silent except for wade’s constant chatter with the boxes. Meanwhile, Peter slept peacefully sleeping with his head leaned up against the window and arms crossed.

Wade noticed how all of Peter’s small cuts and bruises were starting to heal and he scolded himself from not noticing something like that sooner.

_ Literally should have caught that at the IHOP when his face wasn’t all fucked up. Vaseline isn’t that strong.  _ Wade thought and crossed his own arms in a pout.

_ In our defense, we never have to use it. _

The car pulled to a stop in front of Peter’s complex and Wade shook Peter awake.

“Peter Piper, time to pick a patch of pickled peppers.”

Peter jolted awake and looked around. “What? Where?” He looked out the window. “Oh, home. Okay.”

The two crawled out of the car and Peter thanked the driver before they headed inside. After his little power nap, Peter seemed to be feeling much better because he made it up the stairs no problem aside from his leg. 

_ Imagine having a shitty healing factor. _ Wade thought to himself and glanced down at his half reformed arm.

“Gotta grab a new suit.” Wade mumbled. “And another shower. I smell like a rotting corpse again.”

_ It’s our natural musk. _

“I refuse to accept that.” Wade protest.

“You can use my shower. Hopefully it won’t be cut short by another attempt on my life.” Peter walked/hobbled down the hall to his door and unlocked it.

“You seem to be able to hold your own pretty well. Long enough for me to wash my balls and have a karaoke session.”

They slipped inside and Peter’s stomach growled. “God, I’m starving.”

“That’s what happened when you skip breakfast sweetheart.” Wade said and shut the door behind him. He lingered there for a second while Peter wondered into the kitchen.

_ Now’s as good a time as any.  _ Wade thought and scratched his jaw.  I’ll be subtle.

“Hey, Webs, how about some take out? I was thinking Mexican sounded pretty good.”

“Yeah Mexican sounds pretty gooood...” Peter’s voice trailed off and his eyes shot wide.

Yeah, real subtle.

Peter froze and looked back at Wade who just let his words hang in the air. Peter looked to his right and Wade followed his gaze. Peter was looking at the window.

“Wait, Peter—“ 

Wade ran forward, but Peter was already out the window scaling the side of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peter really said “Gotta blast” at the end there. Now let us begin phase two of the story.


	8. Well, Well, Well. How The Turn Tables Have...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has a lot of suppressed anger and Wade is going to be the adult for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is the slowest slow burn you’ve ever read I guarantee lmao. Also i wrote this while listening to Mr. Loverman on loop so you can tell where my head was at. Writing about emotions, especially negative ones, and figuring out how different people deal with them is RIDICULOUSLY hard, so this chapter is a bit short compared to the rest, but I tried my best! Things are about to get spicy

Fight or flight had kicked in and Peter chose to run away, like he did from all emotionally confusing situations.

Peter crawled up the side of his apartment building and hopped up on the roof.

“Peter! God damn it—“ Wade yelled from behind him.

Peter didn’t stop though. Instead he shot a web up to another near by building and swung upwards just as Wade caught up to him. Still being a little out of practice, Peter tripped and ate shit on the roof, but he didn’t stop running. Wade may have been missing an arm, but we was still Deadpool.

Peter’s point was only proven further when he jumped and rolled down to an empty back way and Wade cut him off out of nowhere.

“Peter! What the fuck—“

In a panic Peter webbed Wades ankles making him trip and fall.

“Peter, I swear to _fuck_ —“

Peter shot another web up to the building’s ledge and as he propelled himself upward, a knife zipped past his face and sliced his webbing in two. Peter fell to the ground with a thud and he cursed as he struggled back to his feet. He flicked his wrist again, but nothing came out and his shooters made a wheezing noise. They were clogged from years of neglect.

“Are you kidding me?” Peter’s tone was frustrated as he flicked at the vials of web fluid on his shooters. A shiver shot down his spine and as he turned around he was tackled to the ground. Wade pinned him down with his knee and didn’t let up when Peter tried to push him off.

“What the hell was that?” Wade said baffled. “What the hell was your plan there? Jump out the window and what? Evade me for the rest of your life?”

“Get off!” Peter growled.

“If I do are you going to try and crawl away again?”

“No! Just get off!” Peter pushed Wade off, or more Wade  let Peter push him off. Peter sat up and rested his elbows on his knees and tugged at his hair. Wade stood there and crossed his arm and a half, waiting.

_ Everything is messed up now. Damn it. _ Peter roughed up his hair and stood up. He looked up at Wade and held his breath. “So... You know now...”

“Don’t know how I didn’t figure it out sooner, honestly.” Wade said shortly with a shrug.

Peter tried to push down the rising feeling of dread in his chest.

“Remember... Remember when you said that I wouldn’t have left for a dumb reason?

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Peter laughed dryly pat his hands nervously on his jeans, “I guess you were wrong.”

“Woah there,” Wade put his hand up in front of him. “You’re getting a little ahead of yourself. All I know is that something shady happened with the Osborn’s, someone is trying to kill because you know too much, and you’re Spider-man. I still don’t know how this all ties together. I mean. I sort of do, but I need everything cleared up.”

Peter rubbed his eyes roughly and groaned. This wasn’t supposed to go this way. Peter couldn’t think straight, he was hungry, his leg was killing him, but above all he had an overwhelming amount of rage pent up inside of him.

“Hey,” Wade said. “Let’s take this somewhere else, grab some food, and talk.”

The irony. Peter pulled his hands away from his eyes. Wade was being the adult for once.

“Okay.” Pete said quietly, eyes on the ground.

Wade nodded and didn’t say another word, which was very out of character for him. This wasn’t the reaction Peter was expecting from him, but Peter wasn’t really sure what he expected.

Wade took out his phone and walked out of the backstreet out onto the sidewalk. Peter followed him hesitantly, focused on his breathing. He really didn’t want to edge himself into a senseless panic attack twice in one day. An automated woman’s voice muttered out some directions and Wade walked that way, Peter following silently.

He was pulled from his thoughts a few minuted later when he ran Wade’s shoulder. Wade had stopped walking and was putting his phone back in his belt. Peter looked up at where they were. Wade had stopped at a family owned Mexican place that looked oddly familiar. They’d probably visited it together before...

“What do you want?” Wade asked, he didn’t look at Peter. “I’m buyin’.”

Peter blinked up at Wade then looked back at the stand. “Just... A beef burrito.”

Wade ordered and Peter wondered over to a wall to lean against. He watched cars drive past and waited with a furrowed brow. He didn’t know whether or not to be thankful for Pool’s silence or to freak out about it.

Moments later, Wade walked up to him brandishing bags of food.

“Wanna take this to a rooftop?” He asked and pointed upward.

Peter looked up then back at Wade. “...Sure.”

“You got any fluid left in those things?” Wade nodded towards Peter’s wrist. Peter looked at his shooters.

“Just jammed. One sec.” He pulled the webbing off of the part that was clogged and blew off the residue. He walked into the alley beside the restaurant, Wade close behind.

“Gimme a lift?”

“Hang on.” Peter grabbed the back of Wade’s suit and shot a web up to the top of the building. He yanked hard on the webbing and the two of them flew upward. Wade stuck his landing just fine while Peter fumbled his. Wade walked over to the ledge and set one of the bags of food down next to him as he sat down.

“That one is yours.” He said and pulled a tinfoil wrapped cylinder. “And thiiiis one is mine.”

Peter hopped up on the ledge and swung his legs over the side. He grabbed his burrito out of the bag and opened it up.

Silence filled the air, and finally, Wade was happy to fill it.

“You know,” Wade started, “I pictured this moment much differently. In my dreams I had both arms, you had on spandex, and weren’t traumatized. Setting and food are the same though, so it’s still good I guess.”

Peter starred off into the distance and tightened his grip on his food. The sun was starting to set and the chilly air started to bite at his skin.

“...What do you want me to say?” Peter asked.

“Uh... You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to.” Wade said. He rolled up his mask and left it there. Didn’t try to hide it or jerk his mask back down, and Peter couldn’t help but stare. Wade I sort of chuckled and scratched his scarred chin. “I feel dumb about not eating breakfast yesterday now, since you apparently already knew what was underneath—“

“Are you mad at me?” Peter blurted.

Wade pursed his lips, Peter could actually  see him do it, and hummed. “I have no idea how I feel right now, to be honest”

_ You and me both _ _._ Peter looked at the burrito in his hands and sighed. “...What do you want me to say?” He repeated.

“We’ll just jump right in, shall we?” Wade took a bite of his burrito. “Why  _ exactly _ did you leave?”

There was a long gap in the conversation that was only filled by cars racing past below and the wind whistling as it past between buildings. Peter at last breathed in deeply and spoke, “Because...” He bit his cheek and sighed, “Because, what’s the point in being a hero, if you can’t even protect the people you love?”

That was the first time Peter had said it out loud and really just... Faced it.

And boy, did it sting.

”...Harry?” Wade guessed, and he didn’t look at Peter.

Peter’s throat ached and he gritted his teeth. “Harry... Mr. Osborn, and my uncle Ben. Three of the most important people in my life who I couldn’t keep safe... Keep alive...

“Harry  _ was _ the tipping point though...” Peter continued, struggling to keep his voice steady. “I mean, he died in my arms for fuck’s sake, and I thought it was my fault... After he died I was like “What’s the point? I couldn’t protect him, someone who meant the world to me, so how can I protect everyone else? Will people just keep getting hurt no matter how hard I try? How many more people am I going to loose? Why is it always me...?”

Peter sighed again, ”I couldn’t keep doing it after that. It wasn’t that I didn’t like it. I loved hero work. I still do, today proved that, but I could never bring myself to put my suit back on. It felt wrong...” Peter glanced at Wade, who still wasn’t really looking at him. “I couldn’t contact anybody either... Y’know,” Peter looked back at his food, “I wanted to tell you what was going on. I really did... But...”

“But you didn’t.” Wade finished. “...So, I am a little mad. I’m mad that you didn’t tell me that you were leaving. You didn’t have to tell me everything, just that you were alive and leaving the scene. I know you didn’t really consider us close, but I still would have liked to know what was going on with you.”

“I did—“ Peter stopped himself.  “I thought you were just going to leave New York. I wasn’t—“

“—Thinking?” Wade tried.

“—Trying to worry you. I thought you’d just move on. Everyone else did.” Peter said.

Wade mumbled to himself and fidgeted in place. “I’m a little mad, but not that you left. Just that you didn’t tell me. That’s it.”

Peter felt embarrassed deep down. He could feel the back on his neck and his ears burn with shame.

“Harry,” Wade said, “He’s the guy you’d talk about all the time during patrol, isn’t he?”

Peter blushed and thought back to slower nights when there wasn’t really much fighting that would happen. He’d just sit and talk to Wade for a while.

“Yeah.” He said finally.

“Thought so...” Wade’s voice dropped. “And he hated Spider-man?”

Peter nodded. “It was complicated. At least for me it was... He thought that Spider-man had  _ let  _ Norman fall, but even though I knew different, I didn’t tell him otherwise. I guess I wanted him to be mad at me in a way. That way I could justify being mad at myself...”

“But then, when Harry was turned, I jumped the gun and thought it was my fault for not telling him the truth. I didn’t  _ know  _ he didn’t do it to himself... I chased him through all of Manhattan, fighting for my life and his, until I finally managed to reach him. He snapped out of his drugged state and stopped himself by ramming his hovercraft into the side of the a building. He brought down and entire top half of a building and landed among the debris. When I found him it was too late to do anything to save him.”

Wade listened as he ate while Peter filled in all the gaps in the story.

“What about all the newspapers and pictures?” Wade asked.

“Those?” Peter’s shoulders fell. “Those... At first it was to try and motivate myself to come back. I’d try to guilt myself back into my suit by collecting articles, interviews, and pictures. Obviously, it didn’t work because if anything, it just scared me more. Eventually, it just sort of became a sick habit to take pictures of everything.”

“Did you ever tell anybody about all of this?” 

Peter rolled his eyes and laughed. “No. Not really. I told Bruce some of it because he knows my identity, but I didn’t want to bother him with it. I don’t have anyone I can really talk to.”

“Uh, your wonderful and loving aunt?” Wade said in a tone that made it sound like he was talking down to Peter.

“She doesn’t know I’m—... I was Spider-man. She’d be worried to death about me if she knew.”

“.....”

“.....”

Wade was staring at him now, but Peter couldn’t meet his eye. 

“So this is the first time you’ve actually dealt with all of this? In this whole three years?”

Peter blinked and he suddenly realized. “I guess so.”

“God,” Wade said and huffed. “You’re an idiot. Have you always been this stupid and I didn’t realize it or?”

“You’re one to talk!” Peter said, defensive. “You just dealt with your turmoil by killing people!”

“Touché.” Wade tugged his mask back down and discarded his burrito wrapper. “Well, everything makes sense now. You really did all you could to throw me off, huh? Does anyone other than me and Brucey know your identity?”

“One other guy that I know of. I need to contact him—“ Peter shook his head. “—Wade, I’m sorry.”

Wade looked at his almost arm and flexed the gross nubby things that would eventually become fingers. “What for?”

“For just disappearing without saying anything, and... And for disappointing you.”

Wade snapped his head over to Peter looking lost. “Disappointed?? Where did that come from?”

“Aren’t you?” Peter furrowed his brow. 

“Do you want me to be??” Wade responded with the same amount of confusion in his voice. 

Peter rubbed his face and groaned. “I don’t know...”

“I don’t know!” Peter slung his legs back over the side. He jumped down and started pacing back and forth on the roof while Wade watched him. 

“I—“ Peter struggled to find the right words, “I just want someone other than myself to be upset with me!”

“But no one is—“

“You!” Peter yelled exasperatedly and gesture at Wade, “You should be disappointed in me! You of all people should be ripping me a new one, but you’re being weirdly calm about this! Why aren’t you telling me about everything I’ve ruined?!You  _ idolized  _ Spider-man and you just found out that he’s a depressed hoarder who can’t take proper care of himself at 23!”

Wade stood up and leaned on the ledge with his arms crossed. “I did. And I don’t really care. It’s actually a bit of a relief.”

“What?” Peter stopped pacing.

“I mean you’re right. I did idolize Spider-man, still do, but that’s not my point. To me you’re just... More human now. You were always untouchable to me, because you were The Amazing Spider-man! The underdog hero who helped everyone no matter what and kept an optimistic attitude. You didn’t seem to have any day to day regular guy problems, but now you seem more... Real.”

“You know,” Wade squinted and stepped closer. “It’s almost like we’ve switched places.”

“What are you talking about?” Peter twisted his face in confusion.

“When we met. Not at the Bugle. Before that. The warehouse in Jersey? My little killing spree?”

Peter remembered. That felt like it was decades ago.

“I remember.”

“This is like that! Except this time  your  fiancé was wrongfully murdered and  I’m  the sexy levelheaded vigilante.” Wade face palmed and mumbled to himself. “Listen I’m  trying to be serious. Ignore what I just said, that was a pretty shit way of putting it. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been where you are. Granted I didn’t take it out on myself.” He coughed. “Kinda-took-it-out-on-others, but I get it...”

“So, what now?” Peter asked. “Are you going to leave?”

“I  _ did  _ say I just wanted to know if you were okay...” Wade put a hand on his chin thoughtfully, “But obviously, you’re not. Mystery solved. So am I gonna leave? No. I don’t think I will.”

Peter seemed hesitant.

“I’m choosing to look at it like this. You helped me better myself, so why don’t I return the favor? I want to help  you figure all of this out. Figure your head out. Figure out who killed Harry. Figure it all out.”

Peter’s heart beat loudly in his chest and his muscles tensed all over.

_ When did he grow up?  _ Peter fought the urge to cry.

Wade shifted back and forth on his feet like he was getting antsy. “Man, this should be a lot easier now too. Since hopefully you won’t be trying to hide things from me anymore. Secrets secrets are no fun secrets secrets hurt someone! Obviously. I lost a fucking arm because of this and now it looks like a shriveled testicle is growing out of my shoulder blade.”

_ No, he’s still the same.  _ Peter corrected and rubbed his tired eyes with a faint hint of a smile.

“While I have you cornered, I have one more question.” Wade tapped his index fingers together, pretending to be nervous.

Peter inhaled the rest of his food and nodded at Wade like  “Go ahead.”

“Did you really miss me?”

“What—?” Peter looked at him with a mouth full of food and remembered the other night. He swallowed the bite in his mouth then sighed. “You heard that?”

“Oh, absolutely, been shitting my pants about it all day actually, but I didn’t know if that was the blood lose talking or what...”

Peter rubbed his arm and looked back to the setting sun. It was getting pretty cold, but Peter didn’t feel cold. “Yeah... Yeah I missed you.”

“That is  truly  shocking. More shocking than anything else I’ve learned today.  You  missing  me. ”

Peter shrugged again, “You make me laugh. Not a lot of people do.”

“I would hug you right nw, but doubt you want Freddy Krueger’s beefed up jacking arm wrapped around you. Speaking of my dusty, crusty, rusty self, mind if we run some errands tomorrow? I’ll be needing a new suit unless everyone just wants to stare at Satan’s red headed step child.”

“You can go by yourself you know?” Peter tried and Wade rolled his eyes.

“I could, but that’s no fun and I’m pretty sure if Iron-Romeo sees me wondering around without you my ass will be grass and he’ll be the lawn mower.”

“So where are we going? Your place?” Peter asked as he walked towards the fire escape to climb down.

“No, a friends. He actually might be able to give us some help with our little “Who Dun It” mystery. “ Wade said. “And you’ve gotta talk to your guy don’t you?”

“No, a friends. He actually might be able to give us some help with our little “Who Dun It” mystery. “ Wade said. “And you’ve gotta talk to your guy don’t you?”

“Yeah, I’ve got to find him first though.” Peter climbed down the escape and Wade followed.

“Is he a super?”

“Vigilante.” Peter jumped off the ladder to the ground and groaned as pain throbbed through his leg. “I wish my leg would just  _ heal _ already.”

“It’s not going to if you keep using excessively, like crawling up the sides of buildings to get away from people who are trying to help you—  _ ow _ .”

Peter punched Wade’s new arm as they walked back to Peter’s apartment side by side.

Wade knew everything now, so Peter abandoned his original plan of sending him on a wild goose chase. He was fine with it though, because now he felt a  million  times better. There wasn’t a plan B, but with Peter there never was. If plan A didn’t work he improvised. Hopefully this worked out better than all the other free styles in the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m considering writing a bonus chapter about Peter and Wade meeting... Hmmmm. See y’all in a few days!


	9. A Familiar Fiend and Fuck Buddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade visits Weasel and they roast the fuck out of each other then they head over to Hell’s Kitchen for some team Red time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me after the last chapter: “Now that that’s outta the way, wanna see my renegade?”
> 
> Side note: This version of Daredevil is closer to the comic book version of him, so thirty times the sex drive.
> 
> For anyone who wants it my Spideypool blog is @peter-parker-picked-a-patch I post dumb ship shit on there 👉👈

Peter’s eyes flew open and he jerked himself into a sitting position.

**_ Beep beep beep be- _ **

Peter reached over and turned off his alarm.

_ I don’t know what’s more annoying. _ Peter thought rubbing the sleep from his eyes.  _ The sound of the alarm, or waking up right before it goes off. _

Peter laid back down with a yawn and starred up at his ceiling with lidded eyes.

After last night with Wade, they’d gone back to Peter’s place. Wade took a shower and Peter text May before heading to bed. All in all, an uneventful post break down hang out.

_ “I want too help you figure all of this out.” _ That’s what Wade had said. That whole conversation seemed like a fever dream. Peter still could quite decipher how he felt about all of it, but he knew after last night he felt  better.

Peter’s phone buzzed and he rolled over on his side to check the notifications.

_ Text from Aunt May: Don’t forget about dinner tonight! _

Peter closed his eyes and he sighed deeply. He didn’t know if he had the emotional capacity for dinner tonight. Peter drafted a text to cancel the dinner and reschedule when he was in a better head space, but then May text again.

_ Text from Aunt May: It’s been so long since I’ve gotten to see you! Bring you laundry with you. Lord knows it needs some cleaning. _

A small smile graced Peter’s face and he laughed through his nose. He deleted his text to cancel, and instead text back.

_ 6:30 Can’t wait to finally have some clean socks! _

Peter groaned while his joints popped as he rolled out of bed. Peter stood up and the first thing he noticed was the pain in his leg. It was nothing more than a dull ache now.

Peter crept out of his room as quietly as he could and into the kitchen.

In the living-room Wade was passed out on the couch again. This time though Peter had supplied him with a pillow and some blankets. Wade was a clump of tangled limbs,of which that cluster consisted from a freshly regrown arm to Peter’s relief. 

Peter continued to tip-toe around the kitchen and make coffee, trying not to wake Wade, but that was fruitless. The second Peter set a mug on the counter top Wade sat up suddenly, mask on this time, and looked around the room. He relaxed when he saw Peter in the kitchen and rubbed the back of his head with his new arm.

“Good morning, bed head.” He said.

Peter pulled down another mug. “How’s the new arm?”

Wade looked at said new arm and flexed his finger.

“Just as scarred and mangled as usual.” Wade got up off the couch and popped his back.

“So, you’re friends place.” Peter started and the coffee maker whizzed to life, “Where’s it at?”

Wade wondered over to the kitchen, stepping over piles of clutter as he went. “It’s a bar that he owns called Sister Margaret’s.”

Peter hummed. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“If you had I’d be concerned.”

“Where’s it at?” 

Wade dug through the cabinets fro something to eat. “Brownsville Brooklyn.”

Peter paused and looked at Wade with a raised eyebrow. “Brownsville New York?”

“The shadiest place on the planet? Yeah.” Wade produced a box of Pop-tarts from the cabinets and checked the date on them before pulling out a pack,

“What kind of business does this guy run??” Peter poured coffee into his mug and some into the other.

“It’s a bar for mercenaries.” Wade grabbed the other mug from Peter and rolled his mask up before taking a sip.

Peter made a face at Wades words as he mixed cream and sugar into his coffee and Wade just shrugged.

“Hate to say it Petey-pie, but not everyone is as angelic as I. People gotta make money, but hey, Weasel can help us see if anyone has a hit on you.”

Peter sipped from his own mug and leaned back on the counter. “His name is Weasel?”

“That’s what he told me. Guy’s got a million aliases, but weasel fits him best. He’s very weasel like. We should probably head over there before traffic gets too bad, otherwise it’s a thirty minute car ride and I’m gonna need to take a hot shit after this coffee.”

Peter sweat and narrowed his eyes disgusted. “Guess I’ll go get ready.”

Peter took a few more swigs of coffee before setting his now empty mug in the sink and heading back to his room. He slipped on a cleanish pair of jeans and a grey ESU sweatshirt with yellow lettering over a navy long-sleeve shirt. From there he slipped into the bathroom, brushed his hair and teeth, shoved on a pair of old chucks, and topped it off with his web shooters.

Wade was already ready for the most part. There wasn’t much for him to do outside of slip on his boots and slide his coat on, then they were out the door and hailing a cab. Even though they only spent a few minutes outside, Peter was already shivering from the frigid winter air.

“Want my coat again?” Wade offered as Peter climbed into the cab.

“You’re missing a sleeve on your suit. I’ll survive.”

“Awww, you’re worried about my well being.”

“Do you want frost bite?”

“No.” Wade pouted.

“Then be quiet.” Peter’s phone went off in his bag and he pulled it out to find another text from May.

_ Text from Aunt May: Is Wade still coming tonight? _

Peter stared at the text then glanced over at Wade.

“Are you actually going to come to dinner tonight?” Peter asked. “If you don’t want to I get it, I’ll come up with an excuse for you.”

Wade put his hands in his pockets and leaned back in his seat. “Hmmm, do you not want me to?”

“I... Honestly, I don’t mind, but May doesn’t know I’m Spider-man and having you follow me round in full costume might freak her out, if you know what I’m getting at?”

“Baby boy, I think my face would freak her out more than that.”

“She wont care, Wade.” Peter said and Wade gave him a skeptical look making Peter sigh. “I’ll let you think about it.”

Peter text May back,

_ I’ll let you know. _

“So what about your secret friend? The one that apparently knows your identity. You two must be very  very  close. Are you cheating on me?”

“I didn’t really have any control over him finding out.” Peter crossed his arms. “We met in and out of costume really close together, and he connected the dots.”

“I could have done the same.” Wade huffed. “If I had a side by side comparison.”

Peter looked at wade with his eyes lidded and his eyebrows raised. “Sure you could have.”

“Wait, fucking, how does the  _ Hulk _ know your identity?”

“Okay that,  that  is definitely on me.” Peter shook his head. “I was literally just chilling with the Hulk, living my childhood dream and he asked if he could see my face. I didn’t see the problem with that so I just told him and thought that would be the end of the story, because I didn’t know that the Hulk was like, something that someone turned into. I thought he was his own guy, but nope.” Peter shrugged with his hands. 

“I got the Stark internship and met Dr. Banner, who first day, pulled me to the side and told me that he was the Hulk and told me he knew I was Spider-man. Literally some of his first words to me were “I’m Hulk and you’re Spider-man” and I almost shit my pants.”

Wade threw his head back on the head rest and laughed. 

“Then he had to stop me from spiraling, something he does a lot, just, it wasn’t a very good introduction.”

The cab pulled to a stop and this time Peter paid for their ride.

“I see  you’re  playing the roll of Sugar daddy today. The luxury.”

Peter swat at him as Wade rounded the car. “I’m just paying you back.”

“You should spend your minimum wage pay on more important things, like milk that isn’t expired. Made that mistake last night.”

Peter curled his nose and made a gagging noise. “I’ll get more milk.”

Wade lead the rest of the way and the more back ways and alleys they went through, the more unsettled Peter became. 

“My place is first class living compared to this.” Peter commented.

“A barrel full of diseased rats is better than this place, actually, they’re about the same.”

Wade stopped in front of a set of poorly lit stairs going down to a pair of red double doors, above them was a sign that read  _ “Sister Margaret’s School for Wayward Children.” _

_ That’s such a weird name for a bar.  _ Peter thought as Wade made his way down the stairs and tried to open the doors.

“Is it even open this early? Bars usually don’t open until like 11 or 12.” Peter said.

His suspicions were confirmed when the door didn’t open for Wade.

“Well this bar is open for me 24/7. Come on.” Wade marched back up the stairs and tugged Peter with him around the back of the building down a slope to another set of stairs. Wade dug through his belt and pulled out a weirdly misshapen key that he shoved roughly into the lock and hit with his fist. After some wiggling, the lock clicked and Wade opened the door.

“Voilà!” Wade made a grand gesture to the door and dug his bump key out of the lock.

“Did you just break the lock?” Peter asked and followed Wade inside. Wade waved him off and buzzed his lips.

“I’ll buy him a new one. I wouldn’t have to if he would give me his key. It’s like he’s trying to keep me out!”

“I think he is.” 

“Well, that’s on him.”

They walked from the back of the store in the storage rooms to the front where the bar was. It was completely empty except for a scruffy middle aged man with glasses and a track suit sitting in one of the booths on a laptop.

Wade snuck up behind him slowly and quietly, then grabbed the man’s shoulders.

“Weasel-!”

“AH-“

Weasel jumped and whipped out a hand gun and screamed as he fired rapidly. Wade ducked behind the booth seat and Peter hit the floor.

“Weasel it’s me! Quit it you fuck!”

Weasel stopped shooting and breathed heavily, his glasses askew. He looked from Peter to Wade and put his gun on the table with a relieved sigh.

“Wade you personified cum sock, what the fuck are you doing here?!” Weasel wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

Wade stood up from his spot behind the booth and Peter got up too.

“That’s no way to greet a friend. What happen to hi? How are you? Are you looking forward to the holidays?”

“You broke into my bar you failed elementary school science experiment!” 

“Well my greasy pot bellied friend, I wouldn’t have to if you gave me a  key. ”

“Not happening Sloth looking mother fucker.”

“Alright Mommy’s happy accident, where’s the suit that I keep here? Up in your place?”

Weasel scowled at Wade as Wade walked past him to a set of closed off stairs.

“It’s where you left it, solidified toe jam.”

“Thanks skid mark.” Wade hopped over the rope separating what was presumably Weasel’s apartment from the bar. He loudly ran up the steps and Weasel mumbled a few more insults his way before turning on Peter with an unimpressed look. Peter suddenly felt _very_ awkward.

“You’re new.” Weasel said and sat back down at his laptop. “You two sleeping together?”

“No.” Peter blurted out quickly. ”No, no, no.”

“That’s four no’s making it a positive. You do it with the mask on or off? Always been curious about that. Been a while since he brought a  _ guy  _ over though.” Weasel typed on his computer, not really paying attention to Peter, which Peter was thankful for because his face was burning.

“We’re just friends. No benefits.”

Weasel laughed and looked back at Peter over his glasses. “Wade doesn’t have those.”

There was the sound of a door closing and Wade thumped back down the stairs in new clothes and judging by the glove on his left hand, a new suit. His outfit was a fairly similar to the one he’d had on the other day. Sweat pants and a sweatshirt with his coat, but this time he had a duffle bag with him.

“Why didn’t you just get a suit from your place instead of bothering me.” Weasel turned his attention away from Peter to Wade as he stood and walked over to the front doors and unlocked them and switched the sign to say open.

“Maybe I just wanted to see my favorite hermit.” Wade said. “Also I need to know if there’s a hit on Peter.”

“There it is.” Weasel said and brought his laptop behind the counter. Wade sat at the bar and Peter sat silently next to him.

“Full name?” Weasel asked monotone.

“Peter Benjamin Parker.” Peter said and bounced his leg anxiously.

“Alright, gimme a sec.” Weasel mumbled and pulled a flash-drive out of his pocket and plugged it into his laptop. Weasel typed furiously and clicked his tongue before saying. “Okay, well, there was definitely a hit on you that I assigned, sorry not sorry, like ten people tried to take that hit, but I have no idea who was actually hired.”

“Okay, well, fuck me I guess. I know you can figure it out Weasel, so do it.” Wade said leaning forward.

“I could figure it out, but that’s a lot of extra work that I don’t really wanna do.” Weasel shrugged and Wade gawked at him.

“I could kill you right now.” Wade pointed out, but Weasel didn’t seem bothered. 

“You could, but you won’t. At least not with a witness.” Weasel gestured to Peter and Wade sputtered. As they bickered like a pair of siblings a group of 5 to 6 people came in all at once and spread out through the bar. None of them seemed to carry any ill will and violent intentions because Peter’s Spidey-sense didn’t trigger, but his heart-rate did spike when he saw a certain someone.

Peter’s eyes widened and he hit Wade’s arm. “Wade.”

“Uno momento papi, I am trying to deal with this rat faced whore-“

“The chick who tried to kill me is here.” Peter said without taking his eyes off of her as she sat down at a table and pulled out her phone.

Wade snapped his head around and stared at the woman. Weasel looked from Wade to the woman then back to Wade.

“Wilson, do not start shit in my bar at fucking 11 am-“

But Weasel didn’t have to worry about Wade, because Peter was already on the move. 

Pete leaned on the table casually, with a calm expression, and put his other hand on his hip. “Hey, remember me?”

The woman looked up from her phone and her face went blank when she saw Peter, and not long after she spotted Wade as well. There was a second of hesitation then she made a beak for the door.

“Uh, no.” Peter said and grabbed her by the wrist and twisted her arm behind her back before pinning her against the wall, the same way she had done to him a few days ago. Off to the side Wade clapped and cheered him on. “That was hot. I’m not the only one who thinks that, right? Get ‘er Pete!”

Weasel banged his head on the counter. The other patrons didn’t pay any mind to the scuffle, this was probably something that happened all the time.

The woman tried to push Peter off of her, but he kept a firm grip.

“Can we just talk?” She asked still trying to wiggle away.

Peter narrowed his eyes and nodded. “Oh, of course! My bad! I completely over reacted to the situation!” His tone was thick with sarcasm and he heard Wade stifle a laugh from the counter.

“The hit on you was cancelled, so I’m not going to try and kill you. Just hear me out.”

Peter debated the possible consequences, but figured the woman was at a disadvantage anyways, so he released her. He sat down at the table and gestured for her to sit as well while Wade joined them. The woman stared at Wade for a moment before saying, “Didn’t I kill you?”

Wade nodded. “You did.”

The woman looked beyond confused. “... I... Alright?” She sighed then looked back to Peter who was glaring daggers at her.

“By the way, my leg hurts like a mother fucker.” Peter added. “Now explain yourself.”

“There was a hit on you, I got hired, it was a quick cash grab. Since I failed to kill you on the first go round, the hit was cancelled.

“What about when you tried to mug me?” Peter asked

“She tried to mug you?” Wade asked.

“Tried being the key word.” Peter didn’t take his eyes off of the woman.”

“Listen, that was a completely different employer. I just though it was a coincidence.”

“Give me some names.” Wade pressed.

“Darrius Turner and Mellisa Storm.” She said.

_ I don’t recognize either of those names.  _ Peter thought and he sighed.

Wade turned around in his seat and looked to Weasel. “Did you get that?”

“Yeah.” Weasel called back already typing and Wade rejoined him at the bar, hovering over his shoulder.

“Uh... Dude sorry about trying to kill you, and the mugging to.” The woman tried and Peter fought the urge to roll his eyes.

_ Would it be weird to not forgive her?  _ Peter wondered and to avoid further conversation and awkward tension he just nodded. “Water under the bridge.” He stood up from the table and walked back to his place at the bar.

 _ If the bridge was the Golden-gate bridge and the water was the Sahara dessert.  _ Peter thought.

“Okay,” Weasel straightened his glasses. “She worked for two middle men who worked for the same middle man, who worked for Fisk... This is a long and pointless trail of people.”

“Kingpin?” Peter thought aloud and he felt shocked.

Wade looked over at Peter. “Would he know?”

“If he does, I have no idea why.” Peter shook his head and rubbed his temples. “I need to find Matt.”

“Why are we speaking in code. I would like to be let into the inner circle please.” Weasel asked and closed his laptop.

Peter pulled out his phone and scrolled back through his contacts then scrolled back through his old messages with Matt.

_ Text from Matt: I work at Nelson and Murdock Law office in Hell’s Kitchen. Stop by anytime you want, I’ll clear my schedule for you. _

Peter saved the message and put his phone back in his bag. “Thanks, Weasel, sorry about breaking in. Wade let’s go.”

“Okay I guess we’re just going to ignore me.” Weasel said.

Peter grabbed Wade’s arm and tugged him up and out of the bar.

“Where to now?” Wade asked.

“Hell’s Kitchen.” Peter said, already shivering. He needed to invest in a coat, but coats were expensive so he’d just have to suffer.

_ Matt said he dealt with Fisk all the time, so maybe he knows something about this? God, I hope so.  _ Peter stuffed his hands into his pockets trying to keep his fingers from freezing.

“Do you want my coat  _now_? ” Wade asked leaning on Peter a little. he was warm.

Peter muttered to himself nothing really coherent, just angry noises.  “Yes.” He said and Wade gave him his coat immediately.  Peter zipped up the coat and melted into the warmth that Wade’s body had left.

Wade looped his thumbs under his belt and nodded to himself. “I’ve decided I’m revoking your sugar daddy card and returning it to myself. I’m going to buy you a coat on the way to Gordon Ramsay’s armpit.”

Peter hailed another cab and they climbed in. “No, don’t. I don’t like hand outs.”

“You don’t have a choice~” Wade sang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wade wasn’t kidding when he said he going to buy Peter a coat. A few blocks away from Hell’s Kitchen, Wade stopped the cab driver in front of a retail shop and ran inside. He bought a coat in what was hopefully Peter’s size, threw a hundred at the cashier, and ran out.

Peter, even though his cheeks were reds and he was shivering, found the energy to chastise Wade and try to deny his generous offer, but after some convincing, Peter took the coat and gave Wade his back. Peter gave Wade some money in return for the coat, but Wade decided he would just leave the money in Pete’s apartment later for him to find.

Now Wade was following Peter around midtown Manhattan, and neither of them really knew where they were going, they just knew it was somewhere close to Hell’s Kitchen and was a small law office.

“What’s it called?” Wade asked looking around at all of the street signs.

“Nelson and Murdock law office.” Peter said squinting down the street. “I’ve never been there.”

_Huh_ ,  Wade thought.  _ Why does that sound familiar? _

** We have a lot of run ins with the law. We may have visited in the past? **

_ Y’know. Copyright right and all. You can’t say anything without getting sued! _

** Which is horrible for us since out humor is reference humor. **

Peter breathed into his hands to warm them up a bit as they crossed the street.

_ You know who’s hands are warm? Our hands. We should hold Peter’s hands. _

** How would we walk? **

_ I don’t know, but figure it out. _

“Shut up.” Wade muttered.

_ I’m just saying what we’re all thinking. _

“Maybe so, but shut the fuck up. It’s serious time.”

“Serious time?” Peter repeated with a quiet laugh. 

Wade shrugged, and felt oddly embarrassed. “I’m trying.”

Peter paused then added, “...You don’t have to be “serious” if you don’t want to.”

“I  _ never  _ want to darling doo, but my Ronchi humor doesn’t exactly fit the situation.”

“That’s fine.” Peter said with a shrug, “I like your jokes, also you being the mature one is freaking me out. Make a sex joke or something, please.” 

“I stopped listening after you said you liked my jokes. You like my jokes?” Wade leaned in closer to Peter, who leaned away.

“ _Some _ of them.” Peter mumbled.

Wade grinned under his mask. “Apparently you like my suggestive jokes. What does that say about you Peter Peter pumpkin eater?”

Wade couldn’t tell if Peter was blushing or if his face was flushed from the cold, but either way his face was red. 

“Nevermind, go back to being serious.” Peter groaned, but Wade could tell he didn’t mean it.

“Now I have to think of more ass jokes. I’ll have to get creative, I’ve already used a lot on you-“

“Oh, look we’re here!” Peter stopped abruptly and Wade almost ran him over. Wade looked around and yeah, this place was insanely familiar. 

** Okay, well, we weren’t here for legal reasons. **

_ White, please help, I don’t know where we are. Please just tell me. _

Then it hit Wade and he put his hands on his hips as he looked at the address on the sign next to the door.  _ Oh,  _ He thought. _ Ooooh. _

_ Well, don’t keep me in the dark here! _

** You’ll figure it out. **

_ White, I’m stupid, please just tell me. _

Peter opened the front door and Wade followed him into the warm law office. Wade rolled his shoulders and popped his neck as he followed Peter up to a front desk where a blonde woman sat with her legs crossed reading over a newspaper. As the pair approached her desk she set down the newspaper and looked up at Peter. “Hi, do you have an appointment-?”

One of the doors down the hall behind her opened and a man with red tinted sunglasses in a suit walked out with a cane. He faced Wade and Peter then grinned widely. Wade sweat under his coat, but didn’t move to take it off.

_ Never mind, I remember. _

** I told you you would. **

“Peter Parker.” The man placed a hand on his hip and his grin just grew wider. “How the hell have you been?”

“Hey, Matt.” Peter’s voice cracked. “Sorry, I probably should have given you a heads up that I was coming.”

Matt walked down the hall to greet Peter and grabbed his hands. Peter’s face flushed.

Wade’s stomach churned and he crossed his arms.  _ Well, I don’t like that.  _ He thought.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s really good to see you-! Well, you know.” He laughed and Peter smiled. “It’s been a while, what are you doing here?”

“Um, well...” Peter looked off to the side and Matt squeezed his hands gently with a hum.

“Let’s talk in my office.” He said as he let go of Peter’s hands and lead him and Wade back to the door he’d just came out of, presumably his office.

Matt hadn’t said the first thing to Wade, or really even acknowledged his presence, and he seemed to be fairly fond of Peter which Wade was pretty sure he  hated.

Matt leaned his cane against the wall as he sat down behind his desk, and Wade joined Peter in one of the cushioned seats.

“Do you want anything to drink? I’ve got tea, coffee, water, you can have whatever.” Matt folded his hands and leaned forward on his desk.

“No, I’m good.” Peter slid his coat off. “So, I need to talk to you.”

“Skip the pleasantries and straight to business.” Matt sighed, “First off, what can I and can’t I say?” Matt gestured to Wade.

Wade leaned back in his seat with crossed arms and narrowed eyes. “I know.” Wade said shortly and Matt and looked a little shocked. Eyebrows up and lips pursed. 

“So, Pete are you just handing out your credentials now?” Matt turned to Peter who sputtered.

“No, no, he figured it out on his own. This is Deadpool.” Peter said and Matt smirked as he began tapping on the desk top with a pencil in his hand.

“Wade Wilson. I know who he is.” Matt said. “We’re well acquainted.”

_ Okay, well, I guess he doesn’t care about being low profile.  _ Wade thought. “I thought you were just going to ignore me the whole time.”

“You’re pretty hard to ignore.” Matt scratched his nose.

Peter looked between them with confusion. “You two... know each other?”

“In and out of suit. “Wade said with a shrug and crossed his legs. Peter just stared at him with question in his eyes and Wade made a high pitched noise in his throat. “We had a little bit of a thing a few years ago.”

Matt scoffed. “ _Little?_ ”

Peter’s eyes grew wide and his ears tinted pink. “Do what?”

“We met because he was looking for you actually.” Matt said still smirking. “I can see he was successful in his search.”

Wade realized something and sat forward, glaring at Matt. “Wait a damn minute, this means that when I asked if you knew where he was you lied to me.”

Matt shook his head. “No, no, no. I didn’t. You asked  _ where  _ not  _ who _ . Very different things. As many times as I’ve tried to go back to Pete’s place, I don’t know where he lives or works.”

Wade’s mouth hung open and he slumped back in his seat, the cheap leather creaking under his weight, and sighed. “I hate lawyers.”

Peter looked like he was about to suffocate in his own awkward air then he finally chocked out, “Cool.”

“ _Anyways_ ,” Matt rolled his hand in a circular motion, “Back to business. Peter?”

Peter shook his head a little and looked back to Matt. “Yeah, um, Fisk put a hit on me the other day, and I was wondering if there was any way that you could have let my identity slip?”

“Peter you wound me, of course not. That’s not really something that just comes up in conversation either.” Matt said.

Peter roughed up his hair. “Yeah, people keep saying that.”

Matt hummed. “Actually now that we’re on the topic, since you left the scene I’ve been struggling to keep Fisk under wraps. He made the impossible happen and he made amends with Martin Li.”

“Mr. Negative?” Peter asked and Matt nodded.

“Our two mob bosses now work under a similar boss. Whoever managed to pull that off is a genius, but a pain in my ass. I have no idea who it could be. There’s too many middle men floating around right now.”

“Negative tried to attack me at Stark Towers the other day.” Peter said and again Matt nodded. 

“I heard about that.”

Wade blinked and turned to Peter. “Whoever is in charge of thing 1 and thing 2 now is probably the person who knows your identity and knows you know about the cover up.”

Peter groaned and rubbed his eyes, “But that still doesn’t clear up  who  just means I need to be watching my back all the damn time-“

“Cover up?” Matt asked with a raised eyebrow. 

Peter bit his tongue and ignored the question to which Matt just sighed.

“Alright, well, if you’d like I can look more into this Fisk thing in my free time.” Matt said.

“If you don’t mind that would be great.” Peter sounded relieved.

“Anything for you Peter.” Matt hummed. “I think it would be a good idea for you to lay low for a while, so no Stark Towers, I’m sure Stark will understand. Just for the next couple of days or so. Never know who’s watching especially now that you’ve set foot in here with Pool. Fisk has eyes all over the damn place and there’s no way that somebody  didn’t  see you. I know you can take care of yourself, but be careful.”

“I can do that for a few days.” Peter nodded. “Mr. Stark should-”

Peter’s phone began to ring and he fished it out of his bag. Matt tilted his head towards Wade and leaned back in his seat.

“Sorry-“ Peter said.

“It’s alright you should take it.” Matt said.

Peter looked between Matt and Wade again then stood up and walked out of the room with his phone, leaving the lawyer and the mercenary alone.

Wade bounced his leg almost nervously, “So, you’re a lawyer.”

Matt chuckled. “Did that not come up?”

“ Never once did you mention being a lawyer.” Wade huffed.

“What am I going to do? Use your dick size against you?”

“You couldn’t even if you tried.”

“True... Peter seems to like you. He smells like you.”

Wade blinked. “Fucking, weirdest thing you could have said there. Jealous?”

Matt hummed and moved his head from side to side. “Only a little. I’m surprised you found him.”

Wade rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Yeah, no thanks to you Mr. Don’t See Don’t Tell.”

Matt laughed loudly and fixed his glasses. He paused then licked his lips, “Wade, what’s your end game plan for all of this?”

“Matty, I’m winging it here. I found out he was Spider-man literally yesterday.”

Matt hummed and nodded before folding his hands together again. “...Do you think you can convince him to come back?”

Wade blinked. “...Honestly have no clue.”

“Is that even in the plan?”

“Again. There’s not a plan. The thought did cross my mind though.”

Matt rubbed his scarred and mangled knuckles thoughtfully. “Give it a shot... Because we’re dying out there without him.” Matt said quietly, and Peter poked his head back into the room.

“Sorry, that was my aunt.”

Wade considered something for a moment then smirked to himself still looking at Matt.  _ I’m definitely going to rub this in.  _ He thought.

“Was she calling about dinner?” Wade asked and Matt turned his head towards him.

“Of course.” Peter rolled his eyes. “It’s only 2 and she’s already antsy.”

Wade stood up and stretched. “Well, we shouldn’t keep the lady waiting should we?”

“We-?” Peter looked up at Wade with surprise. “Are you coming?”

“Might as well.”Wade shrugged and from behind him he could hear Matt click his tongue.

“Well, it would seem the  two of you have somewhere you need to be, so I won’t keep you here.” Matt pushed his chair back and stood as well. Matt walked them out to the sidewalk. Peter was in the middle of saying good-bye to Matt when he was pulled into a suspiciously long hug by Wades accounts.

“Next time don’t wait three years to come visit me! I told you I’ll always make time for you.” Matt said and let go of Peter who’s cheeks were glowing red. Matt turned to Wade and grabbed his arm with a small squeeze.

“You too.” Matt said.

“Who knows!” Wade said. “Christmas is just around the corner. Might need someone to spend the night with.”

“I’ll be here.” Matt huffed. “It was good to have you over, I’ll be in touch.” and Matt headed back inside.

“Alright,” Peter sighed and walked over to the curb to hail another cab.

“Let’s get ready for dinner I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys I was so nervous about the reception of the last chapter, and I was ecstatic that you guys loved it! Thank you so much for almost 2,000 hits!!!


	10. I’m Afraid of Commitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s dinner time! And time for Wade to questions his intentions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey I took a little break to prepare for Halloween and I’ve been getting ready to move too. All of the on top of work, I just had no time to write, so this is a this is a filler chapter.

Peter pulled out a box of trash a bags from the disorganized cabinets under the kitchen sink, while Wade sat splayed out on the couch scrolling through channels on the TV.

“I  _ can’t  _ believe you only have cable. And it’s not even  _ good _ cable.” Wade complained and spread out more on the couch. “I’m logging into my Netflix, this is ridiculous. This is a first world country, and I deserve high class entertainment.”

“Sorry I’m living in low income housing and can’t afford the luxury of a monthly subscription.” Peter rolled his eyes as he started gathering up any dirty clothes he stumbled across and shoved them in the plastic bags.

“Jesus Christ is the work you do for Stark charity work or something?”

“All of that money goes towards paying off my college loans and rent. Sometimes food, as a little treat for myself. Streaming services are not on my list of essentials.”

Wade hummed. “That’s why you have me. I can show you the wonderful world of binge watching.” Wade said and began the long process of typing in log in information with a remote.

_ I hope Matt finds something soon.  _ Peter thought and tied off one of the bags before making his way to his room, where the majority of the dirty laundry lived. 

_ It was nice to see him, it’s been a while. I forgot how  ** touchy  ** he is though.  _ Peter thought as he gathered up his clothes. “Not that I mind.” He said aloud to himself. 

While he recalled the earlier events of the day, Pete’s mind wondered back to the conversation between he, Matt and Wade.

_ “You two know each other?” _

_ “In and out of suit... We had a little bit of a thing a few years ago.” _

In that moment Peter had gone bug eyed and felt oddly intrusive, a little hot under the collar. Wade hadn’t exactly gone into detail about his relationship with Matt, but the fact that there had  been  a relationship between them was enough. Admittedly, Peter had been thinking about it since the conversation, and he couldn’t  stop thinking about it.

Peter tied off the second bag and wondered back into the main living area. He did a once over, checking for anymore clothes, then tossed the stuffed bags next to the front door.

“...So,” Peter started and rubbed his neck. “You and Matt?”

“Huh? Oh!” Wade looked back at Peter, the eyes of his mask wide. “Matty? Yes, yes, that. What are you asking exactly? For the nitty gritty details, or what kind of relationship it was? Because I will tell you both.”

“Never mind.” Peter waved an arm around, but Wade continued.

“Matt and I were just fuck buddies. Nothing else really. We met up pretty frequently for a while there, then he got kinda busy, we stopped talking, and that was that. That man has  _ crazy  _ sex drive. He’s a cutey. Looking a little worse for wear, but I’d still hit it. Why? Interested in my sex life? Are you interested in his?”

Peter made a face and sighed. “No, just... Curious I guess?”

“What about your sex life?” Wade asked casually and Peter reached over the back of the couch and punched the others arm,  _hard_.

“Ow!” Wade rubbed the sore spot and glared at Peter. “You asked me about mine, so I asked about yours! Are we not there yet, or are you actually a virgin and it’s a touchy subject? Because if so I can offer some assistance.”

“Wade, shut up.”

“Kidding! Kidding... Unless-?”

With another swift punch to Wade’s arm, Peter could feel his neck, ears, and face get warmer. Instead of answering the question, he began digging through piles of clutter while he grumbled to himself.

“What are you looking for?” Wade asked watching Peter.

“My glasses.” Peter said and started checking around the TV stand. “Once I find them we can head out.”

“You wear glasses?”

“No- Well, I used to before I got powers. Before the spider bite I had terrible vision.”

“Haha nerd. So if you don’t need them, why are you looking for them?”

“Because,” Peter moved back to the kitchen and began rummaging through the drawers, “May thinks I wear glasses. I would tell her I’m just wearing contacts, but she won’t buy that; I hate contacts.” Peter got on his toes and checked the top of the fridge. “So, I just wear my glasses whenever I see her.”

“You’ve got this whole secret identity thing down to a T.”

“Yeah and it’s exhausting- Where the hell did I put my glasses?”

_ I can’t even remember the last time I had them so they could literally be anywhere.  _ Peter huffed and started looking through his bookshelves.  _ If I’ve actually lost them, May will tell me to get another pair and I don’t have the money for that. I hate being poor! Oh well, who doesn’t? _

Peter looked high and low for his old glasses. In cabinets, drawers, boxes, the trash, under the couch, anywhere he could think of, but he had no luck. He found a 50 in the silverware drawer though, so that was a plus.

“Soooo, if I can’t ask about your sex life, how about dating life? That seems a little more civil.” Wade asked putting his hands in his pockets.

Peter was preoccupied retracing his steps from the last time he wore his glasses to argue against the topic, so he just went with it. What was the harm?

“Sure, but there isn’t much to talk about.” Peter went back to his room, still in ear shot of Pool, and looked up at the ceiling.  _ Did I put them with my suit?? _ Peter climbed up on his bed and moved the ceiling tile.

“I’ve dated like three people my whole life.” Peter started as he dug around in the duffel bag he kept up in the ceiling, “I dated my friend MJ in high school, and that ended after like two months. Blah blah blah, we were better off as friends, yatta yatta yatta, we broke up. Nothing changed between us thankfully, were still close friends actually.”

_They’re not here either damn it._ Peter zipped the bag shut and moved the tile back in place before heading over to the bathroom to look.

“Then I tried dating this guy my senior year of high school, he was an ass, we broke up before it got too serious.  Then I dated this girl in my freshman science class from college named Gwen. We were actually together for a  _ while  _ then she came out to me as gay and obviously we broke up. She works for S.H.I.E.L.D. now I’m pretty sure?”

“Good for her!” Wade called, “Rough for you. That’s happened to me a few times and every fucking time I’m like “Did I turn her gay??” But then I remember that’s not a thing, but the thought still lingers.”

“But that’s it for me dating wise. Very uneventful.”

“How old are you? 21?”

“23. I graduated college a year ago.”

Peter could hear Wade hum thoughtfully from the other room and could  feel  him thinking of something dumb to say. 

And he did.

“So, what I’m hearing is, you’re very out of the game and are easily wooed?”

Peter blank faced and poked his head out into the hall. “That’s not what you’re hearing at all.”

“But I’m right.” Wade pointed at him from the couch.

“I still have standards.” Peter crossed his arms. He squinted his eyes thoughtfully and walked over to the couch, standing in front of the TV. “Hop up they might be under the cushions.”

“Ho baby if they’re under my butt they are absolutely broken.” Wade peered around Peter at the TV.

“All the more reason you should get up.” Peter said as he tossed Wade off the couch effortlessly. Wade tumbled to the floor with a solid thud and just lay there mumbling.

“Hey,” Wade said from the floor, “What about Harry?”

Peter flung the cushions off of the couch, hitting Wade with a few of them in the process. “What about him?”

“Well, the past three days of my life have revolved around him and all I know is that he was a rich white boy with daddy issues and a prescription.”

Peter actually laughed at that. If anyone other than Wade had said that though, he probably would have been pissed.

Peter began feeling around the couch as he talked. “Harry, MJ, and me were all best friends in high school, but I’ve known Harry a lot longer.” Peter said. “Er, knew.

“Harry and I met at a science camp in elementary school, and we hit it off. He was good enough at science, he really like engineering, but he was more of an arts person. We kind of complicated each other’s personalities, so from then on we were hardly ever apart. For the rest of elementary school and all of middle school he was my best friend until we met MJ. Then I got really busy with college. Harry planned to go to ESU with me, but his health got in the way and Norman wouldn’t let him start right out of high school.  _ Then  _ everything with Norman happened, and then... Everything with Harry.”

“That’s a long time to be best friends.” Wade said. “Judging from... Well, everything, you two were close. Like _really_ close. _Insanely_ close.”

“We were.” Peter said quietly and started putting the cushions back on the couch. No glasses.

“Were the two of you like...?” Wade stood up off the floor and dust himself off. 

Peter froze as he placed the last cushion back in place, but he was honest. “No... Almost.”

“Hey! Your glasses!”

Peter turned to Wade, who had Pete’s old glasses in his gloved hands. “Right here on the floor. Always in the last place you’d look huh?”

“The middle of the floor?” Peter asked skeptically and took his glasses from Wade before sliding them onto his face. “Thanks. Are you ready to go?”

“Haha, no~” Wade chimed.

Wade had gone ahead and taken off his suit earlier, when they got back to Peter’s apartment, but he still had on his mask. 

On the way back to Pete’s place, Peter had listened to Wade mumble to himself (or the weird voices in his head) about his appearance. It was mostly self-deprecating jokes like “I look like a naked cat that went through a meat grinder.” Or “I look like an angsty middle schoolers hand held eraser that they stab all the time.” And though Peter found himself cackling at a few of them, he’d told enough jokes about self hatred to know it was masking something deeper. Pun intended.

“How about a ski mask?” Wade raised his eyebrows, “People wear those casually I’m pretty sure. Saw a group of guys wearing them to the bank the other day.”

“Wade those were criminals.” Peter said flatly.

Wade blinked. “My bad. I was preoccupied by Pokémon Go. I would have caught on had there not been an Eevee across the street.” Wade shrugged, “Okay what if I’m just making a fashion statement? Like a plague doctors mask. Teens are all over that stuff.”

Peter scrunched his nose up then he sighed and his expression softened. “Wade, if you really don’t want to come, you don’t have to. It’s  _okay_. ”

Wade waved him off. “Too late I already rubbed it in Matt’s face I have to commit to it now. Because next time I see that fucker he is  _ absolutely  _ going to ask me how it went, and you can’t lie to him. I found that out the hard way.

_ Why would Matt care-??  _ Peter shook his head.

“You know maybe I’m cosplaying? What does May think of cosplayers? What is her stance on anime?”

While Wade rambled mindlessly, trying and failing to stall, Peter’s eyes wondered around his apartment and an idea struck him. He trudged back over to his dining set up in the corner of the kitchen and looked through all of the science equipment he had left lying out. With some digging, he produced a box of medical mask from his makeshift messy home lab. He held it up to show Wade.

“This could be sort of a compromise. You could wear one of these and pull up your hood.”

Wade took the box from Peter looking unimpressed. “Okay, but that still leaves the other 50% of my face. Granted it’s the more attractive half, but the better looking half of a moldy cheese wheel is still half of a moldy cheese wheel.”

Peter sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “How many times do I have to say May isn’t going to care.”

“Seeing is believing!” 

“Also, I’m supposed to be lying low!” Peter argued putting a hand on his hip. “I can’t be seen wondering around the city with Deadpool unless you want another alley way encounter.”

Wade made some unhappy noises, groaned, grunted, whined, and growled like a toddler before finally wrestling his mask off of his head. Peter watched him with a furrowed brow. “Wade, you can just wait for me to get bAaaa...” His voice died in his throat when Wade looked up from the mask in his hands and at Peter. 

Peter stared into Wades bright vibrant blue eyes and his mouth got dry. “Uh...” he stuttered.

Wade’s eyes darted to the side, his nose curled and lips flattened into a straight nervous line. Peter could actually  see  him emote. 

“Yo, I know you haven’t seen my ugly mug in a while, but no need to stare.” Wade scratched his forehead, gaze averted to the floor.

Peter blinked and his face flushed red. “What? No! It’s not that- I just-“ Peter‘s cheeks were burning, “You’ve got nice... Ah!” Peter grabbed the hood of Wades sweatshirt and pulled it up over the others head before turning on his heel and heading towards the door. “Nothing, whatever! Don’t we need to get bread or something?”

“Rolls.” Wade said and slipped on a medical mask. He put his suit mask in his pants pockets. “Expensive ones. Red Lobster Biscuits.”

Peter picked up his bags of laundry and opened the door. “With pot roast?”

“Those things go with everything if you’re brave enough.” Wade said following him. “I could live off of those. Not a bad idea. Where does May live?”

“Queens.”

“Queens?!” Wade’s eyes widened. “That’s so far from here- god how much do you spend on cab fare everyday?? No wonder you can’t afford Netflix. If only there was a much faster, and probably cheaper way that we could get there! If only we could swing from the rooftops and be there in like 15 minutes-“

“No.” Peter interjected.”

Wade slumped over looking defeated. “Don’t you get bored sitting in busses and cabs all the time? Half of this fic is idle car chat.”

“I take the subway sometimes.” Peter shrugged.

“Dude.”

“I travelled by foot before Spider-man, and I’ve done just fine the past few years.”

“ _FFFFFine_.” Wade pouted and Peter shook his head fighting a smile.

And together the two hopped on a bus, against Wade’s wishes. Once they crossed the water they switched to the subway. 

While they travelled in a comfortable silence, Peter noticed the looks that people were giving. The wide eyes, purse clutches, and hushed whispers in Wade’s direction were beginning to piss Peter off. 

Wade didn’t seem to care all that much weirdly enough. For someone who had pitched a fit about having to take his mask off, he looked like he couldn’t care less. Instead he was just sitting there, man spreading, on his phone playing some early 2010’s jet pack game.

“Do you ever go out without your mask on?” Peter asked in a quiet voice, leaning in so Wade could still hear him.

Wade didn’t take his eyes off of his phone. “Oh yeah all the time.”

Peter blinked.

“Though there’s not really a need for me to, but yeah. I mean it’s a leather mask, I’m not gonna wear the damn thing all the time. Gets sweaty.”

“But I hardly ever see you without it.” Peter said kicking the bag of laundry under his seat.

“It’s different with you. People who are  _ like _ you at least.” Wade said, “Important people. People who’s opinions matter.”

Peter made a face. “Why does my opinion matter?”

Wade paused like he didn’t know the answer and stared at his phone blankly. “Well, you’re Spider-man. The guy who gave me a million chances to better myself and gave me a sense of morality. I think that’s a good enough reason for me to care about what you think of me. I don’t wanna be ugly on the inside  and  out to you. Soooo I wear the mask all the time.”

“What about before? When you didn’t know I was Spider-man?”

“That was because I didn’t want to scare you off. Also, attractive people intimidate me. Do you want me to stop wearing my mask or something? I would think I was doing you a favor by shielding your eyes form the blinding monstrosity that is-“

“Wade I don’t care about your looks.” Peter interrupted. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually said that, even when you got the guts to show me your face the first time. It doesn’t bother me. I like being able to see your expressions without the limitations of an almost featureless mask.”

Wade had turned off his phone and was looking at Peter from under his hood. He half chuckled then rolled his head back. “Petey, you say the sweetest things sometimes, then you turn around and punch me.”

“It’s part of my charm,” Peter said, “But I’ll try to refrain from punching from now on.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was quiet. Too quiet.

Wade knocked on the top of his head while he followed behind Peter through the the small mom and pop grocery store they’d stopped at. 

“Knock Knock,” Wade said, “Is anybody home? Neither of you have insulted me or made an obscure 80’s movie reference since we left Matt’s place.”

Nothing.

_ Okay. Well, fuck you guys.  _ Wade thought.  _ The two of you hardly ever shut up, so having a clear head is so weird to me that I don’t know what to do with myself! _

Nada.

“Is this how normal people live?? In their own thoughts rather than the strange narrations of comic boxes? Wait, I’ve lived like this the majority of my life-“

“Wade.” Peter called and Wade snapped back to reality.

“Yes, dear?” Wade scratched the side of his face and looked down at Peter. He was holding up one off those circular tin pans of rolls.

“Cheap, but tastey.” Pete said. “Should I grab two?”

Wade nodded. “Duh. One for me and one for you and your aunt to share. Grab some milk while we’re here too. Oh and maybe some snacks? You have no food.”

“You’re very demanding.” Peter sighed. “What kind of snacks? Like gummies?”

“Stores like this don’t sell the types of gummies I like- aye oh! Get some Goldfish or something.”

“Extra cheddar?”

“Of course you silly boy. There’s no other right option.”

Peter laughed and rolled his eyes before heading further down the isle. Wade watched him round the corner then tilted his head.

”...And now I’m grocery shopping with my role model. Cue the freeze frame and the cliche “yeah that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got here,” audio.”

Wade chortled at his own joke.  _...We‘ve gotten kinda comfortable with each other again. It happened pretty quickly too. Then again, we’ve spent a full 72 hours together and gone through two near death experiences. Nothing forms a close bond like almost dying. _

“It’s like we have a domestic relationship-“ Wade was just joking, but he paused at his own words. Wade hadn’t had a healthy relationship of any kind... Ever really. He didn’t know how he felt about this. Wade didn’t get comfortable, even is his new “rehabilitated” life style (which again, wasn’t perfect).

_ Domestic relationship??? _

** Yeah no. **

Wade blinked. “Oh, you’re back. Where were you? Blowing each other in the writer’s room or something?”

_ White isn’t my type. Anyways, do NOT entertain the idea of ANY kind of relationship with... With anyone! Spidey especially. We have major commitment issues and relationships, friendships, and family require commitment! Which we are afraid of. _

** Because of Vanessa. Do you not remember what happened last time we got too comfortable with someone? She died. Do you  want  to hurt like that again?  **

_ Plus it wouldn’t work out anyways! Webs is super obviously not over his dead man crush, and he is way too good for us. Just stick with sexual attraction, and don’t venture further. _

** We’re already crossing a lot of lines we’ve set for ourselves by helping Peter out emotionally. We don’t even have our own shit sorted out completely! We’re just really good actors. **

Wade felt his entire body tense and he subconsciously reached for his suit mask in his pocket. He laughed it off. “Lmao what am I doing?” He muttered. “I should  not  be going to this dinner this is definitely in violation of the rules I set for myself.”

** Uh, yeah. We should leave while we can- Yellow what do you mean I’m not your type? **

_ Are you offended?? _

** No. **

_ You are! _

Wade pulled himself out of his own head when he noticed Peter was headed back in his direction with a jug of milk and a giant box of Goldfish. Peter casually handed off the box to Wade and headed for the register.

“You’re lucky I’m so generous, I was  _ this  _ close to getting some off brands ones.”

Wade followed behind Peter grinning under his mask, and in an overly posh British accent said, “Thank you kind, sir! I’ll be sure to shine your shoes extra nice tonight!”

Wade watched Peter do that thing were he would fight a smile and end up making a stupid face. Wade wished he would just give in and give a genuine smile.

They checked out, Peter paid (stubborn ass), and they walked the rest of the way to May’s house. Peter carried his laundry, looking like a homeless comic hoarder with his trash bags full of clothes while Wade carried the milk, rolls, and goldfish. 

It was a short walk from the store according to Peter. He lead the way down the block and turned into a small neighborhood. It was a cramped and definitely older neighborhood. All of the little houses had character to them and the structures differed, unlike the common copy and paste formatting of most of the more modern cul-de-sacs that popped up all over town. 

With Christmas just around the corner, every house on the street was decked out with lights and yard decorations. Some of the more extra houses were topped with fake snow, but with how the weather had been acting, it wouldn’t be fake for much longer.

“Okay, let me lay out some ground rules for tonight.” Peter said.

“ _Ugh_ , finally!” Wade exclaimed. “So, what’s your safe word? Furgalious? Or is it something more Spider-man related?”

Peter raised up a fist ready to punch Wade’s arm then he huffed and slowly lowered it back to his side. “No.  _Anyways_ ,  you’ve made a great point. No sex jokes as soon as you cross the threshold. Secondly, no cursing. Even if you hear May curse, which you definitely will, do not. Don’t even say hell. Thirdly, and most importantly, don’t bring up your line of work or Spider-man.”

Wade looked over at Peter blankly. “Well, obviously, that’s a given, but I can’t promise I’ll be able to keep my mouth clean.”

Peter sighed. “You know what, I’ll take it.”

Peter slowed to a stop in front of a small blue house with so many lights on it it lit up the entire plot. Bright string lights that imitated icicles hung from the gutters, laser projectors projected falling snowflakes onto the house, light up reindeer swiveled their motorized heads from side to side on the roof, and a blow up Santa with a giant bag of presents stood waving in the front yard. To the left was a large oak tree that had been stripped of it’s leaves and replaced with colorful tree lights that matched the ones along the fence, and there was so much more. I was truly what Wade would describe as a “Winter Wonderland.”

Peter sweat and scratched his face. “Yeah... May goes big or goes home. And this  is  her home.”

“I’ve just fallen deeper in love with your wonderfully spunky aunt. The reindeer are a nice touch!” Wade looked at all of the decorations, impressed with the effort.

“You should see the inside. It’s... Something else.” Peter said and walked down the candy cane light lit path towards the front door.

Wade didn’t follow though. 

** Running away is still an option. **

_ Eeeeeh, but should we leave Pete alone right now? People  do  want to use his fine ass as a mantel piece after all. Maybe just go hide in the trash or something? Where we belong. _

Wade looked from the house to Peter and began inching away from the property. “Um, Peter Perfect, I’ve changed my mind. I’ll be in this ditch if you need me-“

“Oh no no no no.” Peter chased after Wade and grabbed him by the front of his shirt, pulling him along towards the front door. “You’re not bailing now. You came here to embarrass me and now you’re going to sit and have a nice dinner with my aunt whether you like it or not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m already done with the next chapter, but I’m going to give it a few days to upload so I can PRETEND that I have an upload schedule lmao


	12. Hey!

I promise I’m not abandoning this work! I swear to God! I’m just super busy with a lot of different things right now and I’m just not producing good content. Also I think I’m going to rewrite a few of the chapters. I just wanted to let you all know I’m not giving up on this! I don’t know when I’ll be back we’ll see, but I’m still active over on my tumblr @peter-parker-picked-a-patch where I post Spideypool art and memes if your interested in that!

**Author's Note:**

> All in all, not my best, but that’s why I’m doing this. Hopefully writing fics will help me with my creative writing and all that blah blah blah.


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